I'm starting a new piece here at White-Collar Redneck. I call it Everyday Enemies. It isn't weekly and doesn't have corporate sponsorship...yet. Maybe someday soon it could be the Everyday Enemies brought to you by Enzyte. For now - this is all ya get.
Everyday Enemies is going to focus on the people and situations that interfere with my abilities to make it through everyday. The people that make me question whether this rat race is worth the cheese at the end. The people who ask, "Hot enough for ya?"
Today's Everyday Enemy - Overexcited Hands Storyteller
Know what your story doesn't need?
In fact, I am fairly certain telling stories is not a contact sport.
Also - unless you are telling me a story about jazz hands - you can keep your hand motions to a minimum. Billy Mays has left us and with him went the need for waving down planes while talking.
Let's face the facts - if you are telling me a story, I am just waiting for you to finish so I can tell a better story. And, chances are I am hungover - and hungover people are like bears - you need to avoid sudden movements or gestures for fear they will rip your arms off and beat you dead with them.
Please take note -
If something is cold, I don't need to also feel how cold it is. I have been cold before. I am familiar with the feeling of something being cold - I live in fucking Cleveland. Your description is just fine.
I don't need to feel how hard someone hit / pinched / sexually harassed you. Again, pain is something I have felt before, use your words not your ridiculously annoying hands.
Finally - there is no need to hold my arm as you tell the story. While everything in my body wants to run away screaming, I promise I will not do so. I will be polite - and by polite I mean wait for the first time you stop to take a breath and then interrupt you so that I can start talking.
On second thought - maybe next time I see you, instead of coming over for a quick conversation - I'll just wave.