Monday, July 28, 2008

My Neighbor

If you were to make a list of the coolest dudes ever it wouldn't probably go something like this:

1. James Dean
2. Jesus
3. Simon Pegg
4. Frank Sinatra
5. Mr. T

But you would be wrong. Because Fred Rogers is the coolest dude to ever walk through the Neighborhood of Make Believe. And that is NOT a knock on Prince Tuesday.

Normally I wouldn't trust a man with two first names - but luckily Fred has that little "s" at the end of Rogers that makes him a-ok in my book. I mean the man was a legend, loved by all - and still put his shoes on one at a time, just like everyone else. has a story on why Mr. Rogers is the Best Neighbor Ever.

No argument here,

But their #1 reason for him being the Best Neighbor Ever? "Even Koko the gorilla loved him." That is a TERRIBLE reason! Mr. Rogers is a buffet of awesome - and you choose the fact that some gorilla liked him?

Fuck that gorilla. So it knows sign language - what the hell does a gorilla really have to talk about?

"Hey Koko! How is your day?"


"I'll get one in a minute - did you study today?"


"In a bit - have you just been hanging out all day?"


"Hanging out? Get it? Because you are a gorilla?"


"Oh cmon - that was funny!"

"Ok, seriously - I just want a fucking banana - now walk your ass over there and get one for me. I'm like 600 lbs heavier than you and I have these huge teeth. Do you see these? They'll kill you. I'd get it but I walk on my knuckles and by the time I get back to this La-Z-Boy the banana will be destroyed and there is no WAY I am watching Mr. Rogers without my banana."

Koko is a bitch.

Mr. Rogers didn't have time for that Koko drama - Mr. McFeely is bringing a delivery and someone has to feed those fish ASAP. If you don't agree with me, read the article and try to give me one good reason that Mr. Rogers is not Best Neighbor Ever.


MsPuddin said...

man you forgot to add diddy to that list...

and i'm mad you just had a made up conversation w a gorilla, but ill let it slide if you go and get koko that banana.


rs27 said...

Gorilla monsoon is not happy with this.

Lauren said...

Mr. Rogers? Eh, he's alright. But Simon Pegg! I would love to be best friends with him. STAT.

lacochran said...

Mr. Rogers' is hot. Especially when he unbuttons his cardigan.

And the Koko conversation made me laugh out loud. :) Thanks.

matt said...


Mel said...

If you a TRULY a fan of Fred Rogers and want to know even more of the amazing person he was, read "I'm Proud of You" by Tim Madigan.

I wish Fred Rogers was my neighbor. Much better than that section 8 crack ho that lives on the third floor. Grrr.

c.watson said...

I recently had to let a guy go because he had two first names, I just couldn't get over it. Other than that I so want to hang out with Simon Pegg, he's hot.

John Barleycorn said...

You forgot "800' tall t-rexes" on your "coolest people ever" list.

God I want a dinosaur so bad.

saratogajean said...

A tear came to my eye reading that article. Mr. Rogers was the best neighbor ever. Now I feel really bad about laughing at an "86 Mr. Rogers" memo that got circulated shortly after his death.

I do feel better knowing he didn't make up the name "Mr. McFeely" though.

catscratch said...

To this day, I can piss my Dad off if I start to sing "It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood", he just couldn't stand Mr. Rogers.

I personally think he was a pretty cool cat, but have always had a soft spot for Capt. Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans.

Jenn said...

This was pretty eff'in great!

moooooog35 said...

I would have to argue that the gay pedophilia thing with kids trapped in a hidden room under his house disqualifies him as "best neighbor."



I'm thinking about my dad.

Julie_Gong said...

BANANAS! - thank jesus for gwen stefani!

LBluca77 said...

Mr. Rogers always tickled my fancy when I would watch him tie and untie his shoes.

surviving myself said...

Koko is a bitch.

Best sentence I've ever read.

rawbean said...

I just realized how creepy mr. mcfeely's name is!

Maxie said...

I think his sweater is the number 1 most awesome thing about him. And the cool field trips. Just saying.