Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Worst Song Ever

Last night I was at the coffee shop that seems to be my new home and they had a DJ set up playing ridiculous music. When I asked what was going on they said it was a "Spotlight". Looking even more confused the nice lady overcharging me for my cup of tea (yeah, I drink tea - ya wanna fightaboutit?) said it was a night of massages, manis and pedis.

Awkward. Both me setting up to work while this is happening and saying the words mani and pedi.

But why a DJ? Maybe if he was playing smooth jazz (which is normally what is played there). But as I entered he did a three song set that went in this order:

Meat Loaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Light
Mickey Mouse Club Theme Song
Sisqo - Thong Song

First off - what? How is that relaxing? Not only are those songs not conducive to massages - but it is impossible not to sing along to the M-I-C K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! part of that damn song.

Second - who plays those three songs in succession? At no point in your life will this triad of tunage be appropriate. I spent a good five minutes trying to think up a situation where these three songs would work together and came up with nothing. Now I'll never get those five minutes back - or the 3 minutes it took me to write this post. Father Time is really pushing it considering Father's Day was two days ago.

This got me thinking about the worst songs of all time. If you Googlize this question you come up with Starship's "We Built This City". Ok - not the best song evar - but if you are telling me you don't turn this up when you are in the car by yourself and start rocking out only to get busted by that cute blond in the car next to you - you are lying, buddy.

Side note - according to this article, and if it is on the internet it must be true, 30% of men and 26% of women say they flirt DAILY while in traffic. That is crazy. Daily? I don't do anything daily - let alone give eyes to the girl in the car next to me. In fact the only thing I flirt with in the car is danger - because I don't write the rules, baby, I break em.

Aaaaaand we're back.

I think I was talking about the worst song of all time - and if not lets do that now anyways. I have come up with a few - and I want some input from you, my beloved Readers, because you are smarter than me and will make this list much better.

Here's the plan - I am going to nominate a few - and please feel free to also nominate a few - and then I will set up a poll to vote on the worst song ever as picked by a random selection of bloggers with awesome taste. Then we will all do a slow motion high-five that ends in a freeze frame.


My picks:

Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Poison - Unskinny Bop
Sisqo - Thong Song
Will Smith - Miami
Trace Adkins - Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk

That Trace Adkins song is cheating because pretty much any country song could go in that spot - but that one is spectacularly terrible so I felt it needed to be added.

So what am I missing?


moooooog35 said...


I expel better music from my cornhole after eating Mexican than those stupid bastards do.

Rosemarie said...

Hmmm Bop by those stupid Hanson Brothers.

surviving myself said...

Mambo #5.

And I agree with you about Thong Song.

BloggingJason said...

It's easy to pick a song that is outside of your own musical taste. But something truly regarded as awful by the masses?

Gimme a second.

Deslyxia said...

I'm going to make this easy
Winner hands down
It's so bad I might even blog about

Look up the lyrics and judge for yourself

LFO- Summer Girls

What do I win?

Jenn said...

Wait. He played the Thong Song for a night of massages? How is that..why? I'm going to agree with Rosemarie and second MmBop. Damnit. Oh and Summer Girls!

Douchegirl said...

Anything by the Black Eyed Peas but especially "My Humps". Oh, anything by Fergie, too.

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

I am thoroughly nonplussed at the DJ's play list. Odd, worst songs ever? How about Achey-Breaky-Heart? Nothing good going on there.

Lauren said...

Um, I love "We Built This City." I probably shouldn't admit that..but really, I do love that song.

Worst song, eh? I have to go with "The Thong Song." It's just...awful. Also, the "Macarena" is pretty terrible and annoying.

Actually, wait, THIS is the worst song ever played: http://youtube.com/watch?v=GautSlgAsN0

Beav said...

Pretty much anything by Mariah Carey is awful!! I think if I had the opprotunity to get rid of one famous person it would for sure be her!! But I did catch myself dancing to fantasy the other day!! Hmm!! But that was written before she became a hooker!! Apparently I like exclamation points though!!

lacochran said...

There's just so many. Where do I begin?

Songs with the following lyrics:

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" (Kelis)

"Because I speak of the pompetous of love" (Steve Miller)

"Song she sang to me, song she brang to me" (Neil Diamond)

"Having my baby" (Johnny Fever plays the Mormon Tabernacle Choir version)

lacochran said...

And, that combination the DJ played is indeed the most bizarre combination ever. Catchy, toe-tappy, but bizarre.

Alexa said...

you just typed manis and pedis

"barbie girl" by aqua (vomit)

that shitty "follow me" song by uncle cracker (kill me)

"with arms wide open" by creed

shall i go on??

Deutlich said...

wait.. you don't do anything daily?

what about peeing?! isn't that, like, a necessity???

Narm said...

Moooooog35 - To quote "Airheads" - I ain't fartin on no snare drum.

Did that reference not make sense? Damnit

Rosemarie - Good call - but the chick is hot...wait...

Surviving Myself - good call - that song goes on forever

BloggingJason - are you saying the Thong Song is outside of my musical taste? What musical taste IS that song in?

Deslyxia - score it. You win a pat on the back and the knowledge that a few bloggers somewhere on the world wide web approve of your hatred for that song.

Jenn - I didn't get the Thong Song pick either - because how can you relax when that beat hits your ears? I just want to dance, dance, dance.

Douchegirl - How about Holla Back Girl while we're at it?

Maiden Metallurgist - I like to pretend like that song never happened

Lauren - WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT??? It is terrible - and I am thinking we will see that guy on AMW soon.

Beav - !.

Lacochran - I can't endorse anyone making fun of Neil - but the rest are bad.

Alexa - anything by Creed should count. They were the Nickelback of the 90's.

Deutlich - they don't call me the Camel for nothing...

Mel said...

Anything. ANYTHING sang by Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray). Please somebody make him stop singing off key!

By the by, I am a total flirting-while-driving whore. I think it's why I like all my windows down, if you know what I mean.

Allison M. said...

Creed is the worst band of all time. All. Time.

Cha Cha -- "slide to the left, slide to the right."

I cringe at weddings when I hear it.

rs27 said...

I think I like every song everyone has commented.. so in conclusion....

I'll leave now..

Emma said...

"Butterfly" by... wow I can't even remember.

It goes "come my lady, come come my lady, you're my butterfly..."

I think I'm going to vomit right now just thinking about that song.

So@24 said...

What about that one song with "Abercrombie & Fitch" in the lyrics? I think there was something else about Chinese food making the guy sick?

Come on. That HAS to be up there.

Anonymous said...

"All The Things She Said" by t.A.T.u. The worst kind of music by the worst kind of "band".

Beth said...

Ugh. Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk.

Everytime I hear that song, I cringe.

Anonymous said...

Mony Mony | Billy Idol
Good is Good | Sheryl Crow
Beautiful | James Blunt

(i could flip my car to reach the dial fast enough to get these songs away from my ears)

Anonymous said...

Hippy Chick by Nena Cherry. She is definitely no Eagle-Eye.

And not all country music is bad. Trace Adkins just happens to be consistently horrendous.

ttown said...

I'm gonna go with Mambo number five, or the macarena. those are definately songs that make me want to bang my head against a brick wall rather than listen to them.