Sarah over at SillyGrrl tagged me for a meme and as an Idiot - I had no idea what that meant. Apparently I list seven random facts about myself - which combines my two favorite things: talking about myself and counting. I'm like The Count from Sesame Street but with Elmo's ego.
1. I call grilled cheese - "girled cheese". When I actually write it out I write grilled cheese - but for some reason when I say it out loud it comes out girled. I'm not sure how I turned girl into a verb - or what it means AS a verb. Did I give the sandwich female parts? Is my sandwich always running late and complaining about being cold? Does it put out? Because if I could mix food and sex I'm pretty sure I'd be in heaven - not to mention win the Nobel Peace Prize because there would be no wars if guys could eat and have sex at the same time. It's simple math.
2. I am extremely OCD about folding things. When I use a paper towel I have to fold it in half twice or I can't use it. Also, when printing things out and createing packets for work - everything has to be exactly lined up or I pull the staple out and start over. I have been known to throw documents away and reprint them because they aren't folded perfectly straight and exactly in half.
3. I have a bad back, bad knees, my shoulders are bad - but I am extremely flexible...Laaaaaaaaadies.
I can not only touch my toes but put both hands completely flat on the ground. I also learned through a drunken bar bet that I can place a dollar directly between my feet and do the splits far enough that I can bend at the waste and pick the dollar up with my teeth. I'm not sure if this is information that I should be divulging to the masses - but I think I've embarrassed myself enough on here that this is the least of my troubles.
4. I fucking love Brussels sprouts
5. A friend of mine got slapped for walking up to a random girl at a bar and saying, "Wow! You smell better than a bologna sandwich!" And I still don't understand why. He said she smells BETTER than a bologna sandwich. How is that an insult? Apparently bologna has a first name - and it's B-I-T-C-H.
6. My middle name is Elmer. I know what you are thinking -
You are right.
7. My uncle holds the Miami Dolphin's single-game record for most opponent fumble recoveries in a game with 2. He is tied with 4,372 other people but damnit his name is there! He is also the reason I now much suffer through being a Dolphins fan which is a lot like being a Nickelback fan; when you tell people they just go, "Oh that sucks."
I'm pretty sure #5 had nothing to do with me - but there aren't enough good stories involving bologna these days. Glad I could contribute. And thanks to Sarah for making sure everyone knew more about me than they ever wanted to know.