The Lady Friend is heading out for a 24 day excursion to Europe - which I assume is somewhere close to Texas. The only map I own is from an amusement park that is broken into "Happy Fun Land" and "Adventureville". And bathrooms - but I think those are more like states than actual countries.
My point is - I am without The Girl for over three weeks. Seeing as how I am completely whipped - this is going to be a bit of an adventure. I'm going to have to do things like "laundry" and "cleaning" and "dressing myself". Here is a list of the top 3 things I plan to accomplish during Man Time.
1 - Work out. Not regularly. Just once. I'm going to pretend like I do it all the time, though. Maybe I'll wear a cut off shirt. I'm not going to run or ride a bike or anything though because that sucks ass and in no way blasts my pecs. I'm not even too sure I'll do any real lifting. I'll definitely walk around pretending to stretch and drink Gatorade or Vitamin Water or whatever it is tough guys drink. Bear spit? You tell me, Reader.
2 - Not wear pants for an entire day. My guess would be a Sunday. I'll wake up with the weight of a billionty Crown and Cokes from the night before and take a stand against pants. For good measure I'll scratch myself and burp as loud as I can. Then I'll objectify women and talk about sports. In between watching cheesy chick flicks on TBS I'll make idle threats to actually get up and do something, but then "What Women Want" will come on and I'll sit back down and scratch myself.
3 - Eat a meal that consists of two fast food restaurants. Instead of cooking I'm going to get Arby's mozzarella sticks, Wendy's chili, a KFC Famous Bowl and McDonald's fries. Maybe a Chipotle burrito with a side of a Subway $5 footlong. It is going to take me 2 1/2 hours to drive to every single place I want to go. I might have to write off an entire day just to mapping and securing each fast food meal.
Which has me thinking...
I bet I could do that without pants.
See? I've already learned to multi-task.