Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Alarmed

You know who I feel bad for? That guy a few offices over who overslept his alarm and came to work a half hour late!

Can you imagine?

Getting TOO much sleep?

So much sleep that you have to say that you OVERslept!

Oh the horror! Poor guy probably woke up fully rested and without a headache from his alarm clock screaming at him like it's name was Stephen A. Smith.

I'll tell you what is a problem - undersleeping. The fact that I wake up 20 minutes before my alarm goes off every single day.

Know what you can do with those extra 20 minutes?

NOTHING.

You can't fall back to sleep because the exact second you finally fall back to sleep your alarm will go off. There is some crazy time / space continuum that forces time to speed up when you wake up before your alarm.

What do you do? You get up. You make yourself some toast and then read a news story about a chipmunk in Montana that has an affinity for wearing sweaters. Maybe after that you fold some laundry that has been sitting on your floor since the 80's - then throw on some clothes and head to work.

But you did a horrible job of wasting time so now you are at work way early and no one is around so you can't get anything done. You try to surf online but you already read the news story about the chipmunk so that sucks. Finally you decide to get started in on your work so maybe you can sneak out a bit early - which never happens. An hour later after everyone has trickled in and you finally forgot about how horrible your morning in the office desert, was your buddy comes running into your office -

"Holy shit, man. I overslept. I know I set my alarm - I must have screwed up the AM/PM or something. This SUCKS dude! What am I going to do? I gotta go, man - I gotta get shit done!"

Poor guy. Maybe I'll send him that article about that chipmunk to brighten his day.

27 comments:

moooooog35 said...

20 minutes to kill?

That's why God invented Snickers and Cinemax On-Demand porn.

SS+1 said...

I think you should send him a sympathy card.

Marie said...

Smack him. That's what I would do.

Ben said...

Offer to wake him up tomorrow just don't tell him your plan of doing so by crotch-stomping him.

Deutlich said...

I *hate* alarm clocks... so I try not to use one at all. So far, so good.

blue-eyed brunette said...

Yeah, see...I don't have that problem so much. My problem is that I *do* fall back asleep, then 'oversleep' and get into work late. I've NEVER EVER EVER woken up too early, or before my alarm. EVER.

@Ben - Crotch Stomp him, that's really funny.

JustinS said...

On behalf of the three people who'll get that Stephen A. Smith reference: well played, sir.

surviving myself said...

But what about that chipmunk?

insomniaclolita said...

Ditch the clock.

Then you'll be overslept too, promise. :P No more 20 minutes up early.

Poetry Sue said...

twenty mintues? that all... you ducheberry... I'm up an hour before my stupid buzzer goes off...

Kellie said...

I never have extra time to kill. Maybe it's a female thing but even if I wake up early I'm still late. It's like I know I have extra time so I take longer to get ready (but not on purpose) and I end up being 5 minutes late like usual. It's a problem.

Christina_the_wench said...

Make his sorry ass go get you some breakfast or something. Add to his stress. It's the right thing to do.

just me said...

That is so hilarious because it is SO.TRUE.

I always wake up before my alarm.
It blows.

f.B said...

That time/space continuum screws me. Every time. It's like time chases me into an alley, beats me and steals 15 minutes from my kung fu grip.

LiLu said...

I am a chronic under-sleeper. Not only that, as soon as I'm sort of awake I freak out about being awake for the next half hour or whatever it is. By the time I get up I'm exhausted from not getting up. WTF?

Kristen said...

My alarm goes off at 5:30am.

5:30!!!!

And my laundry from the 80's still doesn't get folded.

rs27 said...

Undersleeping?

Yuo have a disease and the only prescription is..

more cowbell.

You had to know I was going there, right? right?

Bon Don said...

Maybe you can make some prank calls...

or stop st Starbucks hold up the line by reading the menu over & over again...

drive really slow and cause traffic...

send out a mass email saying that you brought in doughnuts, but when people look for them just have an empty box and say "Oh! they're gone, if you would have just gotten here sooner!"

See there's lot's of things to do!

Desert Rat said...

Not because she is my sister but I'd do all the things bondon said for sure.
I'd also slap that guy and say "poor you"

BrazenBareToe said...

I hate the limbo time warp. What is with that anyway? Either it's passing so fast or you go back to sleep and wake in a panic and only 2 minutes went by.

Hammen said...

In Anchorman voice: How about that? That squirrel can waterski!

justjp said...

Lol, I am blend of these two. I wake up early, but if I am still tired I will set the alarm clock for a later time to maximize sleeping time. Then, if I am late like today, I will blame it on the clock/power outage.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

90% of the time when i say i "overslept" or "my alarm didn't go off" it means that i couldn't find an outfit i liked to wear to work.

MsPuddin said...

I hate oversleeping it makes me more tired and anyone who comes to work late with that excuse looks like an ass.

20 extra mins. in the morning, however, could be useful, I might actually do my hair...

Mostar said...

I agree with Kellie. I also have a bad habit of basically COMPETING with myself when each "snooze" alarm goes off, challenging myself to accomplish in 30 minutes what I have never done before, but dammit, today will be the day I CAN DO THIS.

I always, always fail. No female can accomplish her morning routine in less than 30 minutes.

I am sure I will try again tomorrow though.

Talk With No Thought said...

Oh man, the last time I woke up sans alarm was December. I cant wait for April when i get to sleep until my eyes pop open.

Fizzgig said...

i oversleep every day. I get up at 7:30. The bad part is, I have 5 cell phone alarms that start going off at 6, and I still sleep until 7:30. I am suppose to leave the house by 7:30 at the latest to get to work like 10 min late.

I am not a morning person.