Monday, August 24, 2009

I Will Murder My House

You know when you do something and everyone keeps warning you it is a bad idea but you only look at the good parts until reality sets in and it's too late and you are already screwed (girls - this is like dating a guy with a chin strap beard)?

Well, helllllo home ownership!

My Friday started with someone backing into my beloved truck. I am using the word 'truck' loosely here as it is a Honda - which is about as manly of a truck as a VH1 reality show is really 'reality'. Point of the story - it's gonna cost some money to fix. While this isn't necessarily directly related to the house, I am already trained to blame all things money related on the house (that includes my girl friend).

Saturday ended with my painting the FOURTH coat of paint on my bedroom. It was like a tug of war against my will to pick up that paintbrush. Like that paintbrush was a carrot and I was a 5yr old at the dinner table. I knew I had to paint it or I'd never get dessert. Dessert in this scenario is just a painted room - so I didn't even get to put sprinkles on it.

And then, finally, on Sunday - my bathtub decided it would be fun to turn my kitchen into a slip'n'slide by leaking water from the ceiling and all over. This proves my bathtub is stupid because slip'n'slides always end with rug burns and knee-scrapes and that is NOT cool. Buy me a Skip It or lose me forever, Bath Tub.

So after all of that - and the probable COST of all of that - I am pretty much ready to punch babies.

But that would probably get me sent to jail.

And as much as it sucked to have someone back into my truck - in jail I would probably get rear ended.

I guess things aren't that bad.

20 comments:

Angela said...

At least you don't have bedbugs, like I did last year. Those little fuckers are life ruiners.

Ben said...

Seriously. Blogger House reality show. It'd be genius. They could bring in Mike Holmes halfway through the season to fix all the shit that we couldn't/wouldn't/were too lazy to fix.

Marie said...

So what you're saying is avoid buying your own house? Cool, can't afford it anyway!

lacochran said...

4 coats? WTF? What was it, blood red before?

As for the rest of it, sucks to be you.

No problem, that's what friends are for.

Sarah said...

hang in there!

rs27 said...

I would like to be the token miority on Blogger house.

Christina_the_wench said...

Have you heard of that thing they make called wallpaper??? It's amazing I hear.

Smash said...

So yeah I am seriously questioning the 4 coats... why? And if it was blood red previously as lacochran guessed, you probably shoulda stripped it first, then primed then painted my friend.

Sorry about the bathtub, but ya know what, my house flooded too - I think it's part of first time home ownership... it's the home popping your cherry or something.

Ironically, the word scrabble is "sperem"

Lana said...

i don't think your bathtub is ever going to spring for the skip it because it knows you'd probably just end up using it as a weapon. i mean, i would.

maybe spill a little paint down the bathtub's drain and tell it to choke on that.

Mike said...

"FOURTH coat of paint"

So apparently the guy at the paint department didn't tell you about Kilz. That's the stuff you put on first to keep the old paint color from bleeding through the new color. Old red paint - Kilz - one coat of new white paint. (maybe two) And don't be cheap and try and stretch a can of paint out to far. It should go on thick enough that its just barely not running down the wall. AND DON'T BUY CHEAP PAINT!!!

By the time you're really old you'll know all this stuff.

Karen said...

What Mike just said above. Primer is your best friend. And more expensive paint = less coats required. (It's my day job to know such things.)

Welcome to House Poor!

BrazenBareToe said...

Ha, welcome to home ownership. Wait till the termites move in, or the pipes freeze and burst. Good times, good times.

Tru said...

haha. love the labels on this. Skipits were the shit. =)

www.anonymouslytru.blogspot.com

Narm said...

I enjoy that so many people thought I was trying to cover up red paint when in fact I was painting the room red. Sucks to be the next person to paint that wall!

Jill Pilgrim said...

"in jail I would probably get rear ended."

Way to look on the bright side, man.

justjp said...

I will punch a baby for you bro.

Maxie said...

shut up. you own a house.

I don't want to hear it.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i was wondering when the bitching was going to start...

moooooog35 said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Home Depot Credit Card Services.

Andhari said...

URGHH it sucks having a home when these things happen, did you call anyone? I'd be gladly to punch a baby with you.