Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Love Letter To My Beard

Dear Beard,

I want to begin this letter by saying I can't remember the last time I felt so close to someone. At times it felt like we were part of the same person. Our first meeting was a bit awkward, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit skeptical that we could become something special. But you grew on me.

We shared laughs - oh, how we shared laughs. The long nights that are all a bit fuzzy now - but your razor sharp wit will always make me smile. As we grew more comfortable with each other I felt as though you could see it all over my face - I was in love.

But, as often happens, as time went on we had our problems. You stopped grooming yourself for the future and became a little thicker. I became irritated and had my own bout of rash behavior.

And last night I finally cut off what little connection we still had.

I want you to know that this isn't forever. We will see each other again; perhaps as the weather changes and I lose the need to be free I will retreat back to the warmth of your embrace.

But for now, I'm left to look at the pieces of us strewn around - circling the drain.

Here's to a clean start.

Love Always,


Moooooog35 said...

This may be just a weird coincidence, but I wrote the EXACT same letter to my pubes.

I don't miss them.

Ed Adams said...

I can't stop crying after reading this.

It's so very touching.

Like Michael Jackson at an Elementary School.

Now I've got snot in my stache.

Jordan said...

It's always sad as shit when Beards are broken up with.

lacochran said...

Uh oh. You're beard seems to be getting it's revenge... your profile pic is gone. Next it'll be trashing you on Facebook.

Ben said...


ashley said...

Wow! This is great writing!

Chris said...

I'm trying to grow my first beard right now and it's not looking so good. So could you send me your beard? My face would be happy to give it a new home.

Chris said...


"Why grow a beard? Logically, the question ought to be: Why NOT grow a beard? But shaving is the norm and letting the beard grow is the exception. So, it may require a bit of courage to take the decision to grow a beard. Once that decision is taken, it is easily reversed upon second thought. And another would-be beard disappears. When you see a man with a full-grown beard, you know he made the decision to be bearded and he had the determination to stick with it."

That Kind of Girl said...

Sir. SIR! It's like you've never even heard of No-Shave November! (Which is, of course, the logical offshoot of (R)Oc(k-a-'stache)tober.)

Andhari said...

But, but, clean shaven men are hooot! Seeing men with beards is like seeing women with hairy legs for me. Although you know, some people are into it :p

LiLu said...

It's okay... I got you these.

Matt said...

arent their counselors you are supposed to see before you make a decision like this?

Toe said...

Goodbye beard, we'll miss you.

Allison M. said...

thank god.

Joe Dude said...

Dear Sir,

I am interested in swapping links with this fine website.

Unfortunately, as my undersized brain was unable to locate an email link anywhere, I find myself forced to make the request a bit more publicly than I'd have liked.

Sort of like with my high school prom date.

(Hopefully this goes better.)