Before I get into the important stuff I need to nerd out and say that I saw the Foo Fighters this past weekend and Pat Smear came out and played guitar while Dave Grohl sang "Marigold" - which, if you aren't a huge nerd, is an old Nirvana B-side from the "Heart Shaped Box" single. Since I was 11 when Kurt died this is the closest I could get to real Nirvanaing and I more or less jumped up and down like a little girl and ran home to put on a bunch of flannel and complain about my parents. Awesome.
That was Friday. Saturday I went...for the second time...to see The Dark Knight. For those of you keeping score, that is 5 hours of my life dedicated to a man-crush on Heath Ledger. After my man-boner for Dave Grohl the night before it took me three hours of locking myself in a room with pictures of Jessica Alba everywhere to straighten myself out.
But lets stay on track - I'd like to get something off of my ridiculously toned chest.
Batman is not a Superhero.
Even saying he is a Superhero is insulting to REAL Superheroes - in fact, I just talked to Captain America and he locked himself in his room and is crying. I tried to talk to him but he just kept screaming, "I HATE YOU" and playing Good Charlotte songs really loud.
Lets look at the facts.
Superhero (su·per·he·ro) n. A figure, especially in a comic strip or cartoon, endowed with superhuman powers and usually portrayed as fighting evil or crime.
Batman is a figure, he is in a comic strip, and he fights evil and crime. What is missing? NO SUPERHUMAN POWERS. If Batman is a Superhero, then Chief Wiggam is a Superhero.
Superman has the superhuman strength and flying, Wonderwoman has the ability to turn me on and Spider has the ability to make people take Tobey Maguire serious as an actor.
Batman is just a really rich guy that has all kinds of crazy gadgets, like Steve Jobs but Batman fights Supervillains instead of Bill Gates. (Depending on your opinion of Bill Gates I may have just proven that Steve Jobs IS Batman).
I will not dispute Batman is awesome - but Superhero he is not. I realize this argument will fall on deaf ears to you Batman fans because the Lady Friend and I had this argument for nearly 20 minutes after walking out of the movie - her main point coming back to the fact that Batman was "Awesome". Does that make ME a Superhero? Because we all know I am awesome - and I am WAY too busy to start fighting crime. That and I don't think Nickelback and Carlos Mencia count as Supervillains.
Anyways the argument with the lady was going in circles until the following comment was made -
"I'd still fuck him."
The girlfriend agreed.