Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Too Sexy For My Shirt

I am vanilla.

My entire wardrobe is full of solid-color selections that rarely venture outside of browns, grays or black. I will admit I have a light blue shirt in the back of my closet for when I feel a bit saucy - but mostly I stick to earf tones.

I like it this way. I enjoy the look of a solid color - plus, lets face it - my face does most of the talking. I mean have you SEEN this thing? I'm like the love baby between Brad Pitt, George Clooney and James Dean. My three Dads!

But even more than directing attention to my money maker - I hate graphics on shirts for two reasons -

A) I'm not paying $20 to wear a shirt advertising your brand. I do this shit for a living and you should be paying me.

B) I hate explaining why I am wearing a specific graphic or what it means. It's a shirt, not a statement. My shirt doesn't tell you anything about me - but if it COULD tell you something, it would probably tell you I am awesome - my shirts love me.

Anyways - last week I was convinced to step outside of my comfort zone and not only purchase a white shirt - but a shirt with an actual logo on it. After kicking, screaming and a little crying, I agreed and went happily along my way with this shirt from Banana Republic -

Listen I didn't say it was the greatest shirt in the world - just a shirt. With an elephant.

After wearing the shirt ONE time I am convinced I need to have a press conference. Perhaps I will release a book outlining the exact details of said shirt. It created such an uproar I am fairly certain that somewhere Sarah Palin is claiming I somehow offended her family with it.

Some reactions -

From coworkers - "Oh I love your elephant shirt! What does it mean?"

From friends - "I didn't know you were a republican? (editor's note - I'm not) And a green elephant? Isn't that, like, an oxymoron?"

From random guy at store - "So...what, man? Are you like really into elephants or something?"

So if you see me in my new shirt and want to ask a question - go ahead.

I don't want to be the elephant in the room.

21 comments:

Deutlich said...

I have a confession: I am mildly obsessed with graphic tees.

I have close to fifty of them.....

zwinggi said...

i wore the one trendy shirt i have to work today. it is black, and it has a dark grey skull and some stylish unreadable text and tribal type designs. it has a collar, but the sleeve-ends look like they were cut with scissors by a bland man. but i thought jason was going to hump my leg, i look so good. damn i'm hot. but, alas, tomorrow, it will be back to the solid color t-shirt i got at target. and i will be very comfortable without jason up on my shit

Sustaino - said...

I can related to this post as I bought a "Switch" shirt, designed to promote different green statements and I chose: "Save Water, Shower Together!"

Cheers,
Sustaino

bakingwithplath said...

I am a big fan of shirts that make you lose friends, like my favorite shirt which is simply a picture of the solar system and pluto has a little speech bubble that says "weak". Get it? Because they decided pluto isn't a planet? Oh haha!

I'll be going now.

justjp said...

You should have been, "No, I am just saying my trunk is huge!" Or "even elephants are jealous me my equipment."

Gilahi said...

Totally with you on the advertising thing. I've been known to spend time removing little alligators and polo players from the fronts of my shirts. Why anyone would wear something emblazoned with "TOMMY HILLFIGER" (or however you spell it) is totally beyond me.

Andhari said...

You really should shop with me, you know just in case you wanna try vogue page boy look. No silly graphics, promise.

Although you should buy a shirt with an arrow pointing at the direction of your junk. Just saying!

*wolfwhistle

Idea #527 said...

As I have often been nothing but cool, a couple of weeks ago I asked my guy friend why he had a small fairy logo on his shirt (much like the alligator). . . turns out I can't see well and it was a person. But he was oblivious to it and had me look at the tag. It was IZOD or something like that.

Best part? It was at my softball game in front of my whole team he had just met.

Stephanique1 said...

I like the "I'm With Stupid" shirt that has the arrow pointing up to my face.

Jill Pilgrim said...

Man, I wear graphic tees all the time and nobody asks me any questions about it. I guess the Jesus riding a lion riding a horse graphic must really speak for itself, huh?

Matt said...

Theres an elephantitus joke in here somewhere.

Angela said...

How do you have people asking you what your shirt means??

moooooog35 said...

I have this shirt:

Front: "I hate people."

Back: "I hate you."

It sells itself, really.

Ben said...

You should make your own and have an different animal every day. GENIUS!

lacochran said...

*blink*

You start a post with "I am vanilla." and then go on to talk about shirts.

*shakes head* So, not where I thought you were going.

mysterg said...

I'm not sure which is more disturbing - the fact that "My three dads!" sounds like a porno or the fact that elephants are representative of republicans...

Mike said...

I don't wear t-shirts that have crap on them for that very reason. Hey!! Wanna talk about what's on your t-shirt?! NO.

And since you don't have an email here on your site I'm going to have to tell everyone as well as you to go to my site to see a Narm type post. I think I out did myself on this one.

http://mikenet707.blogspot.com/2009/08/879-where.html

Ida said...

I totally bought an awesome white tank top the other with a huge elephant photo printed on it. It's awesome! No one has asked me anything yet though... Wish it had been a rhino. I really do have a thing for Rhinos, but I just like all animals.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Shouldn't you be wearing your limited-edition Cleveland's a Plum tee anyhow? ;)

Maxie said...

i hope you have a big trunk cause i'm putting my bike in it.

Taylor said...

I like thirt shirt! That random-guy quote is funny.

I think you should wear it again and blog if anybody says anything else.