Monday, August 3, 2009

Throwing Up is Going Down

Guys could never be bulimic.

Have you ever heard a guy throw up? It sounds like a dump truck full of old timey cash registers is dumping it's load into a big vat of running vacuum cleaners.

When girls throw up it sounds like a kitten's meow. Like "burp!" and it's over. It is practically a pleasant sound. Like whale noises.

Guys lose a minimum of two organs per vomit. It is like we are trying to excise a demon if we get the flu.

I feel like guys are just doing it wrong - like this is another one of girls' mind tricks. Girls just lean over the toilet and it's over. If you blink you might miss it. When I have the flu it is like a full body work-out. Every muscle in my body is tired when I am done. Lance Armstrong and his Tour de France can suck it; I just threw up for 2 hours. If guys were bulimic we would all be ripped. Instead of P90X I am just going to eat day-old Chinese food once a week and spend my Sunday hunched over the lue. Feel the burn!

Girls have no idea what it feels like. Imagine the feeling of your innards opening up and just spewing out their contents.

What's that?

Oh...childbirth...right.

You know, the puking thing really isn't that bad.

19 comments:

mysterg said...

Reminds me of the saying: "Guys fart, whereas Girls pass wind".

Girls may have their insides fall out of them which is admittedly quite painful by all accoutns, but isn't that why God gave them multiple orgasms to make up for it?

Besides, Man Flu is not to be sniffed at!

Lily said...

Obviously you've never heard THIS GIRL throw up...

Ben said...

Mine has come out my nose before.

Marie said...

Try throwing up from 3am-8am in the morning every 40 minutes due to food poisoning.

Yes that happened to me. Yes I'm a girl. And by golly no it was not pretty.

I'm already feeling nauseous talking about it...

Mike said...

We want video of Ben puking out his nose!

LiLu said...

You haven't really thrown up until you've thrown up spaghetti.

Just sayin.

Amy G said...

i must be a boy because i puke just like you described.

miss. chief said...

oh gosh, i just wrote a post about throwing up violently around a month ago - i'm definitely no delicate flower in the vomit arena.
it involved salad in the nose.

Angela said...

You've got it all wrong. It's NOT pleasant when we girls puke. It's just as bad as when guys do it.

moooooog35 said...

When I puke I sound like Chris Farley giving a motivational speech.

Sometimes I try to yell "DOWN BY THE RIVER!!" while I'm in mid-stream just for added effect.

Maxie said...

my ex boyfriend used to YELL as the vomit was coming out. It was horrible.

Taylor said...

This post and the comments made me feel sick. I throw up when I see/hear/apparently read about other people throwing up. Eww.

CindyMarie said...

I puked pretty much everyday of my 9 month pregnancy and I can say it wasn't pretty. Most of the time it was bile and blood I was puking because my stomach was empty. Biles tastes gross when throwing up.. about as bad as milk after it curtles.. To make matters worse I puked while in labor too. Pushing out my baby and vomiting ice chips and bile... yum oh the memories

Andhari said...

I think it's hard to be bullimic because when i throw up it's the worst feeling in the world and despite my small self I do puke like a truck driver!

Matt said...

puking gives me heart burn. It's so acidic, it burns holes through couches.

I'd like to see a chick accomplish that

Matt said...

Also- Maries comment?

Yeah. Food poisoning????

sounds more like morning sickness to me.

Party Tard said...

As I was reading this I faintly remembered breaking up with a dude after he puked at my house. Pretty sure I was standing outside the bathroom with his shoes and my door open.

OhMyLaughter said...

Bahaha P90X = Vomming regularly.

Ida said...

I do and I'm a girl! I know exactly what you feel!!! Me and my Dad are the only ones it is like this for in my family. But it's horrible!!! I feel like I'm going to die...

And they mock us for making such miserable monster noises... Lucky jerks. It really is THAT painful...