Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Ex Messaging (Without T-9 Word)

I remember mentioning the name of an ex-boyfriend to a friend of mine, to which she responded, "I'm sorry, you must not have heard. He doesn't exist anymore."

Rrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! (that was the sound of a cat hissing - there is a super fruity scratching hand-motion that goes with it but I didn't do it while I typed that because I was trying to keep it as manly as possible).

I'll admit I've had exactly one official "girlfriend" in the last four plus years (it didn't sound so pathetic until I typed it out) but I've had a lot of little "datings" and "talkings" and "seeings" ("screwings"?) over the years. Obviously none of these "ings" worked out - but to my knowledge none of them have ceased to exist either.

Of course I have my own sob stories - but they are like bad-beat stories in poker - everyone has one - no one cares (unless you're hot and it was strip poker...and there was a camera). That being said - I don't understand how someone can instantly hate their ex (have they never heard of ex-sex?) If you liked each other enough to date - unless there was something really, REALLY bad (found them in bed with a sibling, parent or pet) is it worth all the work to hate them that much? Because lets face it - hating someone is a lot more work than being friends with them - you have to remember WHY you hate them, make sure to make comments about them, explain why there is a picture of their face on your dartboard to friends and family, explain why you have a dartboard when you live in an apartment - don't you realize you are never going to get your deposit back now - etc etc.

By now I'm sure you've seen through the facade of this being a funny post and realize it is a sappy one in sheep's clothing. I'm sorry - I tried to fake it (thats what she said) but as mentioned before - these Cleveland winters seem to never end - at least this post doesn't have a picture of me without a shirt. Either way - the moral of the story is that in the last year I have had the chance to meet a few incredible girls that, even though things didn't work out, set the bar pretty high for any future relationships. So here's to all the ones that got away - sorry for the drunk texting - thanks for not ceasing to exist.


Allison M. said...

Girls tend to hate their exs because they should've dumped them long before they actually did.

Narm said...

So you are saying I should file this under, "Crazy Things Girls Do"?

Momo said...

Oh, Nom. You were a hot mess on Saturday, first of all, and second of all, I don't think it's that crazy that girls "hate" their exes for a while. It just depends on the circumstances. Even though I'm on good terms with all three of the serious, long-term boyfriends I've had over the past six years or so, I also went through phases where we absolutely, positively could NOT talk, and I probably said awful things about them. It helps. It just does. Even if you know the relationship isn't right, you're still pissed that your ex doesn't want to fight to keep you (I know, I know... double standard) and it hurts to see them and know that they're not "yours" anymore. So it's easier to get mad. And "hate" on them a bit. And then time passes, and you've built some distance, and THEN you can be cool again. But that's just me. And my brand of craziness.

Momo said...

I'm also already regretting my abundant use of "quotes" above.

Amanda McCoy said...

The thing about hate is that it's a very strong emotion (and word, for that matter) and it is generally fueled by anger or hurt. When I was hurt by my longtime-ago ex, I thought I hated him for the first two years of college. In hindsight, I realized that I didn't hate him and, in fact, still loved him but was so angry that he hurt me that I had convinced myself what I was feeling was hate. For many, believing and saying that we hate someone else who we have loved or still love is a defense mechanism.
You also need to realize that not everyone is like you - most people don't like to or can't stay friends after they break up. I agree with your stance on it but not everyone handles it maturely like you do.

Narm said...

Momo - I saw you Saturday? Oh boy. The guys took a very ho-hum Nom out and fed his belly delicious whiskey until we were all obliterated. It took us an hour the next day to figure out that we had at one point been at Dive Bar - and that there had been a jousting match between a paper towel roll and my Wilco poster. None of this is remembered - just found enough facts to support it.

And I think I understand you and Allison a little bit better - the entire situation frustrates you until enough time has passed. Easier to avoid the topic for a few months and then revisit when you are over it.

Narm said...

Mandy - VERY good point. I sometimes wonder if the "hate" is less healthy in that it never lets you get over your feelings (because as you said - you are calling your hurt hate.) I understand the "ceasing to exist" for a short period of time - but in the end if they meant that much at one point you should definitely stay friends.

And I don't know if you can use my name and the word mature in the same sentence haha. As I said - I think I've just been lucky to find some awesome girls that make it easy.

Claire said...

I agree with Mandy - total defense mechanism. We hate out of love? Wait, that is sick - I like how Mandy said it much better.

Narm - Sometimes things happen and you can just never be friends. There are times when you should forgive but not forget.

Momo said...

Ooooh, forgive but not forget.

I know that one all too well.

Well put, C.