Ladies - you don't know how good you have it.
Apparently - there are thousands of Narm's in the world. That means your chances of meeting someone with dashing good looks and spectacular punctuality are actually pretty high.
How do I know this?
Because everywhere I go - SOMEONE has a "friend that looks just like you!!!"
So, through this scientific research, I have come to the conclusion that there are thousands, perhaps millions, of Narms in the world.
So why don't I ever meet them?
Is it some strange Marty McFly situation where if we run into each other we could alter our futures and our pasts and end up never having been born? If everyone has a friend that looks like me - then why don't I have a friend that looks just like me? What I'm asking is why I am not friends with Brad Pitt. We would totally hit it off! Mustaches unite!
How am I supposed to react when someone tells me they have a friend that looks just like me? That is like calling me boring. "Oh, hi, I already know one of you. Next."
My new mission? To get names and addresses of these pseudo-Narms and combine our forces to unleash an army of Narms. A Narmy, if you will.
Who could resist a Narmy of facial hair and bad puns? We would do all the things I've always wanted: detroy Nickelback, play a football game of 11 Narms vs 11 Narms, DOMINATE your Twitter feed, and do one of those synchronized dives into the pool like in the 1950's.
But after awhile all those Narms would get annoying. They would spend all of their time arguing over whether vampires are actually just lame versions of zombies and who would win in a fight between Mike Rowe and the Highlander.
So I guess for now I'll just remain a Narmy of one.