Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dig In Your Santa Claws

I've been pretty harsh on you lady-types here on this little slice of heaven I call White-Collar Redneck. Sometimes you girls just get me all riled up and the only thing that helps the intense burning and itching feeling is to get a big tube of Sarcasm and apply generously. I know sometimes my cutting wit and skilled tongue can be taken the wrong way - so I guess I owe you an apology.

I'm sorry for pointing out the obvious.

Really! I am! Would this face lie to you?

Only to get in your pants.

But thats what the roofies are for! And the compliments - but seriously that shirt looks great on you.

Even with my harsh words - you know I love ya.  I'm not so naive as to think you aren't important and that life could go on without you.  In fact, I was just thinking about how lost I would be if it weren't for women!  I guess what I'm trying to say is that...

...I really need help wrapping all these presents.  

25 comments:

moooooog35 said...

My skilled tongue IS my present to all the ladies.

It's what I do.

Seriously, though - I can't figure out how to wrap it without gagging a little.

Ashley said...

Suggestion: buy pretty boxes and tie ribbons around them - this is how to avoid wrapping all together.

Clearly, I wasn't blessed with this skill, either.

Fizzgig said...

i think boys can get away with gift bags.

boys and their skillz. You know girls only like boys who have skillz.

Ben said...

Wow. I don't think I'm clear on the motivation behind this post but I'm glad whatever happened to make you write this happened.

Did that even make sense?

stealthnerd said...

Gift bags dude. Gift. Bags.

Deutlich said...

Thank you for providing major laughs.. yet again.

And if I lived closer I'd totally help. I am A ROCKSTAR at wrapping presents.

But I would charge a "fee."

Just sayin.

LBluca77 said...

I am sorry about the intense itching and burning feeling I gave you, but you know you still had a good time.

Spreading herpes since 1997

Marie said...

stealthnerd said it: GO WITH GIFT BAGS. For some reason people think it is just so creative.

Heff said...

There's a whole other post possible with this "Gift Bag" term, dude.

The Doggy Did It said...

I will help you wrap presents, but only if one of them is for me.

Kellie said...

No apology needed on my part. I love a big tube of sarcasm every now and then. :) Plus, you boys don't always have it easy w/ us women. But I guess it goes both ways... :)

Allison M. said...

screw wrapping - it's overrated. And this all coming from a woman you love to hate. I'm still right though.

surviving myself said...

And when their done wrapping, you can give them the sex they so desperately want.

You are a good man.

Arjewtino said...

And I need a sandwich, so when they're done with the wrapping and sexing Chris up, can you make sure they get on that? Thanks.

Chocobo said...

If women had to appologize for all of the nasty stuff they say about men. . . well, let's just say I would be busy for a few years. Thank god for feminism.

And by the way, people get paid to wrap gifts at the store, why the hell are you asking me unless you're paying?

DanjerusKurves said...

If you can put on a condom in less than 30 seconds then you can manage to drop a gift into a bag and shove paper over it. ;)

moooooog35 said...

Allison M:

Screw wrapping?!

BRILLIANT!

It becomes self-adhesive!

rs27 said...

Let me tell you something about a girl that gets a gift bag and not wrapping.

She hates you. Believe me. This is why I wrap presents like a blind person.

fiona said...

I'll help but only if I get to wear my ears and tights! I'll bring an extra set for you.

Alexa said...

i do everything in my power NOT to wrap a single gift during the holidays birthday's etc.

i feel bad for my future children

Smash said...

First off, you bought presents? Guys do that?

And if I still lived there, I would totally wrap your presents. I LOVE WRAPPING PRESENTS... something about making those perfect little triangle corners just right... hmm, maybe I am ocd?

Giggle Pixie said...

Pretty boys can totally pull off a colorful gift bag.

And if that doesn't work, always make the customer service people at the store where you bought the gift do the wrapping for you.

It might cost a few extra bucks, but in the end, when you see her astonished, happy face, it's a win-win.

Maxie said...

I can't believe you didn't complete the line! That shirt looks great on you...

but it would look better on my floor.

Come on!

AMANDA said...

Gift bags, or even better, don't they still do gift wrapping at the malls?
Regardless, it's not how the package looks on the outside, it's how it makes you feel on the inside.
Wait...I mean, it's the thought that counts.

Krissi said...

Your blog is crackin my ass up! I'm loving it!!