Bad Blogger

So I have been a terrible blogger lately. I haven't been posting frequently, I haven't been leaving comments on your blogs and sometimes I don't take the time to sort my recycling.

The shame.

And even with my overall suckitude I still got more comments than ever before on my last post. Hopefully this isn't like high school when Momina Nomina had to pay my friends to hang out with me. If so you should probably hold out for a raise. And I still want to know what she paid to have my prom date put out.

In all seriousness thanks to everyone who either agreed that SJP is scary looking or admitted that with even drinks in them they would still totally take her home. As for the Mac guy - I thought girls liked nerds? Now I'm screwed. Or not screwed. Not sure which is worse.

But anyways - even with my suckitude, I've been tagged by Himbo AND Fiona to do one of those things where I list things that are things that others things don't do. Please go check out their blogs - they are just like mine only intelligent, funny and well-written.

1. I don't speak good. I mean I speak well grammatically, but I have these funky little pronunciation issues. I can't pronounce the "dr" sound as in drink, drank, drunk and dragon slayer. When I say it, it comes out jrink, jrank, jrunk and loser. I also do not say again as "a-gen"; I say "a gee-in". Which is nice and hillbilly and makes all my city friends have plenty of fodder to make fun of me. We'll see who is laughing when suddenly they have a bunch of hay and no one to bail it! Then who will be laughing, huh City Slickers? You'll pay.

2. I spent 3-4 years on the radio in high school and college. It was just for the small country station in my home town during high school and then for the college station at Toledo - but at least 4 people listened so that gives me as many fans as Eagle Eye Cherry, right?

3. To try and make some cash, my friend once auctioned himself on eBay to drive anywhere in the country, bring a boom box playing on Foreigner songs, dress up like Larry Bird and do anything (within reason) that you asked for a day. I wrote his description section on eBay and it was later featured on Jay Leno's "Crazy eBay Auctions". Neither of us saw it but he got around 1-2 billion calls about it. We called NBC to see if we could get a tape of it and they wanted to charge us $50. So I have, to this day, never seen my creation on The Tonight Show. If you are ever watching a rerun from 2003 with Jerry Seinfeld and you see the "Crazy eBay Auctions" come on - please call me. I'll give you $50.

4. My middle name is Elmer.

5. But I didn't get that name until 3 days after I was born. My parents couldn't decide on a name so they introduced me as "baby" for the first few days of my life. I sometimes have flashbacks when I'm at the bar and all the ladies are coming up and saying, "Hey Baby". I always want to ask them how they know that story but I'm too busy making out with all of them. At the same time. That might be a lie. But I did kiss a girl once - 6th grade was awesome.

6. The name on my birth certificate is just Jeff - not Jeffrey like most losers with my name. I worked at Toys'R'Us in college and when someone buys a big-ticket item they radio for someone in the back to get it. Instead of using a name, they always say, "Geoffrey" as in Geoffrey the Giraffe. For the first 3 weeks I worked there I would get furious because I thought they were calling me Geoffrey instead of Jeff. It took me THREE WEEKS to figure this out. Maybe I should quit jrinking.