Things that currently need to grow up:
Babies. Seriously, Babies - your tiny hands are weird. And don't even get me started on your fingernails. Whats with all the crying? Your life revolves around eating and pooping - I should be so lucky. Grow up, Babies.
Prejudice. I don't think people understand the hurt involved when they call me a "drunk". It's Alcoholic-American, People. Stop the hate.
My friends. Whats with all you guys getting married? That makes me feel weird inside. Don't you know thats what Grown-Ups do? What next? Babies? They have weird, tiny hands!
Big City Bars. During my visit to my hometown this weekend I accidentally stubled into the bar and ordered two beers and ten shots. My total bill for this? $32. THIRTY TWO DOLLARS. I am pretty sure if I handed the guy a $50 he would have just given me the keys to the place. Going back home is like replacing my wallet with Monopoly money. I could live for ten years on a pink $500 bill.
Me. I turn 25 today (hurray for being able to rent a car) and still think the word "doodie" is funny. Yes, I giggle at a 3rd grade level. I also still think it is appropriate to yell "Pants off - Dance off!" at my friends wedding - and I was IN the wedding party. I may have also told people that the reception was actually a big birthday party for me and to make their checks out to my name. Then the married couple went and cut the cake before anyone sang Happy Birthday to me!
I told them to Grow Up.