Monday, August 11, 2008

Toe Be, Or Not Toe Be

I have gotten over my fear of people who's second toe is longer than their first. I mean, it is still kinda weird, but I have come to realize that these people are not necessarily evil, just their toe is. I definitely still have a fear that the toe will sneak out and stab me in the middle of the night - but my therapist says we've made progress.

So while I am not scared of Evil Toe owners - I have concrete proof that this appendage is evil.

Babies never have Evil Toes.

At no point are you holding a cuddly, weird handed baby and look down to see Evil Toe.

Somewhere along the line - that toe decides to fuck the system and just keep on growing. It's like the toe is stretching out to win some imaginary race with the other toes.

Hey Toe, thats weird.

What makes you think you can go all Dikembe MutumToe on us?

Grow up. No one is impressed by your little feat.

29 comments:

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

You've managed to make me completely self-conscious about my vampire toe before 8 am! Thanks for starting my morning off on the right note.

Nilsa S. said...

Your puns are killing me. It's like you're channeling my father. And not in a good way.

BTW, I hear people with bigger second toes are more evolved and make for better leaders. Take that!

moooooog35 said...

I have the exact same problem, except it involves my left nut.

Lauren said...

My second toe isn't bigger, however it is a little...dead. When clenching my toes, it doesn't move. I have to force it. Poor little toe.

lacochran said...

Sometimes the toes grow in weird directions, too. Snaggletoes. Ew.

On a related note: Why do people with the ugliest feet wear the flashiest flip flops? Yeah, like I needed to see THAT.

Emma said...

I really don't care for feet at all.

Confused said...

haha, great puns :-)

I'm so glad my second toe is well behaved and normal, I don't have to worry about waking up and finding there's blood everywhere cause it's stabbed someone in the night...

catscratch said...

I have cute toes. No evil there. The evil resides in other parts of me.

surviving myself said...

Oh the puns! The puns are out of control!

ANG* said...

i'm glad i don't have those freakish feet you speak of. i have plenty of other things to worry about. like ughhhh what's for lunch?

Mel said...

Oh. I thought that was sexy.

*going to return flip-flops now*

Alexa said...

im with nilsa i was told that the second toes means you are going to be successful and rich when you "grow up"

well at least that's what my mom told me. and she's smart!

Christina_the_wench said...

I came from moooooog's blog so blame him if I can't behave myself.

I lived in Cleveland for 5 years back in the '90's, before the sin tax and rock 'n roll hall of fame. Can I still stay if I promise not to cut my toenails and leave the clippings lying around? Where you can see them anyways?

Kelly and José said...

Haha, wow.

I knew something looked slightly off about my toes. . .

Although, at least they aren't webbed, right?

-Kelly

Kristen said...

I am happy and proud to report that my toes taper nicely from big to small without interruption or mutantishness.

I am superior.

Clearly.

c.watson said...

I have the evil toe, its true. And you gotta watch it because one time I was on the couch with my big sister watching a movie and the toe went straight for her throat. The two of us together were able to hold it back, but it was going for blood. I've worn closed-toe shoes ever since. I haven't had the heart to cut it off, maybe it's just misunderstood. Like if I gave it more attention it would be a better toe.

rs27 said...

I'm never looking at my feet ever again.

Thanks for that.

Sarah said...

first off, my toe is evil and so am i.

second off, because of your hate for my toe i tagged you in a meme. (check my blog)

i win.

Julie_Gong said...

so are you saying we can't be friends because i am the owner of evil toes?

LBluca77 said...

My evil toe just tucked itself back in with shame.

BloggingJason said...

What's worse?

Web Toes v. Evil Toes v. Zombie Toes?

Douchegirl said...

Thank goodness I dont suffer from the Evil Toe. Mine are all nice and go in decreasing order from big to small.

Maxie said...

I have no pinky toenail...

and yes, I'm just trying to freak you out.

rawbean said...

Here is a link to my toes:

http://randomrawbean.blogspot.com/2008/07/best-purchase-of-summer-i-have-made-by.html

YAY! All standing in order of height like it should be.

Dark Angel said...

I have an evil toe...to balance all my angelic traits you... but my pinky toe has a full nail! beat that!

-A said...

My crazy toe is the third, rather than the second. Though I've grown completely content with it over the years of "wait, is your third toe longer than...it is!!"

Jenn said...

I've never been prouder of my toes than I am right now. I'm happy to report that they're adorably non-evil.

Karen said...

I need you to know that my son was born with a longer second toe. What does that mean?

Sabina said...

Having a longer second toe than big toe is a dominant trait, you know. Maybe that's why Nilsa says we're better leaders? After all, being evil DOES help you get ahead in life.