If The Deadliest Catch were a girl I would gladly buy her an expensive drink even though I knew she wasn't going to sleep with me. I might even buy her ugly friend (Mythbusters) a drink as well.
Thats a bad analogy - I would TOTALLY do Mythbusters.
Not THE Mystbusters...but if the show had somehow taken female form...
Ahhh - metaphorget about it.
Anyways for those of you that DON'T watch Deadliest Catch - all the cool kids are doing it! And if the cool kids jumped off a bridge you know you would - cuz who would want to be stuck in a world of ALL nerds? Not me.
Here are the Top 5 Reasons You Should Watch Deadliest Catch
1. Jonathon Hillstrand's U.S.A. jacket.
What is more American than leather jackets? American jackets with U.S.A. plastered across them. And Bruce Springsteen. Added bonus: Jonathon Hillstrand has a mullet that says, "I'm on TV and I don't care." You go, Jon.
2. Cigarettes for Days.
I don't smoke - but I understand that smoking is cool - because Saved by the Bell taught me people who smoke use hair gel and wear leather jackets (though not necesarily U.S.A. leather jackets.)
All men wish they were as bad ass as crab fishermen. Even firefighters who routinely have to climb tall tress to save boxes of kittens think crab fishermen are bad asses. I bet if you asked America's Biggest All-Time Badass, Moses, he would agree. Just cuz you can part the sea doesn't mean you can catch crabs. One of the guy's names is Sig. That name is even bad ass. His name alone could probably beat me in arm wrestling - but its unfair because I am left-handed so I am at a disadvantage.
4. Mike Rowe's Ridiculously Awesome Voice That Can Get Chicks Prego.
True story. If you listen to Mike Rowe's voice - you can get pregnant. Male or female. Your baby will also be born with puberty. I am not sure if puberty is a tangible object but I am positive that Mike Rowe has a surplus in case there is every a puberty shortage. Is a puberty shortage an oxymoron?
5. No Other Options.
Your other choices are "I Survived a Japanese Game Show", "Hell's Kitchen", "48 Hour Mystery", or "America's Got Talent". Dumb. You could watch things with catching and deadly - instead of cooking and David Hasselhoff. Not to mention Deadliest Catch has things like "rogue waves" and "capsizing". What does "Hell's Kitchen" have? Too much oregano? Next thing you know you'll be watching the Bachelorette!
Let me recap last night's episode: One guy broke a bunch of ribs and was coughing up blood, two guys got in a fist fight and one boat almost capsized because they were covered in ice. Awesome. That's more action than Grey's Anatomy has seen in an entire season!
"Oh look a new doctor"
"Let's call him McQueeny"
"Ooooh I hope we have flitty conversations with sexual innuendos!"
BAM! I just wrote an entire season of Grey's Anatomy. Done. Spoiler alert: it still sucks. You should probably watch Deadliest Catch now.