Sunday, January 18, 2009

Raising Arizona

The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl.

The Arizona Cardinals.

That is like Ben Stiller winning an Oscar - you are less confused on how he won than how he even got invited.

But instead of the Oscars it's the Playoffs. And instead of Ryan Seacrest it's Suzie Colbert.

Ok maybe that isn't so bad.

I was ONE when my beloved Dolphins last made the Super Bowl.

One.

Barely old enough to drink.

And now the Detroit Lions of the west - the Arizona Freaking Cardinals (that's their middle name in case you didn't know, Sports Fans) are in the Super Bowl.

I was actually fine with the Dolphins losing in the playoffs till now. I feel like some smoking hot girl broke up with me and is now dating a complete Nerd. I thought the Super Bowl was out of my league till I saw who got invited after me. Now I cry at night and listen to Dashboard Confessional.

The Cardinals making the Super Bowl is an insult to my fanhood. I spent every single Sunday since August getting wasted and arguing about whether Tom Brady is a product of the system or a great QB. Only to find out the CARDINALS make the Super Bowl.

For you non-sports fans this would be like watching an entire season of American Idol only to find out Taylor Hicks wins.

Oh...so maybe you do know what I am talking about.

22 comments:

Ben said...

I'm very sorry for your disappointment. If anything Katharine McPhee was still a huge succ-

Oh. Wait. Nevermind.

Angela said...

Which is why you're cheering for the STEELERS, right????

Christina_the_wench said...

Arizona Cardinals. They even sound wussy. Are you sure they're a real team?? Wait. Dolphins. Another wussy sounding......nm. *ahem*

Fizzgig said...

one more reason not to watch sports. It's like when Brad and Jen broke up.

Ugh.

LBluca77 said...

Tom Brady is a doughbag.

moooooog35 said...

I feel your pain.

I was 36 when the Patriots last won the Superbowl.

Oh..wait...that was only four years ago.

OK. BEFORE that I was only 35 when they won a Superb...

This analogy really isn't working.

Oh well.

At least Pennington isn't in the damn thing. I've always got THAT to hold on to.

Deutlich said...

I'm soooo out of the loop when it comes to football.

Julie_Gong said...

we will make it ok when the steelers annihilate the cardinals.

Matt said...

Who would have ever guessed that old man Kurt had it in him.

He must have took a couple viagra before the game yesterday.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i love how this wrapped up with an american idol reference narm. you are obsessed : )

AnkleBone said...

I'm just trying to figure out what a doughbag is...

Giggle Pixie said...

TOTALLY! lol

TishTash said...

If you didn't beat up the nerd that your hot ex is now seeing, you deserve to cry to Dashboard, and you should probably throw in some ice cream you woman.

(I don't know how to translate this metaphor back to football, maybe beat up on some Cardinals fans?)

Arjewtino said...

Typing it over and over again doesn't make it any less surprising, does it?

Smash said...

Tom Brady is a great QB. Just face the fact you cannot throw a ball as well as him or look as good as him naked.

Not that I have seen either of you naked...

Bon Don said...

Did you really say, Dashboard Confessional?

Who are you and what have you done with Narm?

c.watson said...

IF it makes you feel better the rate of domestic violence goes up in AZ every time one of their sports teams loses, so this year they are just trying to lower that statistic.

Ashley said...

Detroit Lions of the west - should be offensive, but really, you're right.

Megkathleen said...

It does seem like we ended up in some sort of alternate universe doesn't it? Luckily I don't really care because my beloved Hawks were one of the worst teams in the NFL making football season completely, well not completely, but difficult to get excited over.

LadyFriend said...

As long as you don't want the Cardinals to lose-- otherwise this LadyFriend will definitely be dating a new N.E.R.D.- One that happens to be a Browns fan!! And I don't like vanilla ice cream....

stealthnerd said...

Are you pissed that the Steelers are joining them?

Tennyson ee Hemingway said...

and it's all the rage over here in Australia, coz our very own Ben Graham is the Cardinals punter. so of course, it's Ben Graham's Arizona Cardinals in the SuperBowl. Does that make it any better?