Monday, July 21, 2008

You Gotta Stay Positive


So the Hold Steady show was amazing. Using my stomach as a mixing bowl for Crown Royal, Jameson, PBR and Jager was...well...not.

But while at the concert randomly talking to people because I suffer from "Don't know when to shut the fuck up" I came to the realization that about 72% of the population is socially awkward.

Srrsly.

I am not saying I am the life of the party - but I like I can have a conversation with a stranger without making their palms sweat (unless it is a girl - my looks have been known to make girls break out in sweats).


^ Sweats that girls sometimes break out from talking to me

If you sit down and think about it - when you have an actual conversation with a stranger - how often do you come out of that convo thinking "That guy was normal! I think I'll walk at a normal pace with my back turned to him now."

Never.

There is always an awkward moment where you spring from the conversation like so many babies from Brittney Spears' clown car of a womb and do that awkward trying-not-to-look-like-you-are-walking-too-fast-but-really-you-just-want-to-get-the-fuck-out-of-there dance. It's like the Soulja Boy Dance but with less sexual references.

Note to strangers - I don't care about your kids or strange health problems - my standing next to you in line does not make me care that your new heart medicine makes you sweat profusely. In fact - I had already noticed that and placed you in the Creepy Column.

Am I alone in this? Is it me that is a creep? Because I am fine with that - I just think it would be nice to know now so that I can explain why I am sweating so much.

12 comments:

surviving myself said...

I want those pants.

Mon said...

I dont talk to strangers. They call them strangers for a reason. My nightly bedtime story as a kid was "don't talk to strangers". I take this very seriously.

the almost right word said...

you are, most definitely, not alone.

rs27 said...

Aint nothing wrong with strangers. Because we are all them.

That was deep. I know.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Look on the bright side...

Maybe they weren't trying to get away from you quickly so much as trying to get their underwear out of their ass without using there hands. Hence the fun little sidesteppy dance.

Allison M. said...

Strangers like to talk to me. I must have a sign on my forehead calling out to all of the lost souls who talk to me.

I once had this 50-year-old woman ask me what I thought about a sweater that was only $5. Hello - it's $5 just get it. Anyway, she proceeded to tell me about how she always spends on her son and never on her. And how her son was 19-years-old, I had pretty eyes and how nice I was for listening to her.

Um, lady, I was just trying to buy a pair of sunglasses that you completely interrupted for 13 straight minutes.

Mel said...

I usually don't sweat. But get me on a first date and beads of sweat form on my palms. Seriously, WTF is that?

I would rather wear those socially-awkward pants before having to shake someone's hand.

Julie_Gong said...

I purposely try and make people think I'm a freak show because then they will stop talking to me which is exactly what I want... to sit in the corner of a bar sipping on my booze making crazy eyes at people.

Alexa said...

i like allison must have the same sign written on my forehead. the WEIRDEST people talk to me - and of course i fuck with them and make things up.

Kelly & José said...

I would say most people are socially awkward at some point (or at a variety of points). . .even you :)

Everyone has their moments*

ttown said...

I can deal with socially awkward. The thing that creeps me out is people divulging WAY too much information for one elevator ride. All that's left to do in that situation is smile and nod and pretend for 35 seconds that you care about this person's chronic ulcer/deviant children/hemorrhoids...etc

Anonymous said...

I want your hog.