Sunday, March 8, 2009

Bumper Stickler

Everyone loves bumper stickers.

Admit it - you love it.

Maybe not on your own car - but who doesn't love to judge another person by what they have paid $2.99 to permanently stick to their $30k vehicle? When you see a bumper sticker on someone's car on the highway don't act like you aren't jamming that accelerator and riding their ass to see what they want to tell the world.

"Proud Parent of an Honor Student"

"I Love my Pug"

"Keep Honking I'm Reloading"

We've seen all of these and know what they mean - the driver is crazy - but that's great! At least we know! Obviously one of the above is a little sadistic and scary - but hey - at least they WARNED you. Damn honor student parents.

Sometimes they are even convenient - when I see Calvin peeing on something I know I am in the safe zone. Like it is the official trademark of rednecks and can't be used or copied without written consent from Dale Jr. Or, say, a car has a peace sign - then I know the driver is a hippie and should be beat up immediately.

But nothing prepared me for the bumper sticker I saw this weekend -

"Got Clowns?"

Whoa, Dude, creepy.

Maybe it is genius - because there is no way in hell someone is going to try to steal a car owned by a clown. No one wants to be on a clown's bad side. I would rather punch Mr. T in his privates than have a clown as an enemy. Clowns wouldn't even try to hurt you - they would just stand in the corner of your room when you are sleeping so when you wake up you just see that big red hair and clown nose and your entire life would be ruined.

At first I thought I was being irrational and overreacting about the "Got Clowns?" bumper sticker. Then I saw a guy get into his minivan with a "Proud Parent of an Honor Student" bumper sticker on the back - as he drove past the "Got Clowns?" sticker he slowed down, looked over in disgust and spat, "Freak".

Takes one to know one.


lacochran said...

It's true. I love bumper stickers on other people's cars. It's a little gem of TMI about them.

Funny, I have exactly the opposite reaction to the Calvin peeing thingy. Or Nascar stuff. Or NRA stuff. It's gotten to the point where I'm even leery of anything patriotic looking.

But the worst is the "In memory of" stuff. When I die, the *last* place I want to be memorialized is on someone's truck. That is so not cool.

Fizzgig said...

There is a person i see every day gonig home from work who's entire car is COVERED in jesus stickers. I mean, every square inch of it. That is one freakish person. I always think I should take a picture. Probably a serial killer or something.

Kristen said...

I once put a gay triangle on the car of a guy who broke my best friend's heart.

He worshipped that freaking car almost as much as he loved himself.

Not that I have anything against The Gays. I love The Gays but he was just that sort of dickweed who would have been outraged when he saw that sticker.

It was pretty sweet.

Christina_the_wench said...

What's a pick up truck without a bumper sticker or those god-awful big boob silhouette mudflaps? It's like a rite of passage, isn't it?

Kellie said...

Even better than bumper stickers? When the truck has a decal over it's back door that says "I'd rather be cummin than strokin". Saw one of those goodies in Des Moines, IA. If he's not a redneck, I don't know who is.

Marie said...

Clowns are just downright scary. But what's scarier is seeing a bumper sticker with GWBush's face on it.

Matt said...

I dont like it when I see Calvin pissing on the broncos emblem.

it makes me really mad.

moooooog35 said...

I have 'proud parent of a clown.'

Best of both worlds, really.

Deslyxia said...

Clowns are the scariest things ever. Ever. A close second is my facial hair.

c.watson said...

I like the ones that have the whole family as stick figures with their names under each member. It makes stalking and kidnapping so much easier for me.

Sadly at the college I got my masters from there was a clown that taught a class. I think it was the most hellish thing that administrators could think of doing to a bunch of hung over college kids.

insomniaclolita said...

HAHAHA I'm scared of clowns myself. That dude is crazy!

brandi said...

i hate clowns. i also hate mascots. actually, i hate anything in a costume. halloween is a real bitch.

Giggle Pixie said...

What's weird is I LOVE bumper stickers, yet I've never had one on any car I've ever owned. But 'got clowns'? I'd drive in the opposite direction of that car!! lol

TishTash said...

Proud Parent of Honor Student is wrong. Especially if Got Clowns Guy was driving a clown car. Then the bumper sticker would have been completely appropriate.

Soda and Candy said...

Aah! Noooo, anything but clowns!

I love to judge people based on their bumper stickers!

Especially suckers with the loser-of-the-election ones. 'Cause now they're stuck with it!

Also, my word ver is "stifi". (snigger)

Ashley said...

I like the "my dog is smarter than your honor student." Those are funny!

LBluca77 said...

I hate people that put bumper stickers on their car, I think the police should pull them over and give them a ticket for public ugliness.

The worst though is the "Proud Parent of an Honor Student" Seriously no one cares little Johnny is an honor student in the 3rd grade. That doesn't impress me.

fiona said...

Hmmm Clowns...
There are stupid fuck circus clowns who are more to be pitied than feared.
There are Rodeo Clowns and some of them can kick ass!
Then there are "scary" clowns,remember Bowie "Ashes to Ashes" ?
Better still have you seen the new BBC series? Now that's one SCARY clown.
That's all.
I have jack shit to say about bumper stickers.

Anonymous said...

I love the ones that say "my kid beat up your honor roll student"

I also have to say I love the "Save the Tatas" bumper stickers mostly because "tatas" should be used more often in everyday language. And also because the sticker is for a good cause.

So@24 said...

You can thank me later.

Anonymous said...

There was a pickup truck in the parking lot at work a couple weeks ago, complete with mud on the side and a largemouth bass trailer hitch cover, that had a HUGE sticker covering the ENTIRE back window that said "When the tailgate drops, the bull$#!@ stops!" and it had a picture of a raccoon. WHAT. THE. EFF.

I took a picture of it.

Maxie said...

you know what's creepier than a got clowns? bumper sticker?

those testicles that people hang from their truck hitch. HORRIBLE