Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Lesser of Two Evils

My world has been turned upside-down. I have spent so much of my life focusing mind bullets at Nickelback I've become blind to other dangers. It is like if Batman focused on the Joker all day while Catwoman was free to run about in her sexy leather costume.

Wait - why does Batman try to stop Catwoman again?

As much as Nickelback is a waste of human flesh - is there another evil that is equal or *gasp* greater?

I present to the jury - Shania Twain.

Guys - I know what you are thinking - how could I say such a thing about such beautiful boobies. I admit, I am sometimes captivated by them and lose track of time for a few hours - but stay focused - this is the person that brought us, "Any Man of Mine", "That Don't Impress Me Much" and "Man, I Feel Like A Woman". If Jack Bauer were real he would have a task force ready to take her out at any moment.

I'm kidding, that was mean - of course Jack Bauer is real.

So lets do some pros and cons -

Nickelback - Pros

Everyone catches themselves singing along to a Nickelback song once in awhile. The proper reaction to this is to punish yourself by repeatedly ramming your head into a brick wall. But it still happens.

They are an easy target. Seriously, Chad Kroeger is the ugliest human being on earf. He has it pretty rough as it is.

Shania Twain - Pros

Them boobies.

She isn't famous anymore so the only time we see her is at award shows when it is for some reason acceptable to dress like a cheap hooker.

Nickelback - Cons


THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. I found them behind my Cheerios this morning and they started playing "Rockstar". At least my herpes only flair up every now and then - I have to deal with these yahoos 24/7.

Their songs are all the same. We've all heard the mash-up that shows they are the first band to copy off of themselves. Which I guess could be considered impressive - it isn't easy to suck that much consistently.

Shania Twain - Cons

Her songs are the most bubble-gum bullshit music on earf. She makes the Spice Girls look like original artists.

Her yahoo! I'm a woman and I'm going to sing songs about it bullshit has to be an embarrassment to women. I don't know because I don't have girl parts. If I did I wouldn't be writing this blog - I would be sitting at home putting on plays with lefty and righty. Lefty is the misunderstood rebel and righty is his trusty partner that steers him clear of danger. Either way - I wouldn't be listening to Shania Twain.

But this is America so I'm going to let you decide - which is worse?

32 comments:

Ashley said...

I have made it a point to never, ever date anyone who likes Nickleback. I mean, seriously?! That's just crossing the line.

Hex said...

I guess it's early yet, but the fact that Shania has only one vote is endlessly hilarious to me.

Because that means *you* voted for her, bro.

They were behind your cheerios, man. That's a capital offense.

insomniaclolita said...

I think Nickelback is simply worse :D

Marie said...

I just have to say that it was really hard choosing. A "C" option saying "both are equally bad" would have been very helpful.

lacochran said...

So, what is this for you, post 4 on Nickelback? Did Chad wambam you at some point and fail to text the next day?

"Seriously, Chad Kroeger is the ugliest human being on earf."

Yeah? Put your money where your mouth is. Would Ya Wednesday him and let the chips fall where they may.

Deutlich said...

I still think Nickelback is worse

Julie_Gong said...

there is no competition. nickelback makes me want to die.

they don't impress me much.

i hate myself.

Gilahi said...

Conversation in the car:

Me: Do we have to listen to this song again? I've heard it a million times.
Wife: It's Nickelback's new song, it just came out yesterday.
Me: Really? I could swear I've heard it at least 100 times and I don't even listen to the radio.

ANG* said...

there's just not contest here broski. nickleback wins this one.

Matt said...

I had to go with Nickelback.

probably just because of boobs.

justjp said...

Down with the Twain!

Bethie said...

Perhaps you missed this:

http://outofyourelementbethie.blogspot.com/2008/10/fake-nickelback.html

rs27 said...

The amount of nickelback references to posts here is astronomical.

LBluca77 said...

Poor Shania I feel bad for her, her hubby cheated on her with her friend.

But other than that she completly sucks.

Maxie said...

omg shania is way worse. i love nickelback! who doesn't want to be a rock star... COME ONE

surviving myself said...

Nickleback is killing it! Of course they're worse, Shania has boobs.

Hot Coffee Girl said...

But don't we all just want to be big rockstars live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars?

Kellie said...

Nickleback is worse. We have to hear them CONSTANTLY. Shania is pretty. Although you missed one of my favorite songs of hers: "Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under". Classic. :)

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

like you even needed a poll for this! nickleback!

Giggle Pixie said...

Shania Twain is a talentless pox on society.

LiLu said...

Nickelback is by FAR the lesser of two evils. Their voices make babies' faces melt.

Fizzgig said...

shania sings that song...I had a hard day something about, breaking a nail and gettig the man a cold one, and rubbing his feet anyway even though she had a crappy day.

I would think a man disliking someone who sang such a song would be kicked out of the man club or something.

but then, i think its ok for boys to have catster accounts. Don't go by what I think.

Megkathleen said...

You make a good argument, but nothing is worse than Nickelback. NOTHING.

CAVFC said...

shania twain should just drop off the face of the earth. or drop dead, because a disappearance might lead to an eventual comeback. SCARY thought...

chitowndebutante said...

i really really really hate nickleback. that photograph song makes my skin crawl.

Baking With Plath said...

No one is worse than Nickleback.

Except for maybe Creed.

Bogart in P Towne said...

Like Steve Martin said, "I could never be a woman, I would just stay at home and play with my breasts all day."

And nobody is worse than Gloria Estefan...

moooooog35 said...

Two words for watching Shania:

Mute. Masturbation.

Done and done.

Rachel said...

Dude, there are a SHITTON of female singers I hate hearing, but they're still nowhere near the black death of Nickelback.

So@24 said...

Remember when Shania had that black & white music video? Where she's rolling around on the beach?

Yeah. I used to call in for TRL... and put it on mute.

Lauren said...

I'm pretty sure Nickleback always wins in a competition of who's worse. It's just a law.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

That's the first time I've heard that Nickelback mash-up. I actually never realized those were two different songs.