Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Love In An Elevator

I once had a female friend come up and ask the following -

"Hey, my friend and I were arguing over whether ______ is well endowed. Is he?"

You will never see a man stumble over his words and get more flustered than if you ask him about the endowment of some random acquaintance. Our brains shut down - a thousand things run through our mind - mostly surrounding the fact that you must assume we are gay. Is our shirt gay? Did we say something? Does this mean you and I aren't going to make out later?

So after asking for further clarification, she said, "Well, ya know, you look when you are in the bathroom, right?"

WHAT?

Do girls really think that guys take a quick peek over at their neighbor at the urinals?

"Hey Jim"

"Hey Kyle"

"Nice one ya got there."

"Oh this little thing? It's nothing. Thanks, man."

THAT NEVER HAPPENS EVER.

There is no quicker way to get in a fight than to take a peak at a guy's manhood in the bathroom.

Let me put it this way, Ladies - you know when you get in an elevator and it is just you and someone else that you don't know? You stare at the wall or at the buttons or anywhere in the entire elevator that isn't them. You pretend that their entire existance is like visual acid that will burn your eyeballs out of your head. Like you will turn to stone if you make eye contact - like you just happened to step on an elevator with Medusa.

For dudes, other dude's privates are exactly like Medusa.

I mean the guy will turn to stone...not his privates.

Oh hell, he was average, ok?

18 comments:

Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris said...

Medusa was pretty hot.

Renee said...

When I'm in the bathroom with a guy, I always take a peek at his manhood. But I'm a chick, so its cool.
You're histerical. Seriously.

Matt said...

If anyone ever asks you about my endowment just tell them I'm huge.

thanks.

OhMyLaughter said...

Bahaha!

LiLu said...

Well, now the follow up question...

What do guys consider 'average'? ;-)

Jenn said...

Love LiLu's follow-up question :P

Does the same rule apply for the locker room? I mean, how do you miss it?

Maxie said...

You know that Matt guy... what about him?

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

yeah i can see that being an awkward situation for dudes. but your friend was crazy for asking you that - weird.

personally, when i wonder and can't tell their endowment from the the tightness of their jeans i simply cop a feel.

kidding.

moooooog35 said...

Why would they ask you about another guy's monetary donation to an institution?

Chicks are weird.

Andhari said...

Oh my god thats just awkward. Maybe they just assume boys are like girls in this, girls like talking about their private parts with their friends. Giving wax tips and all that LOL TMI!

Organic Meatbag said...

Hehehe, dude, thank you for clarifying that for the lady folk...we do not look for that stuff... and I have never had a guy wheel around from his side of the stall and say "Hey, will you look at this? Is this respectable?"

If you really need to know, then pay a guy to pose as a bathroom attendant in the men's restroom... a very fey and cheerful bathroom attendant named Sammy...see if he will do the spying for you and make sure that he can take a punch to the face without dropping like a sack of bricks...

Allison M. said...

well you proved me wrong because I always though guys checked out their parts.

Dolce said...

If I was a dude, I would totally check out another guy's junk. In the locker room at the gym I always compare my boobs to other women.

No fights. What's the difference.

Mike said...

@Lilu - It's not important what guys consider average. It's important what girls consider better than average.

brandy said...

I just had this conversation a few days ago and got the lecture of a lifetime. And apparently men do not check out other men in the bathroom and even ASKING such a question means I'm all sorts of insane. And then I got sent this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnOaMC8KHA4

And told to study up and learn from it.

Hex said...

While I think generally the whole "differences between the sexes" thing gets played up and overblown for the sake of TV commercials, sitcom plots, chick flicks, and whatever -- this is one case where it clearly is a different world.

We're in there to pee.
And then LEAVE.

Who goes into a bathroom looking to have a conversation? Whiz and go!

TheGuy said...

average is like, 7 1/2, right?