Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Have A Nice Trip

What a little asshole.

Kids are pretty much worthless as it is - they don't pay for dinner, they don't have conversations about the benefits of a 3-4 defense and they don't even have a favorite Guns'n'Roses song.

But the little asshole I saw this morning takes the cake.

This morning, as I headed across the icy roads of Cleveland, Ohio, I noticed a kid of about 7 years old walking down the side of the street.

Suddenly, he started doing a hilarious dance as his feet slipped on the ice. He looked like Christopher Reeves trying to do the Jamiroquai dance.

And then, he fell. Oh, how he fell. It was hilarious. I laughed out loud and slapped my steering wheel thinking, "Oh, how swell!".

Life was good.


That little son of a bitch bastard looked at his hands and they were bleeding. And he started CRYING!

Crying! Bleeding seven year olds crying on a busy street in 30 degree weather? Even I can't laugh at that!

So what went from a wonderous, hilarious event - suddenly turned me into the World's Biggest Asshole for laughing at the kid.

That bastard.

If I hadn't driven away so fast I would have given that bastard the finger.


Anonymous said...

Wow, such a nice guy you are, and we're supposed to forgive you because of the 'I'm kidding' label?

Now, if it had been an old lady, that would have been funny and forgivable.

Marie said...

Oh kids, causing trouble wherever they go. I think they like to make us feel bad on purpose.

Laurie said...

Try living with a couple of the little jerks.

One minute, they're colicky pain in the ass infants, the next they are aliens in Kindergarten sticking erasers up their noses, the next they're in middle school, locking themselves in the bathroom two and three times a day whacking off.

I tell you, if it wasn't for the stupid falls, slamming their wee-wees (yes, I said wee wees) in the toilet and running into sliding glass doors, I don't know if parenthood would be worth it.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Awww, and you didn't stop and ask if he was okay? awww, :(

but then again that could have turned out badly tall guy with a kid crying out on the street - see where I am going with that! That is the society we live in.

Fizzgig said...

if the kid was bleeding, that makes it even more funny!

they cry for attention. im sure it didnt really hurt.

This is why I wont have kids. I have no compassion for them.

Andhari said...

Awww poor kid -> I'm not all gushy around kids, I swear, I know some who aren't completely annoying noisy bastards.

But I would laugh.

Then I would feel guilty, just like you!

That Kind of Girl said...

Bloody handprints in the snow? The dumb little jerk was probably just trying to fingerpaint. Spread your snot-nosed creativity elsewhere, Jackson Pollack.

Deutlich said...

It was just a little blood...that kid didn't need to go postal.

I mean, duh.

Tori said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I nominated you for something.

Get excited.

<3 T

Kristen said...

Oh my God! Poor little dude. Did anyone go and help him? Where was his mother, did she see him fall?


Awkward247 said...

MotherF'er! Darn kids, they spoil everything.

Andrea said...

Laughing at inappropriate moments and then feeling totally guilty is my everyday life.

Ed Adams said...

How dare him invoke your compassion involuntarily!


Moooooog35 said...

You eventually felt bad?

You're dead to me.

Maxie said...

Come on. I do worse than that every time that I get drunk and no one feels bad for me. Buck up, narm.