Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Vegetarian Vent

The Lady Friend is a vegetarian.

And it is goddamn annoying.

Not the whole only eating plants thing - to be honest that doesn't bother me. Eating well keeps my abs rock hard and makes it a lot easier to go home to the farm and look the cows in the eye. Don't judge me, Bessie, your cousin was delicious.


If it were 1827 I would understand the confusion. You could call her a witch and throw her off a mountain or try to drown her or whatever they did back then. But it is 2010, even if she WERE a witch she would probably just get her own sitcom and date one of the Jonas brothers.

She is a vegetarian - therefor - she doesn't eat meat. Got it?

Does she eat fish? Let's see; one fish, two fish, red fish, NO FISH!

But I understand the fish confusion - and the questions about eggs and can even stomach people who ask about shellfish.

But once a month, without fail, we will ask a waiter for a vegetarian option and they will say,

"We have a turkey wrap".

Really? You are going to make me explain to you that a turkey is a living animal? Do I need to get out a book of farm animals and make the 'moo' and 'cluck cluck' noises?

Or maybe she'll just have the salad, thanks.

But what a great ad slogan to make turkey relevant beyond Thanksgiving:

Turkey - the other not meat.


Daisee579 said...

I want to see you in a restaurant with a book making "moo" and "cluck cluck" noises. You need to video that for us.

I knew people were dumb, but really - turkey as the vegetarian option? That's awesome.

Ashley said...

Hahaha! I've actually never gotten this before. Maybe it's because I'm a veg who does eat meat on occasion. I usually get asked if I eat eggs and diary - which I tend to clarify is a practice of vegans.

Yeah, I guess it is a little annoying...

Moooooog35 said...

She's a vegetarian?

Dude. That's grounds for dismissal right there.

Fizzgig said...

vegeterians are fickle. some of them eat this or that....but call themselves vegeterians.

i started as a vegeterian cus of my grandparents farm..(playing w/the turkeys in the coop and then.....what happened to fred??)
but once i started eating morningstar farms soy and grain meats, it was all over for me.

now i eat chicken and turkey. and sometimes a mcdonalds sausage biscuit, but only if im hungover.

and then sometimes ill eat a hamburger, but mostly a turkey burger. and once in a great, great while, i will eat real bacon instead of turkey.

no round meats. real or fake.

and eggs, ill eat egg beaters but are they really eggs? or...not?

i know, its annoying. but i no longer say im a vegeterian cus i eat some meat.

im a birdatarian. I eat fowl. and sometimes pork. and once in a while cow.

blue-eyed brunette said...

dude, that HAS to be annoying!!!
I think I'm a closet vegetarian. Or maybe I just don't care what I'm labeled. I really don't eat any meat. But just because I never think about it. If I'm at a steak restaurant there's a 50/50 chance i'll eat meat. But any other restaurant more than likely I'll choose something without meat. It's all subconscious for me, I guess.

**My word verification is Flies. maybe that's a new vegetarian option.

Jordan said...

I have the same problem when I ask about vegetarian options here, only instead of turkey they say chicken. If I got a dime for every time I heard that...well, I could buy like, some gum and maybe a soda or something.

TKTC said...

Cracking up. And to some points, all of the different groups do have different names. Pescetarians eat fish, for instance. The waiter who offers a turkey wrap deserves a filmed mocking. Me? I'm a flexitarian. Mostly vegetables with a side of "whatever the fuck I feel like." So far, so good.

stealthnerd said...

Wow, does your head just want to explode when you hear people offer the turkey wrap as the veg option? Because it made my head hurt to read it.

lacochran said...

Turkey burger!!!

lacochran said...

True story:

At Chinese restaurant:

Dim sum cart guy: You want?

Hubby: Does it have meat in it?

Dim sum cart guy: No meat.

Hubby: No meat?

Dim sum cart guy: No meat. Just tiny bits of pork.

Anonymous said...


Matt said...

HAHAHA... nice.

my gf is a pescatarian which just so happens to be a big word that my friends (and some family) do not understand. So then I have to explain.

Then they just kind of stare at me.

Sarah said...

How about steak?

I get those questions all the time. People need to run through all the meats just in case you still eat one. Otherwise they have no idea what to cook.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Oh man a have to look a pescatarian!

Toe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Toe said...

Vegetarians do have levels there are the ones that eat pasta or don't eat pasta because of the "egg" or those that do drink milk or don't.
Or the full out Veggies that eat only veggies and have wicked gas.

brookem said...

i've heard of the turkey burger option offered to vegetarians and it's just bogus.

whatever, ill eat the vegetarian's meat they're opting out of.

LBluca77 said...

I would be a vegetarian if I could still eat turkey bacon.

PomJob said...

I, too, am a vegetarian (with a few exceptions) and get sooo frustrated when the vegetarian option is fish. Plus I work in agriculture, so I always get tons of questions about business functions when I pass up the carving station.

There is a disconnect between consumers and agriculture - less than 1 percent of the population farms and many people just never think about where their food comes from. Kids think milk is made at the grocery store. They just have no idea.

Andrea said...

So I guess turkeys grow on trees now. Creepy.

Ed Adams said...


Vegetarian? That's rough!

She still likes Bacon though, right?

She HAS to like bacon.

She can puts the bits on her salads.

Fuck! No bacon? Seriously?

I was on a similar diet once. You could only eat pink clams. It was called the vagitarian diet, or something.

Andhari said...

SERIOUSLY? Wow, people really wow-ed me sometimes. Haha.

miss. chief said...

Yeah no kidding. Or how many times does she hear "But how do you get your protein?"


Selaen said...

Oh dear... It's not stupidity really, it's confusion. As has been mentioned before, the term "vegetarianism" (is that actually how you spell it? meh.) has been stretched so far that nobody knows exactly what it involves. I've got two friends who say that they're vegetarian. One of them doesn't eat red meats, white meat, fish or dairy but doesn't mind stuff like gelatine and other living animal-based additives. She also cannot stand anyone eating meat near her. My flatmate is the other vegetarian. She doesn't eat red meat, white meat but has started to eat meat. She looks at ingredients lists in certain foods and does not eat gelatine etc.

I personally don't know what the particular difference between vegans and vegetarians is, BUT I do have the brains NOT to offer anything that's been alive as a "vegetarian option".. :D

Hey, at least she isn't one of those breatharian-people. Now THAT'd be awkward! :)