Tuesday, May 13, 2008

There's No I In Theme

I've decided I want theme music.

I'm not really sure who I go to for this request - but it needs to happen.

Don't confuse theme music with a theme song. I don't want a theme song - I already have one of those (hint: replace lyrics with my last name: Nomina). I want music to play representative of the situation.

If I am walking down the street on a sunny day - I want the Peanuts theme song. I know, I know - awesome, right? This may, or may not be accompanied with all grown ups making the "wah wah wah" noise when they talk. (In this situation I'm not a grown up - just go with it.)

When the coffee pot is empty at work? Fur Elise. I think this would be much more dramatic while simultaneously letting people know that saying anything remotely cheery in my direction will result in decapitation. Or death. Or mumbled pleasantries.

When I go to all the "cool bars" I tried to make it sound like I frequent in the post below and then try to talk to girls - circus music. This is because trainwrecks don't have a theme song. Watching me hit on girls is like watching Paula Abdul act sober - I pull it off for a little bit but after a few minutes you are like "WHOA! You are TERRIBLE at this, aren't you?" And then I find someone drunker to hit on.

Of course there is a song for watching Cleveland sports. Anyone who knows anything about Cleveland and sports knows that we lose in spectacular ways. The Drive. The Fumble. The Blown Save. The Shot. The Choke. You can bitch all you want about your team losing - but you couldn't handle ten minutes of losing in this town. I'm not even a Browns fan but I feel their sadness through osmosis. Or lake water. Either way we've had 130 sports seasons here without winning a championship. Beat that (except you, Cubs fans.)

And, of course, when I find myself in an animated motorcycle race that suddenly takes a turn for the worst and the drivers attack me with pipe wrenches and I push my girlfriend, that I just met, through a magic portal to get her back into the real world and then randomly start throwing myself against the wall to make myself become a real person and not a cartoon anymore - A-ha's Take On Me. God, that was a crazy Friday.

(Editor's note: I have to admit I watched the A-ha video three times consecutively while writing this post. Do I lose cool points for this? And subquestion: Do I care?)


The Maiden Metallurgist said...

I swear every time I get pissed at my research group at work I hear the wicked witch of the west tune from Wizard of Oz in my head when I walk down the hall.

Lauren said...

No, I think you gained cool points for watching the A-Ha music video. (I may be saying that just because I'm currently doing the same...)

I want the beginning of "Dr. Worm" by They Might Be Giants to play when I enter a room. It's so game show-y and fun.

Allie-gator said...

"like watching Paula Abdul act sober" OH SNAP! THAT WAS GOOD!

No cool points lost! Totally love that song!
And from now on I want to know everything you are doing while posting! Its a must! BECAUSE I CARE!

rs27 said...

I'm taking away 3 cool points but since you don't care make it 872 points.

I want my theme music to be Afternoon Delight..its so lovely and...its about WHAT?!?!

Allison M. said...

It would be cooler if you used an Eddie Money song instead. Or, the Outfield.

Katey Perry did a cool version of "lose your love."

Julie_Gong said...

no cool points lost there but i probably loss cool points for making a music video of that song for a class in college. staring my brother and myself.

i probably shouldn't have even told you that huh?

BloggingJason said...

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but your song choices suck ass. Quit sniffing glue when you think.

A Concerned Friend

Bogart in P Towne said...

Dude...the muppets song rules...I have been caught whistling that tune more times than I care to admit to...and A-ha rocks.

Narm said...

Maiden Metallurgist - do you talk in a high pitched voice and call them your "pretties"? Cuz that would rule.

Lauren - game-show music when entering a room would be awesome. You could run in and jump up and down and then always bid one dollar higher than everyone else in the room.

Allie-Gator - trust me - you don't want to know what I do while I am blogging. My apartment is a Pants Optional Facility.

rs27 - luckily I have never been in positive cool points. And Afternoon Delight would be awesome - especially if you had a back-up chorus that would jump out and accompany the "Afternoon Delight" line

Allison M - I hear those songs when I am drinking - they were my soundtrack in college - especially Your Love. That and because I always gave chicks Two Tickets To Paradise...who am I kidding?

Julie Gong - post it. Please. For the love of everything holy post that video.

BloggingJason - you know what? You suck.

Bogart in P Towne - I enjoy having that song as my theme song - makes me easy to remember.

Allie-gator said...

So is mine...so isssss mine.

Do as you wish. I won't judge.

Alexa said...

nice choices dude! wanna know my theme song that i would enter all events in my life?

lyrics born - calling out.

if you don't know the song, you should.

ps. i have your shirt. when are we drinking BEER? or vodka in my case. can allison come too?

BloggingJason said...

it's true. i do. :(

surviving myself said...

I've always thought theme music would make my life better too.

I'd want "win in the end" (the song played at the end of Teen Wolf) playing for me when I need that extra push to finish something at work.

It's one of the best songs ever.