Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Celebate Good Times, C'Mon!

The Lady Friend is heading out for a 24 day excursion to Europe - which I assume is somewhere close to Texas. The only map I own is from an amusement park that is broken into "Happy Fun Land" and "Adventureville". And bathrooms - but I think those are more like states than actual countries.

My point is - I am without The Girl for over three weeks. Seeing as how I am completely whipped - this is going to be a bit of an adventure. I'm going to have to do things like "laundry" and "cleaning" and "dressing myself". Here is a list of the top 3 things I plan to accomplish during Man Time.

1 - Work out. Not regularly. Just once. I'm going to pretend like I do it all the time, though. Maybe I'll wear a cut off shirt. I'm not going to run or ride a bike or anything though because that sucks ass and in no way blasts my pecs. I'm not even too sure I'll do any real lifting. I'll definitely walk around pretending to stretch and drink Gatorade or Vitamin Water or whatever it is tough guys drink. Bear spit? You tell me, Reader.

2 - Not wear pants for an entire day. My guess would be a Sunday. I'll wake up with the weight of a billionty Crown and Cokes from the night before and take a stand against pants. For good measure I'll scratch myself and burp as loud as I can. Then I'll objectify women and talk about sports. In between watching cheesy chick flicks on TBS I'll make idle threats to actually get up and do something, but then "What Women Want" will come on and I'll sit back down and scratch myself.

3 - Eat a meal that consists of two fast food restaurants. Instead of cooking I'm going to get Arby's mozzarella sticks, Wendy's chili, a KFC Famous Bowl and McDonald's fries. Maybe a Chipotle burrito with a side of a Subway $5 footlong. It is going to take me 2 1/2 hours to drive to every single place I want to go. I might have to write off an entire day just to mapping and securing each fast food meal.

Which has me thinking...

I bet I could do that without pants.

See? I've already learned to multi-task.


moooooog35 said...


That's an impressive list.

Her's is something like:

"Bang Hot European guy."

Good luck with your laundry day.

Anonymous said...

Your wii label made me laugh a lot. And number 3 sounds awesome, I've always wanted to do that but I can't figure out how to without some of the food getting cold.

Good luck on your own!

Matt said...

Nice. Break out the porn that youve been hiding that on the top shelf that she cant reach.

LBluca77 said...

So then I am guessing you are gonna be WAY to busy to blog with a to do list like this.

taawd said...

is there a reason your post headline doesn't have an "r" in celebrate? makes me wonder because it now rhymes with something else.

Marie said...

But see if you don't wear pants then you can't sit and stick your hands down your pants while you watch What Women Want.

Do I not make a good point?

LiLu said...

B asked me where I want to go to dinner for our anniversary today.

I'm going to copy and paste number 3.

I'm easy.

Lily said...

You should also try working out with no pants on.

Just be careful of chafing

Angela said...

Yours is the second post today I've read about Chipotle burritos. I think it's a sign I should go get one.

Ben said...

Oh god. Please don't die while she's gone. I can probably swing by to keep house if necessary.

I'll even keep my pants on.

Anonymous said...

#3 has been accomplished in a bath robe!

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i'm dying laughing at taawd's comment - hilarious.

let me know if you want to come over for dinner one night, i don't want you to starve. but, you have to wear pants. sorry dude.

OhMyLaughter said...