Thursday, August 14, 2008

Meme

Sarah over at SillyGrrl tagged me for a meme and as an Idiot - I had no idea what that meant. Apparently I list seven random facts about myself - which combines my two favorite things: talking about myself and counting. I'm like The Count from Sesame Street but with Elmo's ego.

1. I call grilled cheese - "girled cheese". When I actually write it out I write grilled cheese - but for some reason when I say it out loud it comes out girled. I'm not sure how I turned girl into a verb - or what it means AS a verb. Did I give the sandwich female parts? Is my sandwich always running late and complaining about being cold? Does it put out? Because if I could mix food and sex I'm pretty sure I'd be in heaven - not to mention win the Nobel Peace Prize because there would be no wars if guys could eat and have sex at the same time. It's simple math.

2. I am extremely OCD about folding things. When I use a paper towel I have to fold it in half twice or I can't use it. Also, when printing things out and createing packets for work - everything has to be exactly lined up or I pull the staple out and start over. I have been known to throw documents away and reprint them because they aren't folded perfectly straight and exactly in half.

3. I have a bad back, bad knees, my shoulders are bad - but I am extremely flexible...Laaaaaaaaadies.

I can not only touch my toes but put both hands completely flat on the ground. I also learned through a drunken bar bet that I can place a dollar directly between my feet and do the splits far enough that I can bend at the waste and pick the dollar up with my teeth. I'm not sure if this is information that I should be divulging to the masses - but I think I've embarrassed myself enough on here that this is the least of my troubles.

4. I fucking love Brussels sprouts

5. A friend of mine got slapped for walking up to a random girl at a bar and saying, "Wow! You smell better than a bologna sandwich!" And I still don't understand why. He said she smells BETTER than a bologna sandwich. How is that an insult? Apparently bologna has a first name - and it's B-I-T-C-H.

6. My middle name is Elmer. I know what you are thinking -

That

is

awesome!

You are right.

7. My uncle holds the Miami Dolphin's single-game record for most opponent fumble recoveries in a game with 2. He is tied with 4,372 other people but damnit his name is there! He is also the reason I now much suffer through being a Dolphins fan which is a lot like being a Nickelback fan; when you tell people they just go, "Oh that sucks."

I'm pretty sure #5 had nothing to do with me - but there aren't enough good stories involving bologna these days. Glad I could contribute. And thanks to Sarah for making sure everyone knew more about me than they ever wanted to know.

Love,
Elmer

31 comments:

Rachel said...

When I say it, it just kind of comes out "girlcheese."

She slapped him? Wow. I think a proper response would've been, how much better?

LBluca77 said...

It would only be an insult if he said she smelled like a bologna sandwich. Stupid girl.

Elmer is simply the coolest name ever!

rona said...

Elmer's pretty cool, but my boyfriend's name is Lester. Not even kidding. I believe my initial response when I asked him his name at the bars was "that's unforunate."

Sarah said...

you're very welcome. you really out did yourself with this one and will be tagged with every meme i get from this day forward.

Narm said...

Rachel - AWESOME respond

lbluca77 - I wish my girlfriend smelled like a bologna sandwich

rona - How often do you call him Mo-Lester?

Sarah - I look forward to the challenge

Maxie said...

brussel sprouts are the shit. I like to imagine they're miniature peoples lettuce.

and broccoli are miniature peoples trees.

yes, i know i'm weird.

rona said...

Let me tell you, MO-Lester never gets old to my dad ... the same guy who still thinks it's funny to joke "Honey, where'd you hide the bomb?" at airport security checks.

Of course, after nearly two year's of dating Lester's dad still gets my name wrong, so I guess we're even.

BloggingJason said...

Brussel sprouts are a tool of the fucking devil. They are little replicas of the alien pods from "Aliens". When they finally hatch and eat your face, I will not be there to help you.

Kelly and José said...

I think being a nickleback fan is much worse than being a fan of the dolphins. Yes the dolphins have sucked but really what sucks more than Chad Kroeger? Do brussel sprouts make your pee smell different like asparagus does, just wondering because I never eat them.

Jose

Jocular Schlemiel said...

Nickelback is probably the worst band ever...well, them and the New Radicals.

The Doggy Did It said...

I LOVE Brussel Sprouts too!! We are like the same person..cept for the whole penis thing...and the Dolphin's thing. That does suck.

-A said...

You do not strike me as the type to be OCD when it comes to folding perfection. Though I have to say, you continue to surprise me!

I'm also beginning to think I need to try brussel sprouts...

Alexa said...

my middle name is harriet.

it is also awesome

Luke said...

Girled would actually be an adjective in this instance...
I'm just saying.
Elmer's a good name, very white-collar redneck. Be proud.

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

Have you ever thought about hunting ducks and rabbits using a shot gun with a name like that?

Yes... my corny ass had to go there :(

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

I love Brussels sprouts too! Loooove them.

ANG* said...

i just wikipediaed "meme." i still don't know how to say it.

my middle name is marie. BORING. thanks for being so creative mom.

i would like to witness this dollar-grabbing dance.

Mel said...

How in the world do you write a post that makes you both hungry AND horny? Nice work, stretchy.

And for the record, I never knew bologna really smelled like anything... I hope I smell like that.

March to the Sea said...

thats a cool middle name...

i called grilled cheese "GILLED Cheeze" (think gills on a fish) I do that for my 6 year old and he goes wild.

Kelly and José said...

I especially enjoyed the bologna sandwhich one -- made me laugh out loud and almost got me in trouble with my manager. . .apparently I'm supposed to be working?

-Kelly

lacochran said...

I think Nicelback is fabamundo, but I still quote the Fonz.

Lauren said...

Hm. I'm a bit OCD with folding as well. As a child, my mom would fold our napkins in half before giving them to us. Since then, I've started doing it as well. Almost naturally. So, yeah, my napkin must be folded while at home before eating. Man, i love being OCD.

Now the real question. Could you do a FULL split? If so. Wow.

rs27 said...

Bologna sandwiches are pretty awesome. So that girl must have been super awesome.

I want to hold a record in something. Maybe fastes mail clipper. I will practice.

Heff said...

Off topic, but I'm new to your blog.

"White Collar Redneck" is a difficult title to pull off. I thought I was the only one that's done it successfully.

catscratch said...

1. Dude, you can totally mix food and sex and it's divine. :)

2. YOU ARE A TWEAKER.

3. Flexibility is a very nice perk in certain situations.

4. You can have my share.

5. I think I might have slapped him too. Not sure yet.

6. Nothing wrong with awesomeness, babe!

7. At least he has a claim to fame... more than I can say for myself.

Have a super great weekend!!

Angela said...

No girl wants to be compared to bologna. Just a piece of advice for you and your friend...

ttown said...

nothing smells better than a bologna sandwich.

also, I love reading blogs that involve my two favorite sandwiches. nice work narm!

c.watson said...

You can do the splits? Wait are you actually an underage Chinese girl? Because otherwise that's pointless.

Anonymous said...

I think I'm having a crush on you, pity you're over the pond....

MsPuddin said...

oh yeah baby, there is nothing sexier than creeky body parts...

i once sat at the bar and said, "i might as well sell my vagina on ebay" and a guy bought me a drink. i guess one liners work in the favor of the vagina...

Karen said...

I love Nickelback.

(God I feel so much better now, thank you.)