My name is Jeff.
Not Jeffrey or Jefferson or Jefftardo.
Girls, this may come as a surprise because so many of you come up and say, "Hey there, Handsome." Handsome is not my name. It is my MIDDLE name.
When I was in college I worked at Toys R Us so that I could afford alcoholism.
Let me tell you - nothing is as hard on a hangover as a mother with a screaming child giving you the business for not having the correct Bratz doll. Listen, Lady, I'm sorry but your attempt to turn your daughter into a slut will have to wait 3-4 business days - go home, turn on MTV and deal with it.
At Toys R Us, when a large ticket item (say a bike or a sandbox) are purchased - someone has to go into the back and bring it up front for the customer.
For the first two weeks I worked there I would hear over the radio:
"Jeffrey - we have a pickup from the back."
And everyday I thought the same thing - "I will murder you until you are killed dead if you call me Jeffrey ONE MORE TIME, Radio Voice."
So finally after two weeks of this I had enough. I walked up front to the cashier and said, "Listen - my name is just Jeff - enough with the Jeffrey shit."
"It's Geoffrey. As in Geoffrey the Giraffe. You know, the mascot of this entire store that is plastered on every square inch of open space? Him."
I guess Geoffrey is ok, then.