I am vanilla.
My entire wardrobe is full of solid-color selections that rarely venture outside of browns, grays or black. I will admit I have a light blue shirt in the back of my closet for when I feel a bit saucy - but mostly I stick to earf tones.
I like it this way. I enjoy the look of a solid color - plus, lets face it - my face does most of the talking. I mean have you SEEN this thing? I'm like the love baby between Brad Pitt, George Clooney and James Dean. My three Dads!
But even more than directing attention to my money maker - I hate graphics on shirts for two reasons -
A) I'm not paying $20 to wear a shirt advertising your brand. I do this shit for a living and you should be paying me.
B) I hate explaining why I am wearing a specific graphic or what it means. It's a shirt, not a statement. My shirt doesn't tell you anything about me - but if it COULD tell you something, it would probably tell you I am awesome - my shirts love me.
Anyways - last week I was convinced to step outside of my comfort zone and not only purchase a white shirt - but a shirt with an actual logo on it. After kicking, screaming and a little crying, I agreed and went happily along my way with this shirt from Banana Republic -
Listen I didn't say it was the greatest shirt in the world - just a shirt. With an elephant.
After wearing the shirt ONE time I am convinced I need to have a press conference. Perhaps I will release a book outlining the exact details of said shirt. It created such an uproar I am fairly certain that somewhere Sarah Palin is claiming I somehow offended her family with it.
Some reactions -
From coworkers - "Oh I love your elephant shirt! What does it mean?"
From friends - "I didn't know you were a republican? (editor's note - I'm not) And a green elephant? Isn't that, like, an oxymoron?"
From random guy at store - "So...what, man? Are you like really into elephants or something?"
So if you see me in my new shirt and want to ask a question - go ahead.
I don't want to be the elephant in the room.