Monday, May 5, 2008

Who Do I Have To Fuck To Get Laid Around Here?

Hey ESPN - I don't care who Roger Clemens is ____ing. Hey CNN - I also don't care who that Spitzer guy is ____ing. To be honest, I don't really care who ol Slick Willy had under his desk and what ended up on who's dress.

What is up with the media obsessing over who is ____ing whom? (I am guessing that was incorrect usage of who and whom but cut me some slack - I slept my way to the top). Roger Clemens is a baseball player - meaning when he isn't on a baseball field - you can file his personal life under 'D' for Don't Fucking Care. To make things worse he came out and apologized for "mistakes in his personal life."

Hey Rog - don't flatter yourself - I don't care enough about your marriage to need an apology. In all honesty I had never really sat down and spent a good portion of time thinking about your marriage - so maybe I am to blame here. Maybe my heart was somewhere else and that is why you strayed. Rog - I wish I knew how to quit you.

Anyways I could really care less who is ____ing whom unless they are ____ing me - in which case I think I should AT MINIMUM be woken up for it.

Here is my Top 5 Things I Care Even Less About Than Who Is ____ing Whom

1. Pete Wentz
2. Desperate Housewives
3. That your boyfriend did the cutest thing
4. Where they are now
5. Anything on MTV not called Rob and Big

What did I miss?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you need a #6 - anything your roomie's girlfriend says. Of course, if you actually were to add that, it means you read this and listened to me so...

Maureen N said...

1. American Idol
2. Miley Cirus and "questionable" photo shoots

surviving myself said...

Britney Spears

Alexa said...

jessica simpson. gagh. i don't care how much cake to spread on tony romo's face. it's gross.

The Big Perkowski said...

The Kardashians, The Hiltons, The Gotti's, The Bushes... any of the famous train wreck families.

Narm said...

Ash - I think I covered most of our conversations in the "I don't care that your boyfriend did the cutest thing"

Maureen - I would agree with Idol if I didn't bet on it with coworkers and I forgot about the Miley Cyrus thing - that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Surviving Myself - and the attendance or lack thereof her underwear.

Alexa - I forgot about her - and when Tony Romo went on vacation with her and ESPN had 24 hour coverage.

Perk - nice - and I completely agree. Don't forget about the Hogans.

Allie-gator said...

amen brother!
and could they take if off the regular news too. I would much rather hear about the crack head that ran over a cop last night. Oh wait...I almost forgot about Biliary and Hussein. Did I mention I love the news!

Impractical Shoes said...

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt- Especially their "candid" pictures that end up all over celebrity blogs. Right...you just happened to be carrying around American Flags in Washington DC and got your pictures taken "accidently" while you were feeding ducks at the Reflecting Pool....get a life