Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Lincoln Logs

I don't listen to the radio much (that's why God invented the iPod) so the other day when I was in a friend's car and they were listening to a rap station I became incredibly jealous.

Why didn't someone tell me that you could become famous for not being talented in any way? I could make a FORTUNE being not good at things - I've been not good at things my whole LIFE. I've been looking for my ticket to the top and here, this whole time, rap was the answer.

Remember when rap music was amazing? When Snoop and Pac and Biggie and LL and Ice Cube and even my Grandma were putting out better songs than what you hear now?

You can't tell me that Grandmama couldn't sell a million records compared to what is out there now.

Now every song is a ridiculous sexual innuendo or something that is supposed to be a ridiculous sexual innuendo. Laffy Taffy is a bit of a stretch if you ask me. I mean a GET IT - but c'mon - girls parts don't have hilarious jokes written on them (note to girls - I think I just came up with a GREAT IDEA.)

If not sex - then every song is about money - which may be a problem for my rap career. It's not that I'm broke, per se, it's that I'm REALLY broke. I'll be "makin' it rain" with rolls of pennies...

OH MY GOD I GOT IT.

I'm going to combine sexual innuendos and money references for my first single as rapper Iron-E

"My Penny Roll (Makin' It Rain)"

21 comments:

Christina_the_wench said...

Don't forget you need a cool rap name too. Flo Rida is dope, but you can do better.

surviving myself said...

The radio is where music goes to die. There is good hip-hop is out there, just not on the radio.

Now, can I be your hype man?

Matt said...

Grandmama is your real grandma?

That. is. awesome.

Lemmonex said...

Most rap is total garbage...but really, I just want to shake my ass. The again, I guess we have Girl Talk for that.

Gilahi said...

There once was a time when you had to pay your dues and be poor before you could get any air play. Nobody sings the blues any more.

Stephanique1 said...

Blame the 69 Boyz. It all started with the Tootsee Roll.

pj said...

I never go anywhere without my Eric B and Rakim collection.

moooooog35 said...

I got your slogan:

"Iron-E: Putting the 'rap' in 'crap' since 2009."

Fo shizzle.

Kellie said...

Awesome. Rap did go bad. Ever since they thought it would be cool to have little kids rap. Lil Bow Wow? Come on now!!!

Fizzgig said...

this is a pretty cool idea. while the rap is pretty stupid these days, its catchy. I'm standing up and sayin it, thats right!

Marie said...

Looks like you'll make millions. Guaranteed.

justjp said...

"My Penny Roll (Makin' It Rain)"

Dude, that is brilliant! Make it rain make it pour, that Morton's girl ain't got shit on you!

Lauren said...

DO IT.

One of my ex-students put it very eloquently.

Her: "Ms., rap music is about three things: sex, money, and hoes."

Me: "...Alright."

rs27 said...

LL Cool J is not even close to that class of rappers you named.

What would Nickelback do?

LiLu said...

I'd buy it.

f.B said...

If you make it big, you should do the MC Hammer thing and dish out cash to everyone you can think of -- have a posse like 3,000 deep.

Oh, right. He went broke from that.

So@24 said...

Now which basketball player was known as "The Postman"? I always forget...

Carl Malone?

MsPuddin said...

So I take it you also heard some soulja boy?

Allison M. said...

you could be White Collaz. now that is platinum right there.

Karen said...

This is why I'm such a fan of Luda. You don't find the lyrical craftsmanship like that with the other guys.

You's A Ho is a modern classic.

Maxie said...

i demand audio immediately