Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Jack of No Trades

Have you ever heard someone say that "Everyone is good at something"

I have come to the conclusion that my special talent is mediocrity.

Unless procrastinating at work is considered a talent - but I read way too many of y'alls blogs to think that I am any better at it than any of you. And if you are reading this, rather than writing it, you are already have more talents than me - because you are procrastinating AND feigning interest at the same time. Bravo, Reader! Way to multi-task.

I am amazingly average at a lot of things. I'm by no means an athlete - but I can normally at least keep up in the office flag football game. I play guitar and drums - but neither well enough to actually be IN a band. I can kinda draw, kinda write, every now and then I am funny and sometimes I get drunk and take off my pants at the bar (I DARE you to tell me that isn't a talent).

I'm going to be 25 in a month and a half - I think it is time I found what my talent in life is going to be (and quit taking off my pants at the bar). Without a talent how am I supposed to have the quarter-life crisis and give up my job to pursue my real talent? The only real skill I have established so far is forgetting the attachments on extremely important emails - and I can do that from the job I have now.

Other skills I have discovered:

Forgetting people's names
Planning lunch before 10am
Being a wingman
Talking about myself
Being the loudest clapper ever
Growing facial hair
Getting lost
Being taller than people shorter than me
Burning my eggs
Having a deeper voice than any other 170lb white kid in America (possibly North America)
Saying bands "sold out"
Throwing things with any form of accuracy
Not being right handed
Burning my mouth on pizza rolls
Faking like I know what people are talking about when they talk about cars

Anyone have anything interesting on their list*?

* - indicates shameless plug for comments


Maureen said...

1.Arguing is by far my greatest talent.
2.Eating spinach and artichoke dip
3.Pizza lunch buffets
5.Ingoring to-do lists

Things I am NOT good at:
1.These word verifiction codes. Am I the only one who occasioanly gets them wrong? On my third try...

Karen said...

1)licking my own nipples

2)intentionally eat cottage cheese and ketchup mixed together, and other such strange things, and not throw up

3)totally forgetting to make really important phone calls/ mail super important stuff

4) be 10 minutes late for my 7AM job even when I got up at 4:30AM

5)leave way early for job interviews and then get stuck behind every concrete mixer, school bus, wide-load trailer, and legally blind 97 year old driver in the county, one after another

Emma said...

You're left-handed? Sweet, all the best people are!

I laughed out loud at "being taller than people shorter than me."

Here's my list:
1. Wikipedia-ing any subject
2. Using On Demand
3. Spending hours making the simplest decision

-A said...

As cheesy as it sounds, take your passions, what you truly enjoy doing, and make that your talent. It won't be difficult and at least it won't seem like a chore.

-A said...

Oh and a few from my list:

1. Forgetting the original goal of everything I do (like not including this list in my first comment)
2. Amature photography (if you call yourself an amature, it's still a talent regardless of how good you are)
3. Making lists that I inevitably never stick to
4. Being a terrible speller (I just had to ask how to spell inevitably, and I'm still not sure if it's right)

Beav said...

I am the same way, I am average to below average at lots of stuff, but not awesome at one thing, except for these useless talents:

1. I am good at picking my nose, I never come out empty handed.
2. To get ready for work in 10-15 minutes. I love to snooze!
3. The butt dive!! (I am working on the butt flip, cross your finger summer 2008)
4. Making soup
5. And I used to be awesome at smoking cigarettes, but I had to quit, apparently it is really bad for you. I am quitter!!

BloggingJason said...

Oh Nom, I wish I could relate, but my mom says I'm awesome at everything!

Narm said...

Maureen - if you know of a pizza lunch buffet around work and are holding out I swear there will be no end to my fury

Karen - you #1 just increased my page views by 400%

Emma - southpaws unite. And I have no idea about this On Demand stuff - are you available for hire?

-a - can eating be my talent? Because that seems to be the best part of my day

Beav - I've been trying to practice the butt dive for months now but my girlfriend will have none of it.

BloggingJason - funny - your Mom says I am awesome at everything too.

Julie_Gong said...

taking 2 hour lunch breaks seem to be the only thing i'm really good at.

Allison M. said...

1.making fun of people
2. buying expensive things I can't really afford
3. laughing at myself
4. kicking ass in flag football because no one views me as a threat.

Tin Ma'am said...

Being taller than ppl shorter than you? As a vertically challenged person, I resent that!
1. Offending people without knowing why.
2. putting range dressing on anything.
3. drinking people under the table.
4. keeping my clothes on when drunk (seriously, as a female, that's a talent).
5. Scaring men away when I say things like "i want to spend 20 years in the Army"

Emma said...

You mean someone out there is willing to pay me to teach them how to use On Demand? There is a God!

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

You should never quit taking off your pants at the bar!

My talents include but are not limited to:
1. Always knowing who's going to be guilty on Law and Order
2. A kick ass Cher impression when drunk
3. Making delicious crepes and waffles

maureen said...

Nom - I don't know of one around work, which is so ironic because I know of at least three around Lakewood. The east side must be too classy for pizza lunch buffets. I'm going to do some investigating. Can we say FAT ASS?!

Allie-gator said...

I hit my quarter-life crisis in June!!! And I'm buying a Motorcycle! Posted about it a while back! 25 sounds scary! Way too close to 30! :-(

-masting my dvr!
-perfecting Mac and Cheese!
-my body is great at making me feel like shit, I'm 24 and have had 4 kidney stones and 3 ovarian cysts (one the size of a orange!)<-Thats gotta be a record!! Go me!

umm...I can't top that last one...damn!

Allie-gator said...

masting??? Man, I'm off today! I get a freebee because its Friday, right?!?

*MASTERING my damn DVR**

Narm said...

Julie Gong - I remember those days of 2 hour lunches - now I get the ol "Eat At Your Desk" routine

Allison - no twirling your hair???

Tin Ma'am - what do people taste like and why do you only drink them under a table? Kidding - sorry to offend your shortness

Emma - congrats on finding your calling

Maiden Metallurgist - I demand to see this Cher impression

Maureen - we need to make a map of where each pizza buffet is in town. That way I can always know how far I am from deliciousness.

Allie-Gator - congrats on the bike! And you win on the orange sized cysts - the only time my body makes anything weird is after I eat Chipotle.

Anonymous said...

1) Being overly aware of the law when I am drunk
2)Being able to walk in the highest heels possible all day
3) Licking my elbow (I wish I could lick what Karen can)
4)The ability to be annoyed with someone for any reason or no reason at all
5)Making fun of people

surviving myself said...

dude, being a good wingman is a seriously awesome skill. Not many dudes can pull it off correctly, so you should be happy about that.

I'm kinda biased, but left-handed bloggers are the best.


1) Being mean.

That about sums me up.

I'm going to look at Karen's page now.

mindy said...

Speaking as someone who is 27, trust me when I tell you that when you turn 25 you will be struck with clarity on pretty much anything you'd like to know. For real. That's how it happens. I can't wait to hear how that goes for you!

Lauren said...

I am AWESOME and forgetting to attach documents on e-mails. I'm actually going pro at it; I think I'm that good.

Other things i'm good at:
-Locking the door to my house obsessively
-Eating ice cream
-Forgetting my cell phone at home
-making grilled cheese
-saying the word "fantastic" too often