Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I Phone, You Phone, We All Phone For iPhone

I am a weak, weak man.

I promised myself I wouldn't get the iPhone.

No matter what, I said, I can't afford it. But then I got into the store with all the bright lights and trendy music and I caved. I CAVED!

So now I own an iPhone. I am a super trendy elitist nerd with black-rimmed glasses that swears music sounds better on vinyl. And none of those points were exaggerations.

I am Steve Jobs' bitch.

But so far I have not come under the iPhone spell. I haven't downloaded many apps or taken pictures or made lasagna or whatever it is iPhones do.

But I have felt the affect of the iPhone.

My bathroom visits are twice as long.

I sit down in there to do my 2ing and I got lost in a sea of internet and other funsies. Suddenly two days go buy and my ass has permanently attached itself to the toilet.

I walk out of the bathroom after a romp with the iPhone and there are flying cars and robots doing the dishes.

It is like I downloaded the Quantum Leap app.

Thank god there is an app to order pizza so I don't actually have to leave the bathroom as I surf the internet.

If I were more handy I would install a second toilet in my bathroom so I could stay in there all the time and not have to leave when other people need the bathroom. Unfortunately, I am bad at being handy so instead of flushing, my toilet would probably turn on my toaster. If only I were handy!

Hmmm...maybe there's an app for that.

21 comments:

moooooog35 said...

You actually still go to the bathroom?

You know...there's an app for that.

zwinggi said...

enjoy not getting picture messages.

M said...

If you think you spend a ton of time on it now, just wait til you find all the good free games. I recommend Sheep Launch, Boxed In and Flood It.

lacochran said...

But this works beautifully with your "sit down" philosophy!

shine said...

Ha! They got you.

I don't listen to anything on vinyl. But I love my iPhone.

If you figure out how to get yours to make lasagna, please tell me. Mine is refusing.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

if you turn into a hipster...

Heff said...

I refuse to purchase one, and I'm VERY good for my word. Yes, iSuck.

Ed Adams said...

Had to sell my iPhone because of the economy. Now I got the iCan, made by Campbell's. It come's with a long string and smells, "MMMm, MMMmm, good!". After reading your post, I thinking about installing one in the bathroom. Guess that one would be the "can Can".

Phil said...

I promised myself I WOULD get an iPhone, and haven't gotten one yet. Stupid Verizon contract.

Children of the 90s said...

I'm almost to the point of caving, but I've managed to hold out this long.I'm just nervous it'll unleash the floodgates of elitism. Before you know it, I'll be driving a Prius.

BrazenBareToe said...

I drew the line at taking the iPhone into the bathroom just for the fact that I'm a klutz and might drop it.

I know, now you're scared you'll drop it.

Kellie said...

I love my iPhone. Download Pandora if you haven't already. Free music. Like a random radio that knows what you like and never plays commercials! Perfect!

Mike said...

"I walk out of the bathroom"

Don't kid us! You had to have crawled out. Your legs would be so numb you wouldn't be standing up for a week.

Andhari said...

The phrase "don't knock it until you try it" is there for a reason and I fully believe it LOL

Always a Bridesmaid said...

I can't wait for the "You might be a White-Collar Redneck if..." app. (And, then I'd need to get an iPhone.)

Un[Censored] said...

Hell, if I had an I phone, I'd just have it get up at 4 am and work for me while I chill out at the beach all day.

I'm sure there's an app for that, too :P

Jill Pilgrim said...

I have a phone that doesn't even receive text messages. Sad, right?

Douchegirl said...

It's ok. It happens to the best of us. And by that I obviously mean I went and got an iPhone even though I said I would never and now I can't live without it.

Just Playing Pretend said...

I was scared about your need for a second toilet would be. I envisioned weird things at first

I'm glad it's because you wanted to share.

Maxie said...

get the tpain app ASAP

Kim said...

I have a BlackBerry Storm. It's addicting but fortunately(?) there are far fewer apps for that as of right now.

It's my BFF though. I had to take it to the store yesterday and they gave me a brand new one. I'm sort of sad. And my apps are gone right now.