Sunday, October 19, 2008

Bad Blogger

So I have been a terrible blogger lately. I haven't been posting frequently, I haven't been leaving comments on your blogs and sometimes I don't take the time to sort my recycling.

The shame.

And even with my overall suckitude I still got more comments than ever before on my last post. Hopefully this isn't like high school when Momina Nomina had to pay my friends to hang out with me. If so you should probably hold out for a raise. And I still want to know what she paid to have my prom date put out.

In all seriousness thanks to everyone who either agreed that SJP is scary looking or admitted that with even drinks in them they would still totally take her home. As for the Mac guy - I thought girls liked nerds? Now I'm screwed. Or not screwed. Not sure which is worse.

But anyways - even with my suckitude, I've been tagged by Himbo AND Fiona to do one of those things where I list things that are things that others things don't do. Please go check out their blogs - they are just like mine only intelligent, funny and well-written.

1. I don't speak good. I mean I speak well grammatically, but I have these funky little pronunciation issues. I can't pronounce the "dr" sound as in drink, drank, drunk and dragon slayer. When I say it, it comes out jrink, jrank, jrunk and loser. I also do not say again as "a-gen"; I say "a gee-in". Which is nice and hillbilly and makes all my city friends have plenty of fodder to make fun of me. We'll see who is laughing when suddenly they have a bunch of hay and no one to bail it! Then who will be laughing, huh City Slickers? You'll pay.

2. I spent 3-4 years on the radio in high school and college. It was just for the small country station in my home town during high school and then for the college station at Toledo - but at least 4 people listened so that gives me as many fans as Eagle Eye Cherry, right?

3. To try and make some cash, my friend once auctioned himself on eBay to drive anywhere in the country, bring a boom box playing on Foreigner songs, dress up like Larry Bird and do anything (within reason) that you asked for a day. I wrote his description section on eBay and it was later featured on Jay Leno's "Crazy eBay Auctions". Neither of us saw it but he got around 1-2 billion calls about it. We called NBC to see if we could get a tape of it and they wanted to charge us $50. So I have, to this day, never seen my creation on The Tonight Show. If you are ever watching a rerun from 2003 with Jerry Seinfeld and you see the "Crazy eBay Auctions" come on - please call me. I'll give you $50.

4. My middle name is Elmer.

5. But I didn't get that name until 3 days after I was born. My parents couldn't decide on a name so they introduced me as "baby" for the first few days of my life. I sometimes have flashbacks when I'm at the bar and all the ladies are coming up and saying, "Hey Baby". I always want to ask them how they know that story but I'm too busy making out with all of them. At the same time. That might be a lie. But I did kiss a girl once - 6th grade was awesome.

6. The name on my birth certificate is just Jeff - not Jeffrey like most losers with my name. I worked at Toys'R'Us in college and when someone buys a big-ticket item they radio for someone in the back to get it. Instead of using a name, they always say, "Geoffrey" as in Geoffrey the Giraffe. For the first 3 weeks I worked there I would get furious because I thought they were calling me Geoffrey instead of Jeff. It took me THREE WEEKS to figure this out. Maybe I should quit jrinking.

26 comments:

Kristen said...

I know a guy named Jeffrey Todd Enos.

Say it fast and you'll see why your name is wonderful and you will call Momina Nomina and thank her.

matt said...

I think you're off the hook, just for making an Eagle Eye Cherry reference.

Where is he now?

Oh yeah, he sucked.

Alexa said...

my middle name is Harriet we can be the co-presidents of the old persons middle name club.

now that i think about it, you do kinda have a whole sexy voice thing going on. (no, i'm not hitting on you - i'm a heartbreaker what can i say)

also, i think you have a great face for radio.

moooooog35 said...

Man, I thought having "Rodney" for a first name was bad.

It still is.

For my Catholic Confirmation, I tried to take the name "Ezekiel." I thought it would be cool to be called "Zeke" instead of "Rod," "Rodney," "Round-ney" (I was fat) or "Fat ass" (see 'fat' comment).

My father chased me around the table with the name application until I got tired of running and finally just gave it to him.

When you're fat, you tire easily.

One trip around the table did it for me.

"Zeke" wouldn't have taken that shit.

stealthnerd said...

Your Jay Leno story is kind of awesome. Except the part about never seeing. That part made me sad.

PomJob said...

Hillbillies love it in the hay, ya know. And as someone who's done a lot of haying, I'm pretty sure you bale hay. Unless you're picking it up from jail.

You sure did work a lot in college.

LBluca77 said...

So then you were like the David Silver of your high school with your radio show?!?!

PomJob said...

Oh, and a professional contact named her son T0rsten Ernest Wegmeyer. Elmer's not so bad.

pj said...

Could have been worse - you could have worked at pet smart and jeff meant clean up isle two!

fiona said...

I LOVE Elmer :-) You wee Fuddy you xx
Oh and thanks for being sweet as always!

Karen said...

I know a guy named Dave Michael Black. Not David...just Dave.

He goes by 'Mike'.

longredcape said...

I am from the South, and my parents have a dog named Red. His name is not pronounced "red," it is pronounced "ray-ud."

Evil Genius said...

This post made me giggle. I love to giggle. So thanks for that.

Geoffrey. ::snicker::

Christina_the_wench said...

Forget the city slickin' haters. We country folk gotta stick together. Which cow we tippin' this week btw?

So you were a 'famous' local radio figure? It was WIMA, wasn't it?

Lauren said...

Girls DO like nerds. But the Mac guy is just...bleh.
The Geoffrey and ebay stories were great!

As an aside, I just want to say thank you for your comment on my blog (on the circus post). Seriously, it made my day. It was one of the nicest comments I've received - so thank you so much. :)

Mon said...

most people i know are being bad bloggers. there should be a place in hell for you. I don't believe in hell so you cant get offended that I said that.

girls dig nerds, but not when they look nerdy. euw!

rs27 said...

My mom pronounces it Gee-offrey. So you have that going for you.

So@24 said...

You totally pwned Eagle Eye Cherry

Dolce said...

Elmer? Really? It beats my middle name.

I'll never tell.

SS+1 said...

I'll put my money that you can still get a copy of the leno episode...you can always resort to youtube. Awesome story!

jeannine rich said...

Hey! It's jeannine from yesteryear. I was one of the people that listened to your facebook requests to read your blog- So happy I did! Ken and I were fans of the Toledo show. So, that was quite the revelation-- you penned the famous ebay ad! He took the credit for that...sneaky. To finish that story: He bartended some ridiculous college party and made $180. He was Larry Bird the next 3 Halloweens and I'm sure he would make an appearance for the right price.

Kelly and José said...

At least you don't use your middle name as if it's your first name like a lot of guys do.

I never understood this until I met my Brother In-law who goes by Todd (his middle name) rather than Jerrold (his unfortunate God given first name) -- with Elmer, this wouldn't neccessarily be justifiable*

-Kelly

just a girl... said...

i love this list, i cant believe its elmer and the toys r us story is just funny.

catscratch said...

OMG!! You're famous! Tonight Show Famous!

Heff said...

"Elmer" ? Damn, dude.

Chocobo said...

It's spelled "bale", you bale hay. Sorry, I'm a redneck from Minnesota; I get a little picky.

And I had a great-uncle named Elmer . . .