Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Color Me Surprised

Owning a house is the hardest hit to my manhood since I played the clarinet (if you are new here I will give you a minute to laugh at that fact).

I am trying to choose colors to paint each room and am forced to have arguments with the Lady Friend that end in me screaming things like, "GODDAMNIT I WANT RED ROSE BOUQUET!"

A man should never scream the word "bouquet". My testies actually started crawling up inside me out of embarrassment.

While scouring the aisles of Marshalls this weekend, I was actually BANNED from using the words "accent color". Which is unfortunate because those towels would have looked FAAAABULOUS in the kitchen.

And as if that isn't bad enough, ask me what color I am painting my bathroom. I dare you. Ask me.


Who the hell is naming these things? Can't we get a line of men's paint?

I want my room to be "Raw Meat Red".

My kitchen could be "Bacon Brown".

The dining room is "Grass Stain Green" with accent colors of "Bruised Knee Blue".

I want "You're My Boy, Blue" for the guest room.

And the basement walls could be "Halle Berry Brown".

But for the living room, I definitely want "Purple Twilight".

What? It looks GREAT with the "Red Rose Bouquet" accent color.


Sustaino - said...

I like the "You're my boy Blue" color - very catchy! Indeed, we went from hospital white walls to every single room having its own color. A fairly cheap upgrade without having to buy furniture or other manly accents. After you are done painting, we will take you shopping for an LCD TV and XBOX. It's worth the investment!

Angela said...

Maybe you should start a paint company.

moooooog35 said...

You've given me a great idea in starting my own adult-themed paint line:

1) Married Balls Blue

2) Vagina Pink

3) Porn Star Beaten Vagina Red

4) Purple Mushroom

5) Ron Jeremy Afro-Pube Black

6) OMG OMG I Just had sex with Ron Jeremy Vomit Peach

(Trademarks pending)

lacochran said...

Purple Twilight? You're the one who loves that movie, aren't you? You blame the lady friend but it's you. You!

Clarinet is way testosteroni. Woody Allen plays one. Nuff said.

Christina_the_wench said...

*shaking my head* dear god... has it come to this? Pretty soon you'll be hiring a decorator and discussing mauve versus chartreuse drapes.

Deutlich said...

Purple Twilight? Brings up instant images of the Twilight dildo.

Don't ask.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

the thought of you with a purple bathroom kinda weirds me out.

i hope that the reason for this color is that the lady friend is moving in and chose that color.

i totally figured you for a dolphins themed bathroom kind of guy.

Deepika Mallar said...

its simply hilarious!!! i want my room to be purple twilight... with lily lavender as the accent.. :-)

Sarah said...

i'm very interested to see pictures. i know you have a crush on robert pattinson, but 'purple twilight'??

Sara said...

I'd buy "You're my boy, Blue!"

Ben said...

Do a 'Home Decor' vlog.


Anonymous said...

The only paint color Murray bothered to choose when we were moving in two years ago was called "Raspberry Truffle."

Kellie said...

Haha, you're my boy Blue is perfect. I painted my room in that color and it is very soothing.

Mike said...

You're screwed blue when it comes to arguing colors with a female.


Suzanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suzanne said...

I want my kitchen to be "Bacon Brown". Even if the color was similar to something that I would be more likely to see in my bathroom, I would have to purchase for the "bacon factor alone. Plus, I rent. Do I really care what color the kitchen is? At least it wouldn't be Purple Twilight.

Anonymous said...

I would so accent my house with "You're My Boy, Blue"

Between you and Moog, this thing could really take off.

Andhari said...

LOL purple TWILIGHTTT, does it sparkle?;0

That Kind of Girl said...

Okay, you've definitely taken a hit in dude points, but just take a deep breath, and whatever you do, DO NOT BUY ANY SCONCES. (Unless, y'know, they're truly divine.)