Monday, October 27, 2008

Booger Nights

We're friends, right?

I mean I'm not going to ask you to be in my fictional wedding - and you probably won't have me watch your dog when you take that well deserved vacation to Denver this winter - but I'd say we're friendly.

Well I gotta tell ya something.

I love picking my nose.

Oh don't act like you don't go digging for gold every now and then. When you got a boog up there hanging out and getting comfy it feels like you accidentally snorted a small dagger.

But where is the proper place to get after it? In the bathroom? In your bedroom?

Judging by where I see it most, it's on the drive to work. I have never seen so many people knuckle deep as on my morning commute. Put your SUV on cruise control, cash in your ticket for the booger train and go! Go! Go!

I drive past business man after business man with a varying selection of fingers rammed up their shnoz. The pointer finger for dexterity, the middle finger for big jobs and, for those crustaceans that act like a scared badger backed into a corner - the pinky.

But the car is also dangerous. Let's say the person in front of you slams on their brakes and you are digging around playing "Where's Waldo" with a snot raisin - you are in serious danger of jamming your middle finger so far up your nose your brain thinks you are telling it to fuck off.

I come to you to be educated, dear Reader - please bestow upon me your favorite place to pick your nose.

40 comments:

Ben said...

Reputation be damned...the first things I do when I get in the car at the end of the work day is fart and check for boogs.

Better there than at the office, I say!

Alexa said...

i have no shame - seriously. i'll dig whenever the mood strikes me.

but you see cause i'm a girl i have dainty boogies. i don't have to dig too far - duh.

lacochran said...

Ewww. Like I need more disgoosting friends.

If you're not careful, I'm no longer gonna let you help me move. (Isn't that the reason why we have friends with trucks?)

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

I love digging in the car. And at home. And sometimes out in public. What can I say?

Fizzgig said...

not in the car! for that very reason, its not something you should do in front of folks! euwwww!

i honestly dont have this problem often, Im a big supporter of the neti pot since it was on oprah. it keeps your shit clean and clear!

Blue-Eyed Brunette said...

Haha! I've dug in the car! But mostly I blow (not that kind of blow, or maybe) right when I get out of the shower, because that's when they're all soft and squishy and prime.
Cheers to Boogers!

Scarlett said...

Damn it, I knew I was missing out on fun stuff by walking to work!

surviving myself said...

Tough question. I'd say while watching tv. Nothing like flinging it and not having to worry about someone getting hit.

Hex said...

I hate to admit it, but I'm totally with you.

If I can feel something in there, my first instinct is to get it OUT.

btw -- this is why if we ever meet in real life, the handshake might just have to be optional.

Karen said...

Whenever, wherever. If it's in there, I've got to get it out.

I'm stealth about it, though. I'm currently tutoring my 8-year old in the fine art of nose picking because he things that just turning his head fools me.

Nay!

Ashley said...

Not in the car, that's for sure. It's amazing how people think you can't see them through their transparent windshield. Hello! I certainly don't want to see that so I know others don't.

Deutlich said...

I second what Alexa said

Arjewtino said...

The reason so many people mine for nose gold in their cars is that even if anyone sees them, they don't care since they're 99.9% anonymous.

Of course, it only takes that ONE time when it's someone you know who sees you.

Aaron said...

Gotta go with the car. I open my rear sliding window and "pitch" 'em right the hell out.

catscratch said...

I don't fart, burp or pick my nose. Ever.

Just don't ask anybody who lives in my house...

moooooog35 said...

Bathroom stall.

I'm working on quite the Picasso on the back of the stall door with my vast array of floogers (flicked boogers*).

*Trademark Pending

You should see what I'm doing with my ass hair lint.

Poetry Sue said...

AHHHHH I like to pick just as I am laying down to sleep.. its why I keep a trash can next to the bed.. no need to worry about the cats choaking on a booger ball in the middle of the night.

just a girl... said...

oh i am not scared. Int the car for sure

Martinis and Marketing said...

You're a riot! :)

I too am a blower, and agree with blue-eyed brunette that out of the shower is the best time to blow!

But if I must pick, I'll go to the ladies room.

pj said...

Oh man. When you put the heat on in the fall and your nose gets all dried out.. Oh never mind I don't pick, I just scratch.

Vicky said...

After a quick check to make sure no-one has got a direct line of sight to my nose, I'll go digging anywhere.

(It often turns out afterwards there was actually someone watching, but you can't have everything)

Marie said...

At home. But I usually pull lovely flowers out of my nose. You know because I'm a girl and dainty and all.

dmb5_libra said...

i'll go for it when i have one....but i personally prefer to do it in my office for some reason.

LBluca77 said...

I pick it while in the shower.

fiona said...

I don't have to, mine just kinda fall out.
Uninostrils?

stealthnerd said...

On my couch. Or in bed. And you know what else? Girls totally fart and poop too. It's true.

saratogajean said...

Totally in the car. Even if I have passengers.

Also, the shower. The bf's not to crazy about that little personality trait.

Jon said...

Definitely in the car cuz then you can flick them at your window. I personally enjoy aiming at dead bugs on my windshield. I get extra points for making it stick.

If your out of nose boogs ... try some eye boogs. At times, if you get a good one, they can be stickier than actual boogers.

So@24 said...

Reminds me of Marvin Redpost.

Remember those books?

Angela said...

hen you gotta pick, you gotta pick.

kristi said...

LOL...I read this on someone else's blog the other day too!

rs27 said...

these two girls yelled at me one time when i picked my nose.

In other news they were hot.

In other other news we didn't have sex.

Kristen said...

I am a LADY and therefore I do not do such disgusting things.

BUT if I did I would do it in the shower.

The shower is a good place for lots of things.

Evil Genius said...

I've been guilty of a quick pick or two in the car. But for the most part (thank God) I work from home, so I can pick at will.

Toddletown USA said...

Nom, I pick in the car. When starting to read the blog I immediately pictured myself scrounging for boogers in the driver's seat. I had no idea it was such a popular past time. I feel so loved!

canadian preTzel said...

The only thing funnier than the blog itself is the title! Fabulous!

Douchegirl said...

Whenever the mood strikes! It usually strikes while driving, though.

raych said...

in the bathroom while sitting on the toilet. i figure i'm already doing other gross things, might as well do it all at the same time

Himbo said...

Usually in my office, I have my own office and I work with some pretty stupid people so I close my door often. But I also have a box of tissue within arms length so no need to flick.

moooooog35: Gross, buddy... that's just gross.

Fiona: Umm, do you have a deviated septum or am I just slow?

ReRe said...

i busted a gut reading this. it's oh so true. and where do all those boogers go? on the bottom of the driver's seat.