The human body is confusing. If you think about it, we are a big bag of skin that is just slammed full of organs and bones.
And that bag of skin finds all kinds of fun ways to leak. Sweat, snot, urine, saliva, tears, poo - my body looks like a yard sprinkler. Little children put on swimsuits and run over top of me when I lay down.
But while my body spends all that time shooting fluids, why when I take a drink doesn't it just leak right out?
Think about it - in college I would drink 20 beers in a day - you would think my ears would just be spurting out Natty Light. With all that beer I should have High Life tears and be sweating pure PBR.
But my skin bag would hold all of those liquids in like it was some kind of Ziploc.
That is - until the worst possible situation.
Cute girl? Arm pits! Dispense liquid!
Long line for the bathroom? Bladder ATTACK!
Really sad episode of Saved by the Bell where Kelly breaks up with Zach at prom? Tear ducts - that's your cue!
More or less my body is playing one big practical joke on me all the time. It forces me to fill it with the very liquid it is going to end up shooting all over the place later. This is like passing out Sharpies to everyone at the party and then passing out on the couch. You might as well draw the penis on your own face.
It's so frustrating sometimes I just want to cry.
But I don't want to give my body the satisfaction of winning.