Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Hot Stuff

For those of you who read this blog often - you know I think highly of myself. For those of you who may not be regulars - I'm fucking sweet.

Part of this has to do with my chiseled abs and some of it has to do with my overall surplus of awesome - although my punctuality should not go unnoticed. This past month, even my ridiculous amount of bravado was no match for the biting tongue of a lady. And not just any lady, but my own Lady Friend.

The following are three phrases my own dear Lady Friend has used to describe my face this month:

Goblin Nose

Tiny Little Eyes

Big Horse Face

Now, keep in mind, this isn't a bully on the playground or Perez Hilton - this is my own girlfriend. Big Horse Face? Who even says that? When you call someone a horse face is it even necessary to add "Big" in front of it? Like I was going to say, "Horse face? Maybe. But big? That's just mean!" Way to kick a horse when he is down.

And my nose looks like that of a fictional creature? Is there even a standard "goblin" from which I can take the standard goblin nose? I feel like every movie has a different idea of goblins - so not only do I have a goblin nose but I don't even know what KIND of goblin. I'm like a nose orphan.

I won't even get started on the Tiny Little Eyes. Again - is it REALLY necessary to say "Tiny Little" - were two adjectives needed to really drive the point home? Did someone buy her a thesaurus for her birthday and now I am feeling the effects?

So forgive me if I seem a bit downtrodden today.

Just don't ask why the long face.

21 comments:

Taylor said...

Aha, I want to call my boyfriend a big horse face. Just to see what he says.

Or maybe not. It is kinda mean. And strange.

You accidentally wrote hose face in the middle of the post and it made me laugh a lot. Just to let you know :)

Narm said...

Haha thanks - I fixed it. Although I am not sure if Hose Face is better or worse than Horse Face

lacochran's evil twin said...

At least she referenced the front half of the horse.

miss. chief said...

why the long face? GENETICS?

Ben said...

And see...if you started saying things like that to HER, she'd cry herself to sleep and you'd be a terrible person.

DOUBLE STANDARD.

Deutlich said...

I think you're hot.

moooooog35 said...

Narm, relax.

Just say 'Nay.'

Kellie said...

Your girlfriend is verbally abusing you. You should bring her on Maury and ask her why she degrades you and make her go to bootcamp.

Also, my hubs has Frodo Feet. As in they are large and hairy like Frodo from Lord of the Rings. :)

Christina_the_wench said...

And these comments upset you?!?! Hell, you'd be under the table covering your ears in a fetal position if you lived with me.

Amateurs....

LiLu said...

We were watching some crappy reality show the other day and three guys were talking about how one girl was super hot except for her ridiculous nose. She turned to the side and it looked Just. Like. Mine.

FML.

Andhari said...

That's not really nice ..don't worry I think you look great, alexa been posting your pics enough for me to think so :)

mysterg said...

Your girlfriend must be eyeing up a career as a jockey, as clearly you're hot to trot if she is still with you despite of those unfortunate flaws.

Violet said...

So....WHY THE LONG FACE?... hahaha, sorry I just had to get that out of my system, Narm, you're cute as can be!

Fizzgig said...

hmmmm shes quite descriptive. did you piss her off?

zwinggi said...

start calling her 'frank'. it's just subtle enough to not be an insult, but slyly overt enough that she'll question what it means for days, eventually get down on herself enough that her self-esteem will be in the shitter, then you'll start looking good enough that she'll be happy with your horse face, goblin nose, and wee beady eyes.

Maxie said...

I like hose face better.

Mike said...

I can see a Jay Leno comparison coming up soon.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

ok sarah jessica parker

lbluca77 said...

She could have called you a horses ass. Isn’t the whole point of having a boyfriend so you can verbally abuse him?

Amy G said...

i'm guessing you guys were in bed when she called you these things. that always seems to be the time to be honest in a naked, cute way.

Je said...

Too funny. I love how you wrap every post up with a pun.
Clevah.
And your lady friend - she's a keeper! The minute you get all mushy on the male species, they're out the door. Smart cookie to insult you all the time.
;)