My "2005 Senior Olympics Champion" shirt is getting less and less ironic as the days pass. I heard a study the other day that said after you turn 23 your body ages in dog years (I made this up). Case in point:
Last Saturday night I threw out my back while cutting a rug (the kids still say that, right?) at a bar downtown.
Keep in mind my dancing is embarrassing in its own right. I pull both arms up and move them back and forth - kind of like how a little kid impersonates the wheels on a train - and then I walk in a circle. If I'm feeling froggy I'll try to dance with a girl which ends in me being a glorified stripper pole while she grinds on me like a bear trying to scratch his ass against a tree. I can dance to 80's music like most white people - because all you have to do is scream the words and wear denim. Thanks Journey.
But nothing is more embarrassing than throwing your back out by doing a ridiculous dance. I think people were actually relieved - it was like I was being put out of my misery Eight Belles style (too soon?)
But that is just one example. I also notice I get hungover from drinking 5-6 beers now. In college I could drink 20 beers in a night and wake up the next day with a beer for lunch. Now I can barely pull myself out of bed after a six-pack. I think hangover should be directly related to beers - I could even set up the formula in Excel if God is busy. I'm a saint.
Two weeks ago we set up an inter-office game of flag football. I took me over a half-hour to warm up for a one hour football game - and I was still sore for 3 days after the game. I don't think I am far from the day it takes me longer to stretch than to actually exercise. Or the day I need to do some deep knee bends and jumping jacks before sex (luckily I could stretch for twice as long as I exercised and still only stretch for a minute).
But perhaps the most depressing thing has nothing to do with my physical condition.
Our office recently brought in some high school students to observe what working in advertising is like before choosing it as a major. I was assigned to describe my job to the three students - as well as give them a crappy project I didn't want to do.
I'm not trying to brag (I'm totally trying to brag) but I was one of the cooler kids in high school. In college I was that guy who knew someone in every class and had the party house that everyone had been to and thrown up at somewhere through their college experience. Even now I like to think I can pull off hanging with the popular crowd at the super trendy bars - even if I prefer the local dive.
To these high school kids I was a dinosaur. I was that 40 yr old guy who still wears his Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt. I showed them a satire on the ad business and got the reaction of showing them an episode of Reading Rainbow. But you don't have to take my word for it...
I'm not even 25 years old and already these kids have that "I'll never be that uncool" look in their eyes when they talk to me. I thought I had at least four more years of making high school girls giggle when they talk to me. Is this what getting old feels like? Is it time I hitch up to a minivan and drive off into the sunset?
At least I can roll down my windows and crank up that Journey...