I don't mean to cause alarm, but I woke up this morning with a...condition.
I felt normal, maybe a little stiff legged. My voice felt a little hoarse and I had the most unquenchable thirst...
Do you SEE that? I'm like 10 minutes from being part of the walking undead!
But am I scared and fighting for my life?
I'm worried about you. I've logged so many hours in front of zombie movies I am the perfect zombie protection plan. Without me, well, not to be mean, but you guys are fucked.
You think you are fine and, honestly, you probably have a few days. At least you out of towners. But from the looks of that tiny little red splotch on my eye, I'm a goner. And when I become a zombie - you don't stand a chance. Even with zombie eyes, if you take one look into these beautiful brown oceans of love you are lost at sea. And that's when I strike.
No, even as I sit here - waiting for the zombie virus to take over my senses and turn me into a shuffling, mindless ghoul, searching the earf for victims, I can't help but think of you first.
I mean, it could be worse...
I could have swine flu.