I attended a marathon on Sunday.
If you've never been to a marathon - imagine a bunch of people running and...ok that's really it.
I just can't figure out the sport of running. I could train everyday for the rest of my life - mile after mile - and never, ever win a race. Ever.
Most people who run will never win a race.
In other words, you are spending all of your time training to lose.
Listen, I have a lot of confidence, what with my chiseled abs and punctuality, but I don't need to set myself up to fail like that.
Plus - I get road rage when someone passes me on the highway. If someone were to pass me while running I don't know what the equivalent of brake checking and honking the horn would be. I assume farting and blowing a whistle. Ahhh that reminds me of grade school.
Even worse than watching people running? Cheering for people running. Running is the ultimate "everyone gets a trophy sport." I think marathons should be full contact. Shoulders and elbows - maybe even tying fishing line across the street to trip people - let's make this interesting.
A guy at the race on Sunday had a "Go Running!" sign. That is ridiculous. Imagine if I had a "Go Football!" sign. Unless he was trying to tell me that I needed to go running - then all I have to say is that maybe my eating habits haven't been great and I can't fit into my skinny jeans but a girl's gotta enjoy life damnit!
What I'm trying to say is that I don't care how out of shape I am or how lazy I have become - I'm not going to break a promise I made to myself a long time ago:
Never run away from your problems.