It's time to pick up the remote and pull down your pants!
That's right - it's Would Ya Wednesday on Tuesday - Bachelor Edition.
Where the only thing thicker than the spray tan is the desperation.
This week's theme is The Bachelor and The Bachelorette - which is a reality show based on two people sleeping with as many contestants as possible and then ranking them on their sexual prowess by giving them roses. In the end they pretend to pick one person and be happy but then break up within the next few months and have their own spin-off reality show based on them sleeping with more people. Before you start to think this sounds morally questionable - they wear suits and are on broadcast TV - so it's fine.
My favorite thing about the Bachelor(ette) is that every single girl / guy contestant falls instantly in love with the main character. What are the odds that every contestant just HAPPENS to fall in love with the main character? The only way they can call that "Reality TV" is if I was the Bachelor - because lets face it - I'm 100% pure-American Hunk wrapped in a sweet velvety layer of emotions. With sprinkles and a cherry on top.
Anyways our first contestant is former Bachelor Jason Mesnick. He looks exactly like Taylor Made from 'I Love NY' except with a crazier look in his eye. Like you would come home and find him covered in blood and wearing one of your dresses - but he wouldn't be bleeding and suddenly your cat Mittens is missing. Hubba hubba!
Our second contestant is Bachelorette Jillian Harris. She isn't attractive. That's really all there is to say. I did an informal survey of like...six guys...and no one thinks she is attractive. And she is annoying. Two strikes, Jillian, you better make up for it - oh that's right - she is a giant whore bag. Was the Bachelorette actually a contest to see how many guys she could intercourse? I want to see her take on that Kobayashi guy in a hot dog eating contest. The entire show is based around people vying for the affection of a super-eligible bachelor/ette - and you trot her out there? When she first came out were fans like - "Why is the make-up girl on stage? Get her off and get someone with some remote physical attractiveness out here!...Oh...that's her? She better put out."
If you are new to Would Ya Wednesday here are the rules - I nominate two people and you tell me if they face elimination or if your privates are ready for a reunion special.