But today may have taken the cake. While out for lunch I decided to test my luck with the Gypsy fortune teller machine. How can you turn down a machine that is either trying to grab your ass or going all DX and telling you to Suck It!
So, I put my four quarters and hit the button - hoping for some crazy "Big" moment where I will be transformed into Tom Hanks and then I'll tell him that the Da Vinci code is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, a, b, select, start. Or is that the Contra code? Either way - I put my quarters in and hit the button...
Nothing.
Hit the button again.
Nothing.
Hit some of the other buttons.
Nothing.
Look behind the machine - not even plugged in.
Not the first time I spent a bunch of money, got my hopes up and then can't get the girl turned on.
24 comments:
ZING!
That four dollars was well worth the punch line, my friend.
HEY-O!
but according to "Big" the zoltar machine NEEDS to be unplugged to even work.
maybe the gypsy was just quietly aroused.
It's a sad day when you can't even pay for a good time.
Try giving her jewelry next time. I hear some ladies respond to that.
Dude. You don't WANT to turn her on.
Look at her palms.
Definitely open herpes sores.
Trust me, I know.
Don't ask me how I know other than revealing it breaks the injunction that Tom Hanks has against me.
'nuf said.
I think you dodged a bullet.
If you find yourself dancing on a huge floor piano and falling ass-backwards into a high-paying job testing toys, it worked.
4 quarters? Honey, right there's your problem. We women take WAY more money to get interested.
I was just going to say what Alexa said! Damn her and her quick commenting. But she's right -- Big's machine needs to be unplugged.
Perhaps you were doing it right after all and you will be pleasantly surprised by a strange turn of events! (Now that's a fortune in and of itself!)
Nice way to end this.
Also, Contra fucking rules.
You waited all day to use that punch line, didn't you. DIDN'T YOU!?
Nice Contra reference. I still remember the cheat for Sonic 2. Man, cheat codes were the BEST.
Next time, bring 4 quarters and a bottle of booze. That'll get her talking.
4 quarters?!?!
thats like almost a whole dollar.
You know damn well that's the Contra Code.
Maybe you should have worn your glow-in-the-dark compass ring.
Looks like her stigmata is acting up, anyway. That's totally a turn off.
She looks like she's holding those trick hand buzzer things, only she skips the hands and goes right for the nuts. I think you lucked out, my friend.
This is my second favorite moment ever involving a gypsy.
First?
gypsy give me your tears!
actually I just wanted to quote that movie.
I would like to say that Nilsa stole my comment but I won't because she didn't but that's what I would have said if I wasn't so lame today.
I'll try harder next time.
Ah, you make me happy.
Meh she looks like she would have lied to you anyways just to get your money.
Narm-a-reeno...your guest post is up.
Thanks again, my friend.
Let me know how the struggles go with your genital warts, and if Valtrex really DOES work.
How embarrassing.
ohh burrrrrrrn! by yourself!
but seriously, that girls a total bitch just look at her.
Would you think i was weird if i said she is hot.
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