I like to pretend to be grown up, so now instead of late night binge drinking, I get sauced during 5 o'clock Happy Hour. Ahhh responsibility.
A few weeks ago two coworkers decided it was time for bad decisions - so to the bar we went. My two partners in crime were single and female - and as single females - spent a majority (think 95%) of our time talking about guys at the bar.
Side note - why didn't I get the memo that all men were supposed to congregate at bars at exactly 5pm everyday? Is it supposed to be part of my mating instincts? I didn't realize guys were supposed to show up at 5pm, pay for a bunch of drinks, make small talk and then go home without a number. I hope Nature realizes how easy it has it. I wish all I had to do was swim miles and miles upstream like the salmon, or have the female eat my brains like a praying mantis instead of having conversations about the new Sex and the City movie.
While evaluating the room, my female cohorts insisted on asking the "male opinion" of every guy in the bar (hint ladies - guys don't like guys they don't know. It is our nature. I don't like a guy until he has made me laugh, until that point I reserve the right to call him either a douche bag, or, if he looks like an ok guy, profess my indifference to his existence.)
To my amazement - almost every conversation went like this:
Coworker #1 - He's kind of cute...
Coworker #2 - Yeah but look at his shoes...
Coworker #1 - Yeah I think he might be gay.
Approximately 83% of the guys they talked about they assumed to be gay. Now, I'm not a mathematician (although it does rhyme with magician - and I'm definitely one of those) but I am pretty sure only about 5% of the population is gay. In Cleveland, Ohio - that number is probably a bit lower than the average. Not saying there is not a thriving gay community here, but this is what you see in Cleveland, not this. (Wait - that wasn't stereotyping at all, was it?)
Is this really how girls think? That every single guy at the bar is gay? The most amazing thing was the lack of reasoning. One guy was "gay" because he was dressed too well - the next was wearing a shirt and pants that didn't match, so he HAD to be "gay". How does that work? In a girl's mind, a gay man either dresses extremely well or embarrassingly bad? Is there some kind of bell curve?
Do guys need to hang red meat off of their shirt, have saw dust in their hair and be operating a chain saw before you consider them straight? (Again with the stereotyping, sorry). Even if you talk to a guy and he IS gay - couldn't he fulfill every girl's biggest dream? No wait, thats strappy shoes - SECOND biggest dream - the Will & Grace fantasy of having a gay best friend. If I was gay I would get so many chicks. I'd be all like, "Oh I really understand what you mean." and "He's such a jerk! Let's have a topless pillow fight." And then all the chicks would swoon and I'd take off my designer sweater and be like "HA! I'm actually straight - lets make whoopie!"
I think I may have gotten a bit off topic.
Lets run down things that are commonly confused for pinpointing a guy as gay:
Over the age of 25 and single
Not hitting on you at that given moment
So ladies, not EVERY guy you see at the bar is gay, I promise. Only the ones that can actually dance.