For those of you who read this blog often - you know I think highly of myself. For those of you who may not be regulars - I'm fucking sweet.
Part of this has to do with my chiseled abs and some of it has to do with my overall surplus of awesome - although my punctuality should not go unnoticed. This past month, even my ridiculous amount of bravado was no match for the biting tongue of a lady. And not just any lady, but my own Lady Friend.
The following are three phrases my own dear Lady Friend has used to describe my face this month:
Tiny Little Eyes
Big Horse Face
Now, keep in mind, this isn't a bully on the playground or Perez Hilton - this is my own girlfriend. Big Horse Face? Who even says that? When you call someone a horse face is it even necessary to add "Big" in front of it? Like I was going to say, "Horse face? Maybe. But big? That's just mean!" Way to kick a horse when he is down.
And my nose looks like that of a fictional creature? Is there even a standard "goblin" from which I can take the standard goblin nose? I feel like every movie has a different idea of goblins - so not only do I have a goblin nose but I don't even know what KIND of goblin. I'm like a nose orphan.
I won't even get started on the Tiny Little Eyes. Again - is it REALLY necessary to say "Tiny Little" - were two adjectives needed to really drive the point home? Did someone buy her a thesaurus for her birthday and now I am feeling the effects?
So forgive me if I seem a bit downtrodden today.
Just don't ask why the long face.