Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Suit Up

I've figured out what I want to be when I grow up.

When I was younger, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a dinosaur. Well, we can all see how that worked out.

But now, NOW I know what I want to be.

I want to be one of those old guys that wears suits everywhere he goes.

You know what I'm talking about - those little old guys with gray hair that seem to be shrinking right in front of your eyes. Like if you turn around their clothes are suddenly going to be way too big and the shoes three sizes bigger than their feet. It is like they are being baby-anized. Or part of some new horrible movie - Honey, I Shrunk Your Grandpa.

How many suits do these old guys own that they can wear them to the grocery store or the dentist? Do they collect them over the years? Why don't old ladies wear bridesmaid dresses everywhere?

It just doesn't make sense.

But it is my destiny. I want to get up in the morning, spend 30 minutes getting my entire suit put on, walk out to get the paper and then come back home and have to change.

I want to be the Barney Stinson of old guys.

So now that I know what I want to be - I just have to figure out how to be it.

But how do I realize my dreams? How to I become this new person?

I researched online and the only advice I could find was this -

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have."

That doesn't seem like it would work at all.


alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i approve of this decision. i also approve of the very funny first tag you have listed for this post.

Matt said...

What kind of dinosaur did you want to be?

Alot of guys always pick t-rex, which is the obvious choice but I always liked the velociraptor.

Ben said...

I still want to be Barney Stinson. Or even just Neil Patrick Harris. Or a triceratops.

Gilahi said...

Heck, I've reached the age where I feel like I am a dinosaur.

LiLu said...

@Gilahi- I was going to say, wouldn't you be both?

That Kind of Girl said...

It seems like maybe not such a hard racket to get into?

1) Wear a suit.
2) Keep wearin' it.
3) Before bed, change into suitjamas.

Maybe an optional fourth step involving pipe smoking or muttering about the white man's burden.

Gilahi said...

@LiLu - Nah, I never wear suits.

Moooooog35 said...


I've been dressing in white suits, large purple brimmed hats and swinging a feather boa for years and am I a pimp yet?

According to Human Resources, I am not.

Supposed be doing something in Quality Assurance if I can ever get out of these behavior modification courses they keep making me take.

Ed Adams said...

You could always just put mothballs in you clothes.

At least then you could give off the old person aroma.

Maybe add a T-shirt that has the picture of a tux on it.

lacochran said...

Maybe work your way up to it... suit jacket over the t-shirt and sweatpants. Stylin'!

Karen said...

Did you see the episode where Barney dressed up like his elderly self and picked up a 20-something girl? THAT'S what you aim for.

I also liked the first tag.

Allison M. said...

seriously, i love neil patrick too.

All Lacquered Up said...

I think the trick is to train your body to not sweat while wearing a wool suit and vest in the summer. I seriously don't get those little old men who walk around in a suit, vest and hat in 100 degree weather as though they've entered the frozen tundra. Baffles me!

Andhari said...

I almost choked on my coffee when I read that dinosaur part.

Anyhoo, SUIT UP! NPH needs a partner in crime and I can see you be one :D