1. Reece's Peanut Butter Cups - Is there any debate? Sure they lose points because they are gone in two bites - but those two bites are better than that time that girl was trying to squeeze past me in an airplane and I accidentally touched her boob. Come to think of it, Reece's Peanut Butter Cups are a lot like boobs...only better. You can have your D-Cups - give me some P-Cups.
2. Snickers - While not as tastetacular as the P-Cups above, the Snickers provide the most bang for your buck. They are the thrifty choice for your penny-pinching candy eaters. Bonus points for great commercials that bring joy to the world...to the world.
3. Kit-Kat - The Kit-Kat lost points for lack of belly satisfaction. If I had a never-ending supply of Kit-Kats they would definitely beat out the Snickers - but if I have a dollar and I'm standing in line at the grocery store needing a sugar fix it just doesn't satisfy my fat kid needs - don't judge me, Reader - give me a break.
4. 3 Musketeers - I had planned on including 3 Musketeers for the fact that it contained nougat. And the word nougat is hilarious. Say it - nougat. I picture a candy bar version of Ted Nugent playing a tiny guitar. Ted Nougat would rock. Ok back on topic - Wiki told me that the 3 Musketeer does not actually contain nougat so now it makes the list because it has a shiny wrapper and I like shiny things.
5. M&M's - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands? More like Melts my heart, not in my hands. Ok, not really - M&M's are good - but I'm not going to shank a homeless guy if I see him with a bag like I would the P-Cups. When you are sitting in front of the vending machine at work and you need something that is going to last longer than Miley Cyrus' career M&M's are the way to go.
I realize I am going to get ripped apart for not including Butterfingers but I gotta say - they just don't do it for me. They get stuck in my teeth and just don't give me the warm, fatty goodness of the others on the list. Also - I know M&M's are not technically a candy BAR - but I choose to not be prejudice and allow all chocolate candies live together in perfect harmony.
You know the drill - lets hear your top 5. The only rule is that it must contain chocolate.