Monday, February 16, 2009

Blonde Ambition

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I'm no mathematician.

So I cannot figure out how a girl that would normally be a 6 dyes her hair blonde and suddenly becomes a 9.

You know what blondes? I'm over it.

I'm completely over blondes.

Don't get me wrong, some of you still tweak my melons, but as a whole - eh.

Being blonde is easy. I see it - I'm a guy - it's built into my DNA. I see a blonde walking down the road and my head snaps around faster than Jessica Simpson's when the dinner bell rings. She is all like, "I say, I say, I say it smeeeeelllls like chicken wings." She is like the female Foghorn Leghorn.

But let's face it - for the most part - you are an 'eh' species. For every Marissa Miller there are ten Sienna Millers. For every Elisha Cuthbert there are ten Paris Hiltons.

Not that I don't love me a few blondes. Find me a little southern belle with some blonde curls, or an indie girl with a pixie haircut and I'm down on one knee.

But let's stop acting like every skinny blonde is Marilyn Monroe.

Brunettes actually have to work for it. They have to have things like good looks and style to be considered to be hot - not just being skinny and blonde.

And to be honest? Blondes are kind of boring. There's too many of yall. You are like Anne Hathaway movies - you might be interesting if there weren't so many of ya - and if it didn't take me 15 minutes to tell the difference.

You could line up 20 blondes and I'd think you stuck me in some circus trick with mirrors everywhere. Which would actually be pretty sweet. I could pretend I was on a football team of all Jeff Nomina's. We'd be the Cleveland PheNominons and our logo would just be a big beard on the helmet. Right on the back. That way the other team couldn't tell if we were running straight at them or Paul Bunyan was running backwards really fast. Oh the confusion.

I realize that this post isn't going to win me many popularity contests - but I think it needed to be said. We need to dispel this notion that just because a girl is blonde, it makes her hotter. Being blonde doesn't give girls some crazy super power that controls my boy parts -

that only works for redheads.

41 comments:

Bethie said...

I think between this and your request for an introduction to Emma Watson aka Hermione Granger (yes she's 18) Would Ya Wednesday has already written itself.

justjp said...

I totally agree. Some blondes has a sense of entitlement and you just want to shake them. Brunettes on the other hand have had to work at it and are more appreciate of any comments made their direction.

Regardez Moi said...

I'm a brunette. I generally think brunettes are more attractive and it doesn't offend me at all if guys flock toward the little blonds. Those guys wouldn't be my type anyway.

As a girl, I generally find girls with dark hair more attractive. Blonds don't do it for me.

Essentially Me said...

I find brunettes sexier, but that's just me. More exotic looking. And I like redheads too. But perhaps I'm biased since I'm a natural brunette and I have dyed my hair red on many occasions.

blue-eyed brunette said...

I love this post! Finally some love for us Brunettes!!

I agree with Essentially Me, we are more exotic looking and sexier. Its because there's mystery with us.

Ben said...

Did you craft this entire post around the PheNominons pun?

Matt said...

I'll take all the blondes you dont want.

because I am a man who is all about equal rights.

Heff said...

Blondes have more dumb, and that works for me.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

you know how i feel about this topic.

brunettes > blondes

LBluca77 said...

Well Narm I guess me and you will not be spending the rest of our lives making dirty love to each other then.

As a blonde I can say I don't think blonde hair makes us hotter. For me I look better as a blonde. I have light eyes and light eyebrows and light skin that would make me look gothic if my hair was dark. If I did not have to pay to get my hair dyed and I could just do it from a box I so would. But the same goes for eveyone, some people just look better a certain way.

But I am also not going to pretend having blonde hair and big boobs has not gotten me free drinks before.

Ashley said...

Boy am I glad this post came after my transition to a chocolate brown brunette...

Fizzgig said...

maybe if someone dispelled this people would stop trying to be hot by dying their hair. some people shouldnt be blondes.

chitowndebutante said...

when i've conducted my own research, i've found that most guys prefer brunettes.

i don't get all the hoopla around blondes myself.

Molly said...

i think we need to dispel the notion that having more eumelanin in your hair automatically makes you intelligent, thoughtful, and mysterious.

Deutlich said...

in my COMPLTELY unbiased opinion, brunettes are way awesomer than blondes.

Marie said...

Brunettes are definitely the shiznit.

Lauren said...

I'm giving all of my fellow brunettes a high five right now.

Krystal said...

I think we're in the midst of a huge cultural shift where brunettes and more exotic looking women are becoming the most popular...it's probably been inevitable with all the silly pop culture blondes like paris ruining their street cred

Angela said...

I also agree with Alexa that brunettes > blondes because we DO actually have to work for it!

Bryon said...

I'm bald, so, I like girls. I think Brunettes show more class though. I like class. Nobody likes a trashy blond, rockin' her Sketcher Sneakers in public.

Maxie said...

I'm a brunette and I will admit redheads trump all. Whammmmy.

insomniaclolita said...

I have black hair. URGH.

it's not appealing enough or what? lol

Kellie said...

Oh. No. You. Didn't.

Not all of us blondes are dumb. I'm w/ Molly and LBluca. This is bullshit. Blondes rule. Though I will agree that there are some people out there who should NOT be blondes and should stick to their natural color of hair. But I love my blonde hair and wouldn't change it for anything.

longredcape said...

When I see a girl with orange skin and white hair wearing six pounds of eyeliner, I want to stab myself in the eye. YOU ALL LOOK THE SAME. And you all look like OOMPA LOOMPAS

Julie_Gong said...

this translucent skin i support would look totally silly with any other color hair.

also i am funny and unboring so there.

rs27 said...

Brunettes make me make a mess of my pants.

fiona said...

I love you, but you know that already.

Sarah said...

just got my hair did and now it's very dark and cross btw a brunette and a red head...guess i made the right choice!

LiLu said...

I definitely find brunettes way, WAY sexier on the whole. Blondes are cute, but brunettes are stunning... beautiful... seductive.

Bon Don said...

What about girls with blonde highlights!??

LBluca77 said...

Jeez who would have thought there were so many blonde haters out there.

I have been asking some of my guy friends about this blonde/brunette debate and they all had very different thoughts from yours. hhmm might have to do a post on that.

Baking With Plath said...

I have brown hair. So basically, we can date now.

Karen said...

Red headed boys with freckles...Oh! I think it all started with my crush on Danny Martin on the bus back in Kindergarten.

HBee said...

All the blondes will want to kill you.
But I can't lie - as a brunette this is always nice to hear.

Cal said...

this post pretty much made me a) swoon b) weak in the knees and c) want to marry you. in other words, thanks for the love. us brunettes are underrated.

Dolce said...

I have very dark hair, the darkest brown you can get before it can be considered black. I dyed my hair blond once and was told I was never less attractive.

Serves me right for trying to hard.

- Back to Black.

dmb5_libra said...

i have dark brown hair in the winter, and medium brown with light brown highlights if i spend enough time in the sun during the summer.

i have had no desired to be blonde, but i once got free blonde highlights from my stylist in high school. worst free thing i jumped on EVER. it took years to grow out those piss yellow colored highlights.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that you're an idiot.
Point One: Brunettes don't have to try harder...men find brunettes much more approachable (there are studies on this) and typically pursue and date brunettes more often than blondes.
Point Two: There is a HUGE difference between a girl with naturally blonde hair and a girl who bleaches her hair, goes tanning and is so vain that she makes the Beckham's look modest. That type of "blonde" girl sucks and should be avoided at all costs.
Point Three: I have been discriminated against on more than one occasion because I am a natural blonde. How is that fair?
Point Four: According to Women's Health Magazine (March Issue, page 24), brunettes make $8,400 MORE per year than blondes.
Point Five: Who gives a shit about hair color anymore?

brookem said...

ive always been a fan of the light eyes, dark hair combo. what say you, on that?

Beth said...

I'm fairly certain this is the best blog post i've probably ever read in the history of blog posts.

And I swear its not only because i'm a brunette.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Agreed! Being blonde does not make a girl auto hot & it's annoying when men don't get that. I'm blonde right now, but that's subject to change approximately every six & a half minutes. And there ain't nuthin' "auto" about my hot.

... I have no idea what that means.