Sunday, November 9, 2008

Livin' On The Edge

I don't worry about much in life - as long as I am happy, healthy and have sweet hair I consider life a win.

But I also realize I can't just focus on the right now - when I leave this world, I want to give everyone something to remember me by -

A pretty corpse.

That may seem a bit morbid - but wait until you see me; I'm going to look like a dead Brad Pitt.

When I kick the bucket, I want to look fabulous. I want any girls that turned me down for dates to walk out of my funeral thinking "Damnit - I could have totally nailed that dude - now I'll never have the chance." I want people to walk away going, "I don't mean to seem insensitive, but did Narm use a new shampoo?"

Oh how I'll laugh.

In fact, this desire leads most of my life. I live life to the fullest - but within reason.

Do I want to go skydiving? Hell no! How am I am going to show that girl that turned me down for prom that I was a catch if I am flat?

Same goes for bullriding - yes I will look like a badass for a few minutes but who wants to look my mom in the eye and say, "He looks so peaceful" if I am turned into a huge pile of goo?

No, I have to protect this real estate. God only gave me so much to work with and I'll be DAMNED if I'm not taking it with me.

So to live on the edge, I am going to continue to push my body to the limits of alcohol consumption, test my innards with daily Chipotle intake and, despite Momina Nomina's best efforts, refuse to wear a coat even when it is chilly outside.

Because I'm totally going to kill at my funeral.

21 comments:

Ashley said...

Frost bite isn't very attractive...you may want to rethink that coat.

Fizzgig said...

Hmmmm, interesting theory. And I agree with ashley...only think of if you freeze to death the body might look good, but what about shrinkage?

lacochran said...

Chipotle! Bleah. You don't want to look queasy in the casket, do you?

Marie said...

I have to ask a very important question here: will there be a beard on your face or no?

Kristen said...

I think it's a great idea. It's always a little horrifying to look at dead people and hear everyone say "she looks wonderful doesn't she?" and I'm thinking "No. She looks dead."

But you'll REALLY look wonderful.

A worthy ambition my friend.

moooooog35 said...

I've resolved myself to look like a dead Angelina Jolie.

My wife is not happy.

However, this affirms that you and I, Narm, are soulmates.

Gay. Handsome. Soulmates.

Meet you at the Reaper's!

Christina_the_wench said...

Are you and moooog planning on being gay in the after life? Just curious. He seems to be expecting so bring lube.

surviving myself said...

I always think about having sex with the corpse when I go to funerals. My friends think there's something wrong with me, but c'mon, they always look so nice!

LBluca77 said...

Sex with a dead guy. Sounds like a lot of work.

Gwen said...

You know, Narm, just because you're dead doesn't mean those girls can't get it on with you. You'll just be extra stiff.

HBee said...

Hmmm...I my trying to visualize how how living on the edge will bring result in your dead corpse being aesthetically pleasing. I'm sure you'll be successful in your endeavors. Don't give up!

Maxie said...

you could just get plastic surgery after the fact if you have some tragic accident and it messes up your face.

they did it on grey's anatomy and that makes it real.

stealthnerd said...

I guess this is the best plan. I mean, you can't posthumously charm the ladies with your wit and, uh, charm, so your devilish good looks will have to speak for you.

Hex said...

Things I expect to hear at Narm's funeral:

"I didn't really think that the George Michael costume would work, but boy was I wrong."

Angela said...

Mmmmm Chipotle...

Except I'm pretty sure that your continued plan of this alcohol consumption and Chipotle diet (while not wearing a coat) is going to come back and bite you in the ass, when you turn into an old geezer with a beer belly...

rs27 said...

I would make sure I'm dressed as an eskimo.

chicks dig eskimos.

Kate said...

Alcohol is a perservative you know. You're just starting the process a little sooner....

Megkathleen said...

You better make sure that your friends and family know what you want to be buried in. How tragic would it be after all the hardwork you've put in to look good and they put you in horrible clothes?

Himbo said...

This is eerily reminiscent of any Six Feet Under episode. i just started watching it via Netflix.

I agree with you Narm, as long as I have great hair, life is grand. And to be quite frank, may hair is luxurious!

Problem: I can't get 'Livin on the Edge" outta my head!

-Him

c.watson said...

Wait shouldn't you die soon then? Because you're gonna start to age once you get out of your twenties and that wont be as hot as a mid-twenties corpse.

Bon Don said...

If you keep the Halloween Mustache there is NO WAY you can go wrong...totally hot!