Friday, May 9, 2008

Don't Stop Believin'

My "2005 Senior Olympics Champion" shirt is getting less and less ironic as the days pass. I heard a study the other day that said after you turn 23 your body ages in dog years (I made this up). Case in point:

Last Saturday night I threw out my back while cutting a rug (the kids still say that, right?) at a bar downtown.

Keep in mind my dancing is embarrassing in its own right. I pull both arms up and move them back and forth - kind of like how a little kid impersonates the wheels on a train - and then I walk in a circle. If I'm feeling froggy I'll try to dance with a girl which ends in me being a glorified stripper pole while she grinds on me like a bear trying to scratch his ass against a tree. I can dance to 80's music like most white people - because all you have to do is scream the words and wear denim. Thanks Journey.

But nothing is more embarrassing than throwing your back out by doing a ridiculous dance. I think people were actually relieved - it was like I was being put out of my misery Eight Belles style (too soon?)

But that is just one example. I also notice I get hungover from drinking 5-6 beers now. In college I could drink 20 beers in a night and wake up the next day with a beer for lunch. Now I can barely pull myself out of bed after a six-pack. I think hangover should be directly related to beers - I could even set up the formula in Excel if God is busy. I'm a saint.

Two weeks ago we set up an inter-office game of flag football. I took me over a half-hour to warm up for a one hour football game - and I was still sore for 3 days after the game. I don't think I am far from the day it takes me longer to stretch than to actually exercise. Or the day I need to do some deep knee bends and jumping jacks before sex (luckily I could stretch for twice as long as I exercised and still only stretch for a minute).

But perhaps the most depressing thing has nothing to do with my physical condition.

Our office recently brought in some high school students to observe what working in advertising is like before choosing it as a major. I was assigned to describe my job to the three students - as well as give them a crappy project I didn't want to do.

I'm not trying to brag (I'm totally trying to brag) but I was one of the cooler kids in high school. In college I was that guy who knew someone in every class and had the party house that everyone had been to and thrown up at somewhere through their college experience. Even now I like to think I can pull off hanging with the popular crowd at the super trendy bars - even if I prefer the local dive.

To these high school kids I was a dinosaur. I was that 40 yr old guy who still wears his Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt. I showed them a satire on the ad business and got the reaction of showing them an episode of Reading Rainbow. But you don't have to take my word for it...

I'm not even 25 years old and already these kids have that "I'll never be that uncool" look in their eyes when they talk to me. I thought I had at least four more years of making high school girls giggle when they talk to me. Is this what getting old feels like? Is it time I hitch up to a minivan and drive off into the sunset?

At least I can roll down my windows and crank up that Journey...


Deutlich said...

Journey makes everything better.


Also? I'd totally party with you even with the horrible dancing.

True story.

Allie-gator said...

I LOLed throughout this whole post! I think I knew you too! Are you sure you aren't from TX

btw-check ou my blog when you have a sec...great honor awaits!

brookem said...

holy hell do i love journey.

you know what else changes? in The Real World, there isnt supposed to be a "thirsty thursday."

or so they say.

Allison M. said...

F the minivan.

I think you are having a quarter-life crisis.

Loser. Get over it.

BloggingJason said...

I'm just lucky you fuckin' whippersnappers are kind enough to let me hang out for a bit before you ship me off to the Rest Home.

Karen said...

I've been getting the periodic "Ma'am" for several years now, and as much as I appreciate kids being appropriate and respectful,
every time I am called Ma'am I can feel the skin start peeling right off my body in horror.
It's pretty creepy that the tunes I rocked out to in junior high and even early high school are to kids now what my parents' sixties music was to us then. Eek!!!

-A said...

Completely understand that look of "wow, you're old." Met a group of people this weekend, one of them was a 21-year-old junior in college. After he asked me what year I graduated for HIGH SCHOOL, he literally replied with, "wow, you're old." wa wa wahhh.

Narm said...

Deutlich - be careful what you agree to until you see the dance. But I am down - I'll bring the denim.

Allie-Gator - great honor indeed! Glad you enjoy and I definitely check yours the second my iGoogle tells me you updated. PS - I WISH I was from Texas.

BrookeM - amen to that. I miss Thirsty Thursday. In college we also had "Old-school Rap Wednesday". Now THAT is a party.

Allison M - I'm always having a quarter-life crisis. Trouble is, at the rate I'm going - this may be my mid-life.

BloggingJason - can I come? I heard something about sponge baths there.

Karen - I never, ever get ID'd anymore. Ever. I will be out with people who are 3-4 years older than me and be the only one NOT ID'd. And I still die a little inside when I hear Nirvana on classic rock stations.

-A - did you punch him? Please tell me you punched him. Or told him a story about how "In MY day I had to walk uphill to school...both ways!" I love that one.

Alexa said...

um dude. im going to see journey this summer at blossom! heart too. doubly awesome.

if you were at dive bar when you threw your back out you are officially still a youngin. when i walk into that bar i feel like a dinosaur for sure.

surviving myself said...

you have inter-office flag football games????

dude, I am soooo jealous.

Maureen said...

I like that you included my EXACT instructions in your post "give them a crappy project to do." Hahaha.

BTW - I feel 10 years older everytime one of them lays eyes on me. And I just want to say: "Don't you worry whipper-snapper your metabolism will slow down too and YES you still get breakouts in your mid-20's!!"

Lauren said...

I love "Don't Stop Believin." Then again, what person doesn't?

I'm right there with you, feeling old. I'm only 24, but sometimes I feel 50. I go to bed by midnight every night. Saturday night is excited because I go out...but get tired by midnight anyway. What has happened to us all?

Here's the best, though. I taught 11th graders last year (who, to make you feel older, were born in 1990!) A student came up to me and said "Ms. Have you seen this really, Really, REALLY old movie called 'The Neverending Story?'"

I almost died right there.

Julie_Gong said...

i love journey and that satire

Bogart in P Towne said...

Don't worry is a steady, daily learning of just how "uncool" you are into your early 30's...I turn 32 on Wednesday and I am still surprised that I am just not that cool anymore.