Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sneeze

I just had the most sexually rewarding sneeze of my life.

I didn't need a tissue, I needed a towel and a cigarette.

If I ever find myself wrestling in the sheets with an uggo, I can just close my eyes and picture that sneeze and everything will be ok.

I didn't even cover my mouth - I hope that my germs will disperse throughout the world faster than Shawn Kemp's bloodline and get someone else sick - just so that they can experience the same sneeze I just had.

Nope, I'm not even going to wipe that beautiful experience off of my beard.

I'm just going to sit here and remember the good times; the way that one sneeze changed my life forever.

God bless YOU, Sneeze.

29 comments:

Ben said...

Whoa. You mean business.

Ashley said...

Sometimes there's nothing better in life than a good sneeze!

Mon said...

they are the bomb. I think thats why people (myself included)get so pissy when you are interrupted before your sneeze is let loose. its the same as almost getting "there" and he gets there first. sigh.

Karen said...

I have had sneezes that have threatened to put my fiance out of business. Those are the shit.

Hilarious post.

Allison M. said...

Yes, you have mental issues.

Mel said...

uggo? LMFAO. That word is awesome.

And, we are the crazies??

matt said...

Yes Mel, yes ya'll are the crazies.

Narm is completely normal.

Right?

Haha.

surviving myself said...

Nothing like letting your germs explode into the air where they are free to terrorize others. Nice job.

moooooog35 said...

I had a burp like that, once.

Man...I can close my eyes and still taste her.

Be right back.

Alexa said...

wipe the experience off your beard?!

gag me.


hahaha

fiona said...

Sexual sneezing.
You need to contact the big Pharmacuticals with this.
Move over Viagra one daily dose of "Narmsneeze" and wooohoooo!

Poetry Sue said...

OH yeah. that kind of sneeze is amazing. As a woman I can tell you there is nothing better than a sneeze that gets you nether regions tingling... except maybe actual sex... with vin diesel

LBluca77 said...

Uggo! HAHA. You better hope you don;t find yourself wrestling in the sheets with a uggo.

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

And this is EXACTLY why god wants all men to grow their beards! Amen!

rs27 said...

Sneezes are dumb. Unless they come with a naked lady.

stealthnerd said...

Wow...I actually felt the power of that sneeze.

Nilsa S. said...

In a really sick way, you're changing the world one sneeze at a time.

Diana said...

Haha how long are you going to leave the sneeze residue in your beard? :)

just a girl... said...

you are seriously grossing me the hell out right now. but yes i too love a great sneeze

Karen said...

I am still waiting to experience on of these magical sneezes.

Angela said...

I guess you're going to have to hide the pepper in your house in case you get desperate for another sneeze....

Megkathleen said...

Wow, I can't say I have ever experienced such a sneeze. I hope the germs make it across the country to me.

akorves said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sandy said...

So, I liked your blog before. I really really liked it.
But after reading the line "If I ever find myself wrestling in the sheets with an uggo..."? I love it.

Maxie said...

I'm more partial to a perfect yawn-- those are my jam.

wc#3 said...

I'm confused. Should I be grossed out or beg you for a self help guide to the most satisfying sneeze?

Somehow I'm not grossed out...

Lauren said...

That must have been QUITE the sneeze. I like the perfect stretch. Right after waking up, just stretching arms and legs as far as possible. It's wonderful.

catscratch said...

I think I just got infected with O-Sneezes.

God bless you for sharing those germs!

saratogajean said...

I wish I had a beard to save my sneezes in.