I've seen a lot of crazy homeless people in my day.
I mean I live in Cleveland - the line between homeless guy and middle class citizen isn't that well defined. Our economy has fallen deeper than that guy's voice from the Men's Warehouse commercials.
You're gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it.
I've talked about my adventures with the homeless before. Actually, in my second post ever and again in my Homeless Moses rant. But now it is getting out of hand.
We had a snow storm. Believe it or not this happens in Cleveland, Ohio. In fact, Cleveland has two things - snow and Drew Carey. Paul Newman dying really fucked us over for "Cool things coming from our city". Maybe Tracy Chapman will have another hit one of these days. She could do a "Fast Car" remix with Ja Rule. It'd be huge!
Back to the point - it stopped snowing a week ago. The salt trucks have been out, the sidewalks are clean and the salt ring on my jeans has made it all the way up to my neck. Margarita, anyone?
In other words; get over it, Homeless.
You can return to your homes now. Your homes being the sidewalks. That includes the rich homeless people who sleep on manholes and the poor homeless people that sleep on park benches. All of you - back to the sidewalks.
I think there should be a countdown - after a week with no snow, any homeless person caught walking in the center of the street wearing all black should be captured and taken in. These will be tracked - like a homeless person scavenger hunt. Or I guess a scavenger scavenger hunt. The person with the most homeless people by April 1st wins a prize.
Like a Tracy Chapman CD.
Ok, I'm still working out the details.
And before anyone freaks about cruelty - as soon as April 1st hits all the homeless people will be set free and able to go home.
Or, at least back to the sidewalk.