First things first, yes, there is a door to go outside from my bathroom. There was an addition built on my kitchen and blah blah blah GOD homeowners are boring, aren't they? Who cares about your leaky roof or what you found under your carpet. Unless it is a sandwich, then give it to me. Now.
Moral of the story - I have a deck off of my upstairs bathroom. The door looks like this -
Which is a pretty nice view when conducting "The Business" in the mornings. It is quite peaceful. I can watch the trees sway in the wind and watch as the sun pokes its sleepy head over the horizon.
But then, the birds come.
A little bunch of crows, every morning, comes to roost in the neighbors tree.
And they watch me. I know they do. They watch me and they judge me and they probably go tell their little bird friends.
Sure, they can crap on whoever they want - but as soon as I eat Chipotle I have to explain myself to those beady little black eyes.
I have been thinking about installing a BB gun mount to the window so I can take aim while doing my business. That will teach those son of a bitch peeping Toms to get their kicks somewhere else.
Because I don't take shit when I'm taking a shit.