Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Under The Sea

If The Deadliest Catch were a girl I would gladly buy her an expensive drink even though I knew she wasn't going to sleep with me. I might even buy her ugly friend (Mythbusters) a drink as well.

Thats a bad analogy - I would TOTALLY do Mythbusters.

Not THE Mystbusters...but if the show had somehow taken female form...

Ahhh - metaphorget about it.

Anyways for those of you that DON'T watch Deadliest Catch - all the cool kids are doing it! And if the cool kids jumped off a bridge you know you would - cuz who would want to be stuck in a world of ALL nerds? Not me.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons You Should Watch Deadliest Catch

1. Jonathon Hillstrand's U.S.A. jacket.

What is more American than leather jackets? American jackets with U.S.A. plastered across them. And Bruce Springsteen. Added bonus: Jonathon Hillstrand has a mullet that says, "I'm on TV and I don't care." You go, Jon.


2. Cigarettes for Days.

I don't smoke - but I understand that smoking is cool - because Saved by the Bell taught me people who smoke use hair gel and wear leather jackets (though not necesarily U.S.A. leather jackets.)

3. Baditude.

All men wish they were as bad ass as crab fishermen. Even firefighters who routinely have to climb tall tress to save boxes of kittens think crab fishermen are bad asses. I bet if you asked America's Biggest All-Time Badass, Moses, he would agree. Just cuz you can part the sea doesn't mean you can catch crabs. One of the guy's names is Sig. That name is even bad ass. His name alone could probably beat me in arm wrestling - but its unfair because I am left-handed so I am at a disadvantage.

4. Mike Rowe's Ridiculously Awesome Voice That Can Get Chicks Prego.

True story. If you listen to Mike Rowe's voice - you can get pregnant. Male or female. Your baby will also be born with puberty. I am not sure if puberty is a tangible object but I am positive that Mike Rowe has a surplus in case there is every a puberty shortage. Is a puberty shortage an oxymoron?


5. No Other Options.

Your other choices are "I Survived a Japanese Game Show", "Hell's Kitchen", "48 Hour Mystery", or "America's Got Talent". Dumb. You could watch things with catching and deadly - instead of cooking and David Hasselhoff. Not to mention Deadliest Catch has things like "rogue waves" and "capsizing". What does "Hell's Kitchen" have? Too much oregano? Next thing you know you'll be watching the Bachelorette!

Let me recap last night's episode: One guy broke a bunch of ribs and was coughing up blood, two guys got in a fist fight and one boat almost capsized because they were covered in ice. Awesome. That's more action than Grey's Anatomy has seen in an entire season!

"Oh look a new doctor"
"Let's call him McQueeny"
"Ooooh I hope we have flitty conversations with sexual innuendos!"

BAM! I just wrote an entire season of Grey's Anatomy. Done. Spoiler alert: it still sucks. You should probably watch Deadliest Catch now.

23 comments:

moooooog35 said...

I was behind a truck yesterday that had a bumper sticker that read:

"Got Sig?"

NICE.

Another reason to watch Deadliest Catch:

It's the one time I get to see crabs without all the itchiness that usually accompanies them.

Mel said...

That's another show I miss not having cable *sigh* I watched "Hell's Kitchen." LOL

The Doggy Did It said...

I do watch Hell's Kitchen, but only because Gordon Ramsey is hot! And I totally think he is boning Christina.

I hate most reality shows, I do love Deadliest Catch, Dirty Jobs, Top Chef, and yes Project Runway...but as far as any of the other bullshit...I will catch the highlights on the SOUP.

Oh, and just one question, WHO THE FUCK WATCHES TILA TEQUILA???

Beth said...

I watch Deadliest Catch but I don't enjoy it. So I agree with #4 and #5. Which happen to be the same two reasons I would sometimes find myself watching Dirty Jobs at all hours of the night.

BloggingJason said...

I might be preggers after just looking at Mike Rowe.

Alexa said...

mike rowe can get me pregnant any day.

but he better do a bit more than just talk to me.

ahem.

wait, i soooooo don't want to be pregnant right now.

ugh, you get the point.

deutlich said...

I seriously fucking LOVE watching Deadliest Catch. On repeat. Even eps I've seen before.

Love.Love. Love.

surviving myself said...

If there's Baditude, you can count me in.

Julie_Gong said...

I've already gave birth to 8 babies and one guy named Sal because of Mike Rowe's voice. True story...

Narm said...

Moooooog35 - I definitely need that bumper sticker. As for the crabs - should we start a blog with our own personal "Crab Count"

Mel - cable is one of our God-given rights, like air and samples at the grocery store

The Doggy Did It - I love me some Soup. As for Tila - people with penises

Beth - is your viewing purely masochism???

BloggingJason - actually thats from me - you had a few too many PBR's the other night and I was feeling frisky.

Alexa - I'll tell Mike not to put a baby in you - but you can still be his next Dirty Job - HEY-O!

Deutlich - as do I. Those marathons? The end of my social life.

Surviving Myself - oh trust me - double-dose of baditude.

Julie_Gong - you have enough to field your own crab-boat right there.

John Barleycorn said...

After reading "metaphorget about it," I want to get preggers from you. Brilliant!

rs27 said...

You take that back about the Hoff right now!

Deadliest catch is awesome. Mostly because Mike Rowe got me pregnant.

Kali said...

Nothing could ever compell me, sorry...

I think it's an American thing..

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Well I guess everyone beat me to the pregnant joke. Stupid work making me late to the party!

c.watson said...

Wait there's a show about mullet wearing men in classy leather jackets almost dieing at sea and I've been missing it? Do they also spit a lot on the floor and show off misspelled tattoos?

Allison M. said...

I'm proof that you can love Deadliest catch and Grey's Anatomy.

Maxie said...

Deadlist Catch is pretty badass. I can't remember if it was that show or the show about catching tuna where one of the guys drank 54 cans of redbull in a week. I think he's my soulmate.

Kristen said...

I am totally addicted to Deadliest Catch and it's not even because of Mike Rowe, although I'd leave my husband for that hunka, hunka, burnin' love in a second. I have a few dirty jobs I'd like him to do to me.

I mean for me.

Do FOR me.

Narm said...

John Barleycorn - you'll be getting a package in the mail in 3-5 business days

rs27 - Don't hassle the hoff!

Kali - I'll forgive you

Maiden Metallurgist - isn't being late to the party a sign of being prego?

C. Watson - of course - thats half the charm

Allison M - we should send you in for testing

Maxie - that was Deadliest Catch - and if the sea doesn't get him the Red Bull sure as hell will.

Kristen - I'll let you fantasize a few moments longer.

Hex said...

There's this moment during every episode of Deadliest Catch that I watch where I wonder out loud what I like about the show.

I mean when you think about it, it's sorta the same thing every episode, and yet it's utterly awesome no matter how many times they pull a pot full of crabs over the side of the boat.

No bass fishing show ever made me this excited, ever. It's like a magic trick that I tune into every week, and I still can't figure out how that quarter keeps getting in my ear.

MsPuddin said...

ok first of all smoking is cool, duh.

and second, i don't have cable, but I was at my friends house and he had me watching 48 hrs and I survived a japanese show. really? is this what people are watching, because it so explains why we are becoming less smart...

lacochran's evil twin said...

Now if they crossed this with America's Got Talent... then you might got something, Lucy.

Mon said...

Mike rowe sucked me in. I have the uber hots for him.This doesn't mean im a stalker, does it?