I no longer have sympathy for NFL players.
"Oh I had to play a three hour game today and get hit by 300 lb guys at full speed"
I'll tell you what, Ray Lewis, call me when you've been forced to go shopping for three straight hours - then we'll see who's a tough guy.
I'm fairly certain I tore my ACL between Nordstroms and TJ Maxx and I still toughed it out through the shoe section.
My biggest mistake was not wearing a watch. I'm pretty sure we were in Macy's for three days. It was like Gilligan's Island - I started trying to make a radio transmitter out of mannequin hands and graphic tees.
My trip through H&M felt like a Madonna concert - and not just because I sang "Borderline" 12 consecutive times. I may have set a record for most costume changes. I tried on every shirt in the entire store. Even the XXXL - just to prove a point.
I don't know how girls do it - when I got home I had to lay on the couch and ice myself down. I think the mall should have little tables with cups of Gatorade to throw on yourself as you go.
In fact - I think you could televise that shit. No one watches the Tour De France - you throw on 6 middle-aged guys trying to keep up with their girlfriends and not get in trouble when their lady asks them "Does this make me look fat?"
Hell - that should be in the Olympics.
Michael Phelps and Lance Armstrong better start training cuz I am killing it in 2012 - and the only drug in this body is shopahol.