Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Flying Solo

If there is anything that science has taught us over the last 40 years it is that guitar solos cure world hunger.

Normally, if you saw a guy standing in the middle of the desert in only leather pants and a leather jacket, smoking a cigarette and standing outside of a random church that has nothing else around it - you would either think you stumbled onto the set of a porno or that maybe you shouldn't have eaten the General Tso's chicken in your fridge that you ordered last week.

But if you put a guitar in his hands he suddenly looks like an angel sent to earf to cure cancer, stop crime and sort your recycling.


But we never hear about the FIRST guitar solo.

Who was the first guy that was sitting at band practice, sick of playing the same riff over and over for some stupid song that the singer wrote even though the singer is some no-talent hack that they had to let in the band just because he could hit the high notes on "Don't Stop Believin'" - and as they couldn't decide what to use as the bridge for their new song he just cranks his six-string up to 11 and goes...

Watch this.

BAM - guitar solo to the face.

What do you think his band did after the first ever guitar solo?

Do you think they cried?

Was there a group high-five?

Was there a rainbow?

I want to know who the first guy was that decided that in the middle of the song he was just going to say fuckit and get weird on the guitar.

Who just says - "How about for this part of the song - you guys just play some stupid beat; singer - you go powder your nose, and I'll murder people's earballs with my fingers."

I'll bet he was in the desert and wearing leather pants.

23 comments:

moooooog35 said...

Leather pants + desert = genital chafing.

Don't ask me how I know that.

pj said...

Dude I love the drum solo.. Let everyone rest up and have some dude beat down the drums!

Krystal said...

haha, so I should have clarified that in my blog, it's either heartbreak OR you're lazy?

Regardez Moi said...

This was hands down my favorite post of yours. I want a guitar solo to the face. And would also like my ears murdered with someone's fingers. If they could also sort my recycling all the better.

It's official. I heart you.

justjp said...

Ah, but take it a step further and add to it the showman ship of the guitar solo. Example: Jimmy Hendricks wailing out a guitar solo, then lights it on fire and continues to play. Yea, bad ass!

lacochran said...

But did he do a leap and mid-air split? Enquiring minds...

deutlich said...

I used to have a pretty big crush on that dude in the picture.

And right now his name escapes me.

Horrible.

Bethie said...

I have a whole new appreciation for the guitar solo after getting involved with Guitar Hero. (god forbid I pick up an actual instrument to learn) After this post, I want to KNOW: WHO did the first earball-assaulting guitar solo?

@deutlich: omg that's SLASH

blue-eyed brunette said...

Sigh...November Rain...oh the memories.

I think they all cried. I think they immediately dropped to their knees, put their palms on their cheeks and wept.

Matt said...

I heard Jesus used to play the guitar.

Im pretty sure thats where it started.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

deutlich - SLASH!!! guns and roses, november rain! sigh.

i can play a mean guitar hero solo. does that count?

Christina_the_wench said...

I've always wondered who helps them take off their pants. I mean they have to be sweaty and nasty and hard to peel off. Is there like some fluffer leather girl who is assigned to this?

Don't ask how I know what a fluffer does.

surviving myself said...

In my mind, it was Slash. I like to keep things holy.

Giggle Pixie said...

I'm with PJ. Give me a drum solo any day!!!

fiona said...

@Matt, Jesus I believe came after Adam who gave the first guitar solo because Eve was hogging the drum solos!

Marie said...

Drum solos please. Long guitar solos make me want to take a pen and stab my ears.

So@24 said...

I believe there were rainbows. They always show up after amazing solo performances.

* Insert masturbation joke here

Amy G said...

PHENOM post.

LiLu said...

Dibs on air guitar. I ROCK.

rs27 said...

Someone to SORT recycling. This is impossible.

BrazenBareToe said...

I think I know where that church is it's in next to the barn with a dead cow skull hanging on it.

Rock on solo gutarist; just like the first guy to smash his guitar on the amp, you are a rebel.

Sarah said...

would ya tuesday...slash? fuuuuck yea!

Maxie said...

I'm wondering how long a guitar solo has to be to actually be considered a "solo."

If they play alone for a few seconds does that count or does it have to be a certain number.

Very confusing in my brain.